Emotional smartness, or EQ, is all about understanding our feelings and the feelings of others. It’s a big deal if you want to get along well with people.

Now, people with high EQ? They usually think before they speak. They’re careful with words because they know the impact they can have.

But those with lower EQ? They might use certain phrases without realizing they could be stepping on toes.

So, buckle up! We’re about to look at 10 phrases often used by people with lower emotional intelligence without even knowing their impact.

1) “Calm down”

We’ve all been there. A friend or colleague is upset, and our first instinct is to tell them ‘calm down’. Sounds harmless, right?

Wrong. This phrase can actually make people feel like their feelings aren’t valid. It’s as if you’re saying their reaction is over the top or unnecessary.

People with high emotional intelligence understand that everyone has the right to express their feelings. Instead of telling them to ‘calm down’, they’d acknowledge the person’s feelings and try to understand why they’re upset.

So next time, instead of saying ‘calm down’, try ‘I can see you’re really upset about this. Can you tell me more about why?’ You might be surprised at how much better the conversation goes!

2) “You’re overreacting”

Ever heard this one? Maybe you’ve even used it yourself.

Telling someone they’re ‘overreacting’ is another phrase that can undermine people’s feelings. It’s like saying their emotional response is too much or inappropriate.

Rather than helping, it can make people feel defensive, misunderstood, or even more upset.

High EQ individuals usually try to understand why someone might be reacting strongly instead. They might say something like, ‘It seems like this really matters to you. Can we talk about it?’

Remember, it’s not about agreeing with the person’s reaction, but understanding and respecting their feelings.

3) “I don’t care”

Here’s a phrase I’m guilty of using more than I’d like to admit, “I don’t care”.

In my mind, I used to think this phrase showed that I was laid-back and flexible. But one day, a friend pulled me aside and explained how it came across as dismissive.

Saying “I don’t care” can make it seem like you’re not interested or invested in what’s being discussed. It can unintentionally shut down conversation or make others feel like their opinions or ideas aren’t valued.

Now, when I’m faced with a decision and I genuinely don’t have a preference, I try to say something like, “I’m good with whatever you think is best” or “I trust your judgment on this.”

It gets the same point across without making anyone feel brushed off.

4) “It’s not my fault”

When things go wrong, our natural instinct might be to defend ourselves. We might say, “It’s not my fault” to avoid blame or criticism.

But did you know this phrase can actually damage relationships and hinder personal growth?

An interesting fact is that people with high emotional intelligence are more likely to take responsibility for their actions. They understand the power of accountability and how it can foster trust and respect in relationships.

So instead of saying “It’s not my fault”, they might say, “I should have handled that differently” or “I’ll make sure to do better next time”.

This willingness to own up to mistakes and learn from them is a hallmark of emotional intelligence.

5) “That’s just how I am”

When we say, “That’s just how I am”, it might feel like we’re being true to ourselves.

But sometimes, this phrase can become an excuse not to grow or change, especially when it comes to behavior that may be hurting others.

I’ve seen this phrase used in situations where people struggle to understand why their actions have upset someone. Instead of trying to see things from the other person’s perspective, they dismiss their feelings with this simple phrase. 

People with high emotional intelligence understand that changing negative behaviors or habits isn’t about losing their identity — it’s about becoming a better version of themselves for their own sake and for the people around them.

Next time, maybe try something like, “I’m sorry if my actions upset you. I’m a work in progress and I appreciate your patience”. It shows you acknowledge the impact of your actions and are open to growth.

6) “Whatever”

I’ll admit it, “Whatever” was my go-to phrase when I wanted to end a difficult conversation or argument. I used to think it was an easy way out.

But over time, I realized that “whatever” can come off as dismissive or disrespectful. It’s like saying, “I don’t value this conversation or your feelings enough to engage with them.”

People with high emotional intelligence aim to resolve conflicts or disagreements in a respectful and constructive way. They understand that saying ‘whatever’ can shut down communication and leave issues unresolved.

These days, if I’m feeling overwhelmed in a conversation, I try to express that instead. Something like, “I need some time to process what we’re discussing. Can we continue this later?” It’s more respectful and keeps the lines of communication open.

7) “I knew that”

Let’s get real here. Saying “I knew that” when someone shares something new with you – well, it can make you look like a bit of a know-it-all.

Sure, we all want to appear smart and informed. But constantly saying “I knew that” can come off as arrogant or dismissive. It’s as if you’re shutting down the other person’s attempt to contribute to the conversation.

People with high emotional intelligence understand the value of open conversation and learning from others. They’re secure enough to admit when they don’t know something and are open to new information.

Try responding with “That’s interesting! Tell me more.” Not only will it keep the conversation flowing, but you might also learn something new in the process!

8) “I’m always right”

“I’m always right” – we’ve all met someone who loves this phrase a little too much, haven’t we?

While it’s great to have confidence in our beliefs and decisions, always insisting on being right can close us off to other perspectives and learning opportunities.

High EQ individuals, on the other hand, are open to differing opinions and are willing to change their mind if presented with new information. They understand that being wrong sometimes is not a weakness but a part of the learning process.

9) “It’s not fair”

In my younger years, “It’s not fair” was my catchphrase every time things didn’t go my way. I thought it was a valid expression of my frustration and disappointment.

But as I grew older, I realized that life isn’t always fair, and constantly saying “It’s not fair” can come off as being unable to handle adversity or unwilling to accept reality.

People with high emotional intelligence know that setbacks and disappointments are part of life. Instead of focusing on the unfairness, they focus on what they can learn from the situation and how they can move forward.

10) “You always…” or “You never…”

Let’s be brutally honest here. Using absolutes like “You always” or “You never” in arguments is like throwing fuel on a fire. It immediately puts the other person on the defensive and escalates the situation.

None of us are perfect – we all mess up sometimes. But no one messes up all the time. By using these absolutes, we’re not giving credit for the times when someone did get it right or when they didn’t mess up.

People with high emotional intelligence recognize this. They try to address specific behaviors or incidents rather than making sweeping statements about a person’s character.