16 phrases only highly narcissistic people use, according to psychology
Narcissistic individuals are stuck in an insecure and distorted view of the world in which they are all that matters.
This reflects in their actions and the way they treat those around them. It also comes through in the words they say and the way they talk to you.
Psychology provides valuable answers about the phrases used by extremely narcissistic folks.
By understanding the tricks of the intense narcissistic, all of us can avoid their manipulation and live our lives with more empowerment and clarity.
Let’s dive in:
1) “I don’t have time for this.”
The narcissist is a master at making themselves seem more important and “above” your problems and the concerns of “ordinary people.”
By dismissing the problems, questions and comments of other people, they try to elevate themselves to a higher platform.
If you have any self-esteem doubts it can succeed in making you subservient to them, which is why they say snippy phrases like this.
“Not only are they unable to understand another person’s needs, but they’re also dismissive of them,” explains psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula.
2) “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
The narcissist hates apologies like the plague, but he or she has a way to do an end-run around them:
Apologize for how you feel about something that happened.
Missing in this fake apology? Actually being sorry for what they did or what they may have done wrong.
As psychotherapist Erin Leonard writes:
“Instead of the partner putting themselves in your shoes to attempt to understand how you feel, they immediately reject your feeling and label it yours.”
3) “Things used to be so good. Why did you ruin it?”
The narcissist often begins a friendship or relationship with love bombing and giving out lots of approval. They build you up just to break you down.
Then, whenever you don’t do what they want or follow in line, they refer back to the fake “golden age” and blame you for ruining it.
This is classic narcissistic gaslighting at work.
“By pretending they can still be loving, the narcissist makes their victim believe the insults are their own fault,” observes psychology writer Lindsay Dodgson.
4) “Why are you being like this?”
The narcissist always finds a way to shift the blame of a situation or issue onto others.
Whatever is going on, they will blame you for being too upset (or not being upset enough) or anything, really.
They want you questioning your own behavior and reactions and any focus of blame on other people, not them.
As Durvasula says:
“Narcissists have a stunning capacity to shift from being the offender to being the victim. You may be the one who has the flu or a tough week at work. But if whatever you’re struggling with inconveniences them, it will be framed as their problem.”
5) “You don’t deserve me.”
The narcissist loves to elevate themselves to a false position of superiority. This is often driven by an inner feeling of worthlessness.
Telling you that you don’t deserve them is a classic way they try to get you to fall in line and do whatever they say.
They want you to seek their approval and love out of fear they will leave or reject you.
As psychotherapist Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW writes:
“Narcissists find ways to position themselves as the superior person in relationships with comments like ‘You don’t deserve me’ or ‘You’re lucky to have me.’”
6) “You’re never going to amount to anything.”
The narcissist searches for a way to get inside your head and plant doubt and doom there.
This future doomsday prediction about the bad fortune of others is one of their favorites.
It is a put-down and insult that makes them feel a temporary high and allays their inner doubt of their own actual value.
“Narcissists have poor interpersonal boundaries and carry a sense of entitlement, leading to disrespecting others.
“The more you allow someone to disrespect you, the more they may continue,” points out marriage and family therapist Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., MFT.
7) “You’re being way too sensitive!”
The narcissist reserves the right to judge who is feeling too much or too little.
This is their reality bubble in which they are the judge and jury of your feelings and the reactions of everybody else.
By gaslighting people about their reactions, the narcissist hopes to shame and control them.
“Being unfairly attacked when you are not the one who made the mistake can be maddening. It is natural to get upset in this situation,” notes Leonard.
8) “Your friends are losers.”
This is an isolation tactic used by narcissists in which they try to shut you off from any outside sources of support.
By making themselves the one who decides everything, they eliminate pesky friends, family and loved ones who may get in the way.
They will also devalue other parts of your life that take your attention or time away from them.
“They’ll try to devalue everything their victim loves, such as their interest and hobbies, and even their family,” Dodgson explains.
9) “You just don’t get it.”
The narcissist demands that they get to define what is true and untrue and they won’t tolerate any challenge to that.
Claiming that you don’t understand or can’t wrap your mind around something is their attempt to control the frame (paradigm) of what is happening.
Their point is that they are the only one who truly gets what’s going on and you need to shut up and obey.
As Neuharth notes:
“Some narcissists seem defined by opposition, seeking to harangue, vilify, or subjugate others.”
10) “I’m acting like this because I’m scared to lose you…”
The intense narcissist always has an excuse.
When they completely lose control or go over the top into verbal abuse and a meltdown, this is one of the typical “comeback” phrases.
It isn’t an actual apology, but instead it’s a justification that they acted horrific out of love. In other words, they didn’t do anything wrong in their own eyes.
As psychologist Perpetua Neo points out, narcissists “start explaining away their behavior if they are ever challenged on it.”
11) “You brought this on yourself.”
Whatever happens and however badly a situation is going, the narcissist will blame you.
This includes if they cheat on you or yell at you or threaten to leave you.
Whatever the case, they emphasize that you and you alone are to blame for whatever is going wrong.
“Narcissists will find ways to shift the blame to you whenever they can since accepting responsibility would require them to take responsibility and admit shame (which they struggle with),” Miller notes.
12) “You really need to toughen up.”
This is another gaslighting phrase used by the narcissist:
It shifts the blame onto you and demands that you feel the way they’d prefer you to feel.
It’s also often used to isolate you from friends and family by claiming that your concern over them is invalid or exaggerated.
As psychologist Silvi Saxena, MSW writes:
“They say this because they think that showing compassion is weak and that you should be able to handle what they say.”
13) “Everybody else likes me but you.”
This is an isolation attempt:
You are told that you are the one outlier, the one person who disapproves of the narcissist.
Everybody else loves them, but you are out of control and have some unknown issue with them!
“To protect themselves from insecurity, shame, and loneliness, narcissists trick themselves with delusions of having unlimited power, success, and love from others,” Miller explains.
14) “Just let it go already.”
The narcissist loves to tell other people when they should stop caring about something.
This is especially true when the subject is to stop caring about something the narcissist did.
You’re told to sit down, shut up and do whatever the narcissist says.
“They expect you to roll with their punches, and to convince you that what you feel is not significant. Long term, phrases like this can leave you feeling like your feelings don’t matter,” observes Saxena.
15) “Why can’t you just be on my side for once?”
The narcissist never gets enough support.
He or she always accuses you of falling short in truly backing them.
But no matter how much support you give, you’re told that you should give more and they pounce on you as soon as you offer the mildest critique. As Miller observes:
“They often seek relationships with people who are able to constantly affirm them (though they rarely reciprocate).”
16) “Nobody else will ever love you.”
The narcissist’s final and most vicious hit is this kind of statement.
It’s the ultimate form of gaslighting and isolation rolled into one:
A claim that you are unlovable, at least by anybody but them. Sadly, of course, the narcissist never offered real love to begin with.
“When a narcissist has completely worn their victim down, they may tire of them,” Neo writes.
“It might be because they’ve bled them dry of funds, or they’ve simply found someone new to abuse.”