Social intelligence (SI) is a crucial type of smartness. 

It is the ability to communicate clearly and influence, encourage and win people over.

We all could use a little more SI in our lives, which is why I’m going to take a look at the best socially intelligent things to say in a conversation. 

Backed up by psychological research and insight, these phrases will help you stand out from the crowd as a truly exceptional individual who others want to work with, befriend, date and be around.

Let’s dive in.

1) “Tell me more”

The first and vital sign of high SI is to express an interest in others. 

This statement lets people know that their input is valued and invites them to share more of their thoughts, feelings and information. 

Folks are drawn to high-SI individuals who let them speak and care what they say.

“Showing genuine interest in other people and what they have to say is a huge part of social intelligence,” explains psychology writer Courtney Hardwick.

2) “I really like how you…”

Never underestimate the power of specific compliments.

High-SI folks are masters at finding something to praise in other people around them, even if it’s just something small. 

Almost all of us enjoy knowing there is something about us that is admired by others, even if it’s just our shoes or the fact that we’re a good driver.

High-SI people tap into this desire to be liked and valued, building bridges through appreciation.

3) “What do you think about…?”

This is in a similar vein to the first point, and is a way of expressing interest and asking somebody for more input. 

High-SI individuals ask for somebody’s opinion directly and specifically in some cases in order to get the conversation flowing and deepen their connection. 

This is especially effective with folks who may be more shy or unsure what to talk about. 

As Hardwick notes: “Asking for someone’s opinion is a way to communicate that you’re interested in them and what they have to say. Socially intelligent people know that some people are more reserved when it comes to expressing themselves, and it can help to ask them directly if they want to share their thoughts.”

4) “Thanks for being patient with me”

Showing consideration to other people is a hallmark of the socially intelligent individual.

By thanking somebody for their patience, the high-SI person shows that they don’t take anything for granted.

They make it clear that they value other people’s time and energy.

Thanking them for patience, even if the wait was quite short, is a sign of respect and courtesy. 

And people appreciate that and are drawn to the high-SI person in return.

5) “I’ll take your criticism into consideration”

Many of us find criticism hard to take, particularly if it is a bit harsh or awkward. 

But the high-SI individual takes criticism in stride and does their best to learn from it and take any useful feedback into account. 

If the criticism isn’t useful or is mean-spirited, they say a phrase like the one above in order to defuse the situation and not get dragged into a useless conflict.

“Some of the most difficult people to be in relationships with are those who are so threatened by even the slightest suggestion that their behavior is hurtful that they actually end up getting angry at the person suggesting it, reinforcing the problem altogether,” points out mental health researcher Brianna Wiest.

6) “I made a mistake. I’m sorry”

Admitting that they’ve made a mistake isn’t easy in some cases, even for the high-SI individual.

But it’s a powerful move that is highly respected by other people.

When a high-SI person says they are sorry and means it, that lands in a big way and causes others to take note:

Here is an individual who cares more about being accountable and genuine than just looking good or trying to avoid uncomfortable admissions. 

7) “I don’t agree with you but I respect you and your right to your own opinion”

Socially intelligent individuals are able to disagree without getting offended.

This may sound basic, but it’s extremely crucial and not that easy for some people to do.

By accepting they can strongly disagree with somebody but still respect them and their right to their own opinion, the high-SI person makes their social connections much more full of ease and grace.

“If you genuinely respect people’s opinions especially if they’re the exact opposite of yours — it’s a sign of high social intelligence,” notes psychology writer Akshad Singi. 

8) “We shouldn’t judge people by their worst moments”

If we judged ourselves by our worst moments, many of us would end up thinking we’re horrible people or losers.

Which is why judging other people by their worst moments or poor behavior at times is also the wrong move.

High-SI people know this deeply and do their best to treat others with respect and consideration even if those people are temporarily behaving poorly or saying upsetting things.

“Socially intelligent people do not take someone’s present behavior as a reaction to the immediate stimulus,” explains psychologist and author Dr. Sandeep Atre. “They know that there are various factors subconsciously at play – complexes, insecurities, concerns, or other unresolved issues. They have patience to go to the root cause before reacting or evaluating offhandedly.”

This ties into the next key phrase said by high-SI individuals.

9) “I really do understand what you’re saying. I’ve been there before”

High-SI people are full of empathy.

They build bridges with others by listening to what people are saying and genuinely responding with care and compassion.

They speak about understanding what somebody is saying in a way that makes it clear they aren’t just patronizing them or saying what they think they “should.”

They really do care, and they really are relating.

As organizational psychology professor Dr. Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D. explains: “Socially intelligent people are great listeners. As a result, others come away from an interaction with an SI person feeling as if they had a good ‘connection’ with him or her.”

10) “That’s interesting. I never thought of it that way”

Keeping an open mind as much as possible is another hallmark of the high-SI individual. 

The above phrase shows appreciation without committing or getting into an in-depth debate.

It allows the other individual to relax and let the tension go a bit, as opposed to the situation if they were accused of being completely wrong or off-base, which a less socially intelligent individual might tend to do.

“When you accuse someone of being wrong, you close them off to considering another perspective by heightening their defenses,” Wiest advises.

11) “I’m not everyone’s cup of tea”

Socially intelligent people don’t feel the need to be liked by everyone, nor do they pressure folks to do what they say or respond positively. 

By having self-awareness of their own faults and also giving people a choice of how to respond to them, they tend to have much better success romantically, professionally and in other areas of their life.

They put their best foot forward, yes, but they also allow their real “unedited” self to shine through, too.

This is a “delicate balance between managing and controlling the image you portray to others and being reasonably ‘authentic’ and letting others see the true self,” explains Riggio. “This is perhaps the most complex element of social intelligence.”

12) “Yes, I hear what you’re saying and it ties into…”

Socially intelligent people don’t only hear what’s said, they also relate it to what’s being discussed overall and wider discussions.

They show that they remember things which have been said previously and that they’ve been listening and considering the topics under discussion.

They don’t look at their smartphone or keep dipping into a conversation on their social media every few minutes.

As Singi observes: “Some people realize the importance of this. If they have people around, they give their 100% attention to the person in front.”

13) “This can stay just between us”

High-SI people don’t make folks doubt privacy or trust. 

They are able to assure other people that their secrets will be kept and that they won’t be judged.

By having a track record of keeping trust and doing what they say, the high-SI folks attract more and more confidence their way.

“Socially intelligent people have a knack of helping people feel comfortable -so comfortable that people can share their thoughts and feelings without a concern for confidentiality or misinterpretation,” Atre writes.

14) “I can feel your pain / enthusiasm / disappointment…”

The high-SI individual is able to relate to other people and empathize with their emotions.

By mirroring others and being there with them, the high-SI individual creates solidarity and togetherness. 

This is a powerful bonding experience and draws people close.

As psychologist Daniel Goleman, Ph.D. and professor Richard Boyatzis explain: “When we consciously or unconsciously detect someone else’s emotions through their actions, our mirror neurons reproduce those emotions. Collectively, these neurons create an instant sense of shared experience.”