I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve said, “It’s fine,” countless times while screaming my head off deep inside.

I’ve also been guilty of saying it when what I really meant was anything but fine.

I can’t say I’m proud of it, but at the time they were said, they felt like the lesser of two evils.

That said, ever wondered what other seemingly-harmless-yet-really-loaded phrases others say? 

Let’s look at 23 passive-aggressive phrases often used to sidestep direct confrontation:

1) “Fine, whatever”

This implies a superficial agreement, but it’s actually filled with resentment or frustration.

It’s the kind of response one would use to abruptly shut down the possibility of conflict. 

It’s the short version of “I’m no longer interested in discussing this matter”, and is probably the number one go-to-phrase for people who are avoiding directness.

2) “It’s fine, I’ll do it myself”

Here’s another phrase with the word “fine” in it. 

This time, it conveys dissatisfaction or disappointment at the person spoken to without saying it outright. 

But doing that doesn’t address the underlying problem, doesn’t it?

So here’s a more solution-focused alternative:

“I feel a bit overwhelmed doing this alone. Could we discuss how we can 

share this task?”

3) “I’m not mad”

I can’t describe how much it annoys me to hear this, especially when the speaker is obviously upset – I can see the anger in their face and hear it in their voice.

But the funny thing is, I really can’t blame them. 

Especially when I’ve done it quite a few times myself.

I guess we use this phrase because sometimes, it feels like it’s better to put up a calm facade rather than risk a deeper, potentially more hostile discussion.

4) “If you really want to”

Have you ever used this to avoid directly going against someone else’s suggestion?

It’s a passive-aggressive phrase that leaves the final call up to someone else.

It’s the equivalent of agreeing just to get it over with, not because you’re on the same page.

5)”Whatever you think is best”

This is another variation of a phrase used to pass on the decision-making burden to others.

Not only is it used to avoid outright objection, but it’s also a tactic to withdraw from accountability.

It’s setting up a scenario for a possible “I told you so” later.

6) “Hope you’re happy”

They may not say, “I told you so,” but people can also use “hope you’re happy” to sarcastically imply that your actions have had negative consequences.

It’s a subtle way of expressing blame, disapproval, or hurt without discussing the decision and its supposed negative consequences.

7) “I guess it’s my fault then”

Speaking of blame, this phrase is used to falsely accept blame. 

Instead of speaking up and saying that they feel they’re being unfairly accused of something, they resort to this in the hopes that the other person feels guilty and retracts the allegation. 

But if you think about it, saying this does nothing to address the supposed unjust accusation, doesn’t it?

8) “Go ahead, you always do what you want anyway”

This is another one of those phrases masked as an agreement when the truth is the speaker wants to express objection or discontent.

Sadly, it’s a common phrase used by people who are used to being ignored or overridden.

It’s an indirect way of saying, “there’s no point in expressing my opinion because you won’t consider it anyway, so just do as you please.”

9) “Let me know how that works out for you”

When someone says this to you, it’s more likely a hint of their doubt about your decisions or plans. 

It may sound like they’re interested in the outcome, but it’s actually them already deciding in their minds that whatever you’re about to do is bound to fail.

10) “Good luck with that”

What’s worse than false interest in your future plans?

False well-wishes!

I feel like it’s one of those toxic passive-aggressive phrases. Not that passive-aggressive phrases are healthy forms of communication in the first place, but you get the drift.

If you’re going to wish someone luck in a tone that suggests they will need it, please consider not saying it at all.

11) “Interesting choice”

Let’s keep the momentum of skepticism with this phrase, often used to express surprise or criticism at someone else’s actions, decisions, or preferences.

What’s wrong with saying, “interesting choice”?

It’s vague, does not provide valuable feedback, and muddles the message by leaving the interpretation to the recipient.

12)“That’s one way to do it”

We hear this often so we may not think of it as passive-aggressive but it can be used as a subtle way of offloading doubt or disapproval without having to be confrontational about it.

It’s polite, I’ll give it that. But it still has a tinge of passive-aggressiveness. 

