It’s all about me, me, me, me, me.

Every time someone mentions or talks about a narcissist, this phrase comes to mind, to the tune of Auburn’s All About Him song.

What about you?

What phrase do you often associate with a narcissistic person?

Let’s see if our phrases match the these list of phrases only narcissists use according to psychologists, and how to respond to them:

1) “After all I’ve done for you, how could you do this to me?”

Narcissists often play on your emotions to make you feel guilty or like you owe them. 

They use phrases like this to make you feel bad or seem ungrateful, manipulating you into doing what they want.

Psychotherapist Dr. Dan Neuharth labels this tactic “emotional appeals” and says narcissists use this to “disguise false or outrageous claims”.

If you’re at the receiving end of this phrase, try to stay calm and stick to the facts.

Remind yourself that you don’t owe them for their so-called “favors” and that more importantly, it’s okay to say no.

2) “Everyone else agrees with me, you should too”

The power of numbers is something that narcissists know all too well, according to Dr Neuharth.

For this reason, they use this phrase to make you feel left out by not agreeing with them.

When this happens to you, hold on to what you believe.

Let the narcissist know that you make your own decisions based on what you think is right, and not just because it’s popular or everyone else is doing it.

Remember:

Having your own opinion, even if it’s different from the crowd, is a strength. Don’t let a manipulative person make you believe that it’s a weakness.

3) “It’s this or that”

Another telltale sign of a highly narcissistic individual is viewing the world in “either-or terms”. Dr Neuarth says that “nuance is lost” on narcissistic people.

They see things only in extremes, which means they see no middle ground that allows for different opinions or alternative choices.

Dr. Neuharth explains that they do this because of the feeling of power they get from this divide-and-conquer strategy.

When you experience this, show them that the world isn’t purely black and white – there are many shades in between.

If they insist on clinging to their extreme views, keep calm and remind them that you’re always ready to talk about different ideas when they’re open to it.

4) “You’re just embarrassing yourself, that’s so dumb…”

Asserting their superiority is what narcissists are all about. And Dr Neuhart says they can even go as far as mocking or humiliating others to achieve this.

Saying demeaning phrases like this is their way of undermining your confidence and creating an environment where you may hesitate to speak up or share your thoughts in the future.

The best way to respond to ridicule is with dignity and assertiveness. Tell them that you won’t tolerate their personal attacks.

But if their insults persist, do yourself a favor and step away. Limit your exposure to their negativity.

5) “People like you are the problem with this world…”

If you think they’d stop at mocking and humiliating, Dr Neuhart claims otherwise.

He says that some narcissists resort to dehumanizing language like this phrase to categorize others as lesser or unworthy, justifying their own mistreatment or disdain for those individuals.

There’s no other way to respond to this other than confronting the behavior directly.

Affirm your own worth and highlight the inappropriateness of their dehumanizing language.

6) “I know I’m right, unless you can prove otherwise…”

This phrase and similar ones are what Dr Neuhart likes to call the “burden of proof” approach.

They do this to avoid having to prove their own claims or to shift the focus away from their actions.

It’s a tricky tactic designed to drain your energy by making you defend your position until you give up – the ending that’s exactly what they’re hoping for.

If you ever encounter someone like this, challenge them in their own game by insisting that they provide evidence to support their claim.

7) “You’re too smart to be manipulated by anyone”

When you hear this, consider it a huge billboard sign alarming you to keep your guard up.

Dr. Neuhart warns that narcissists think others are susceptible to flattery just as much as they are.

When a narcissists says this, here’s what they really mean:

“I’d like you to feel confident about your discernment and intelligence so that it’s easier for me to accept my suggestions and harder for you to see through and reject these.”

Here’s a good rule of thumb:

When the compliment precedes a request, it’s likely deceptive.

Remember, genuine admiration doesn’t serve an ulterior motive.

8) “You’re out of your mind to think that way!”

Like flattery, when someone tells you this, don’t believe them right away.

Dr Neuhart says this is a phrase used by narcissists to cover up the truth that they don’t understand what you’re saying.

He says that instead of admitting confusion, they’d rather question your sanity or rationality, to create a power imbalance where your thoughts and feelings are deemed less valid or credible.

Reduce the effectiveness of this tactic by maintaining your confidence and demanding respectful communication.

9) “But you said…”

This phrase is often followed by something you said but expressed in a completely different context or selectively edited.

Dr Neuhart identifies this as a classic tactic of narcissists and one that they do to discredit others.

When you notice your words being taken out of context, clarify what you said and the circumstances around it.

Be clear and consistent in your communication to avoid giving them the material to manipulate.

10) “You’re just too sensitive”

Narcissists use labeling to dismiss and belittle your feelings or reactions.

Calling you too sensitive is one of their ways of doing this.

It’s a trick they love to use to invalidate your emotions but also to suggest that your response is an overreaction, resulting in them seeming like the rational one.

Don’t fall into this trap by honoring and trusting your feelings. Let them know that their attempts to label you will not change the validity of your emotions or concerns.

As Dr Neuharth says, narcissists love labels and making it clear their labels have no power over you immediately strips them of the power they think they have.

11) “Let’s compromise”

It’s important to consider the context when you hear this phrase, as it can be coming from positive intentions.

The key to differentiating between an innocent phrase to a narcissistic one is to look at the fairness of the proposal.

Dr Neuhart says that when narcissists offer a compromise, it still often favors them significantly. So if you really think it through, it’s not a genuine middle ground.

They just threw in the word ‘compromise’ to trick you into believing that they’re being fair, thereby pressuring you into agreeing to less than what is fair or deserved.

Again, evaluate the fairness of their proposal and stand firm on your original position.

Remember that assertiveness is crucial when dealing with narcissists.

12) “I promise…”

Like the previous phrase, context is important with this one.

Dr Neuhart cautions that narcissists are really good at making promises with no intention of keeping them. These empty promises are used to appease you temporarily and avoid immediate conflict or responsibility.

So how do you react to this?

Take note of the patterns in their promises and their follow-through.

But don’t stop there.

It’s also a good idea to hold them accountable by setting clear deadlines and consequences for not meeting commitments.

If their pattern continues, you’re likely dealing with a narcissist.

So what do you do?

Take a narcissist’s promise with a grain of salt. Reduce your reliance on their words and adjust your expectations accordingly.

13) “Can’t you see I don’t have time for this?”

Psychologist Dr Ramani Durvasula says that the ‘this’ in this phrase can be anything.

She emphasizes that narcissists are all about entitlement and lack of empathy, which causes them to be dismissive of someone else’s needs.

This phrase and others like it is what they often use to convey a sense of self-importance. They want you to think that their time is more valuable than yours.

Respond by acknowledging their busy schedule but also reiterating the importance of the matter.

But don’t get your hopes up.

Dr Durvasula says narcissists are unlikely to make time for you unless it’s for something that they need.

14) “Do you know who you’re dealing with?”

Another input from Dr Durvasula is that narcissists use phrases like this to create “an illusion of power and a sense of fear in you.”

They want to instill that they have a certain level of influence that should not be underestimated, and it serves as a subtle threat to you or anyone who might challenge them.

It’s their way of instilling fear to reinforce their perceived dominance and deter anyone from opposing or scrutinizing them.

Give them a dose of their own medicine by responding confidently, expressing you are aware of who you are dealing with, and that you expect mutual respect in all your interactions.

15) “It’s not that I’m making it about me, but..”

This phrase is a classic example of a narcissist’s tendency to center themselves in virtually every conversation.

Dr Durvasula calls this a “pseudo-disclaimer” and says that narcissists like to use it to subtly shift the focus onto themselves, while maintaining a facade of self-awareness.

When you encounter this phrase, it’s important to redirect the conversation back to the original topic or to other people involved.

Acknowledge the narcissist’s statement briefly if necessary, but then firmly steer the discussion back to ensure that everyone’s perspectives are considered.

The takeaway

Now that you’re clued in on these phrases only narcissists use, you can handle them without losing your footing.

Stay aware, hold your ground, protect your boundaries, and never ever forget this when dealing with a narcissist:

It’s all about them, them, them, them, them…