An alternative would be something like, “That’s an interesting approach. Have you considered trying it this way as well?”

13) You do you

This is a phrase I always say, but I do so in the context of a motivational mantra.

I love using it to support someone’s right to self-expression and individuality.

But it becomes passive-aggressive when it’s said in a dismissive or sarcastic tone that makes it clear they’re not convinced, but also that they’re not going to bother sticking their nose in.

14) “I’m not trying to be rude, but…”

This one’s a classic.

We use it to preface what we’re about to say next, to try and shield ourselves from the potential repercussions of being perceived as harsh.

But here’s the thing:

Anything that you need to preface with “I’m not trying to be rude, but…” is likely going to sound rude anyway. 

So, if you find yourself gearing up to use this phrase, maybe take a moment to think about how you can say what you need to say in a more direct and kinder way.

15) “No offense, but”

Speaking of prefaces to soften the blow, starting with “no offense, but…” is another pointless opener.

Why?

It’s almost a guarantee that what you’re about to say is 99.9% of the time going to sound offensive regardless of your attempts to downplay it.

16) “Not to be critical, but..”

This phrase is a runner-up on our roll of disclaimer phrases that are best to do away with.

Instead of using prefaces like these to avoid being seen as judgmental or negative, why not consider direct but constructive alternatives like these:

“May I offer a suggestion?” or “I have some insights that could help.”

17) “Just saying”

From prefaces, let’s jump to concluding phrases.

This phrase is a lot of people’s go-to when they want to be free of the responsibility of a potentially offensive or critical statement. 

It’s a clever, passive-aggressive way of leaving criticism hanging in the air, unowned and unaccountable.

18) “Just kidding”

This is another “just” phrase used after a critical comment. 

People often use it as a free pass to say something hurtful but dodge the blame by saying it was just a joke.

This leaves the person targeted feeling stuck, unable to call out the comment without appearing overly sensitive.

19) “Sorry, I’m not like everyone else”

Ever confronted someone as positively as possible, but they responded with this phrase?

It’s a classic defense mechanism for people who can’t take any form of feedback.

They say it to avoid confrontation and toss the critique back at you. It’s like saying the problem isn’t them but your high expectations of them.

Here’s the real message behind this phrase:

“Change your expectations, not my behavior.”

20) “Oh, I thought you knew..”

This phrase is a sneaky way of making it seem like it’s the other person’s fault for not knowing something, like they just weren’t paying attention or forgot. 

It’s a way for the speaker to say, “You messed up,” without coming right out and saying it, which can make the other person feel attacked or not good enough.

21) “I’m sure you did your best”

At first, it might seem like they’re being nice, but be careful when they say it in a condescending manner.

Because then the message changes:

It becomes a sneaky compliment that really means, “You could’ve done better.”

22) “Thanks for finally showing up”

This one has the words “thanks” in it, but trust me, the speaker is anything but grateful.

The truth is, they’re irritated at your unreliability and lateness. 

To be fair, arriving on time should be the standard as it reflects respect for one’s time. 

But isn’t using a passive-aggressive phrase to call out disrespectful behavior much like fighting fire with fire?

23) “Must be nice…”

This phrase is often said with an undertone of envy or resentment.

Here’s the thing:

The speaker doesn’t really have a problem with the listener.

It’s more like they feel that their circumstances are unfair.

So they don’t say it to avoid confronting the recipient.

They use this passive-aggressive phrase to avoid confrontation with themselves and their inner feelings of inadequacy or jealousy. 

“Must be nice” is their way of saying, “Why can’t I have that too?”

Final thoughts

That wraps up our list of passive-aggressive one-liners used to avoid confrontation.

Some we’ve used, some we’ve heard – which just goes to show that they’re normal human responses.

But that’s not to say it’s okay to continue with this passive aggression forever. 

We’ve all got room to grow in how we communicate our thoughts and feelings. 

Take it from American physician, poet, and polymath Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr:

“Speak clearly, if you speak at all; carve every word before you let it fall.”