Dealing with a narcissist can be incredibly draining. 

Like a Trojan Horse, they enter your life under false pretenses. Perhaps they flatter, lovebomb, or convince you they’re your friend.

But watch out, it’s all a smokescreen (a sneak attack)!

The fact is, they’re masters of wordplay, manipulation, and psychological warfare. 

This ability to twist the truth (and guilt trip you) enables them to turn an innocent comment into a heinous attack, making them the “innocent victim.” 

Before you know it, you’re “the bad guy” and apologizing for something you didn’t even do. 

It’s a talent – one they’ve gotten down to an art. 

So, how can you prevent yourself from getting sucked into their web of lies? According to psychology, you should listen out for these six phrases.

1) “Relax, you’re overreacting.”

Sound familiar?

Well, this is gaslighting at its finest. 

Narcissists often use this or similar phrases to undermine and completely dismiss your emotions. 

In psychology, it’s called minimization and it’s a form of emotional manipulation (gaslighting).

But that’s not all.

By labeling your reaction as irrational or excessive, they make you question what really happened. 

It gets to the point where you blame yourself and assume fault, making you the bad guy (or the scapegoat). 

The truth is.

They’re deflecting, all to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. It’s classic NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) behavior. 

2) “I was only joking.”

Who here hasn’t heard this phrase before?

Someone insults you to your face, only to add “I’m only joking” at the end to downplay their behavior.

Perhaps they double down by following it up with a “Why can’t you just let it go” or “You need to toughen up” to cover their back and avoid accountability.

Maybe they even outright claim “That never happened,” leaving you questioning your recollection of events (along with your sanity).

Here’s the thing. 

Even though they’re clearly lying, narcissists have a way of confusing you into submission. Eventually, you’re so disorientated you can’t tell which way is up or down. 

In other words, they’re gaslighting you into believing it’s your fault. 

This tactic not only undermines the validity of your feelings but also makes you wonder if (perhaps) you’re actually the bad guy.

It’s a never-ending cycle of manipulation, invalidation, and avoidance. And according to psychologists, it’s their way of gaining control over you. 

3) “If you really loved me, you would…”

If a partner or family member uses this phrase, beware of the guilt trip. 

This is a narcissist’s favorite tactic.

For good reason.

Guilt is a powerful emotion. It combines feelings of shame, anxiety, pride, and embarrassment. 

Psychologists describe guilt as a “self-conscious” act that involves “reflection.” 

You can feel guilty for any number of reasons, but usually, it’s triggered by thinking you’ve done something morally wrong or failed to do something you should’ve done. 

It’s like having a built-in Jiminy Cricket (your conscience).

But it’s not a perfect system (by any means) and narcissists have learned how to use this to their advantage.

Simply put, they guilt-trip you.

Using emotional blackmail and manipulation, they question your love and commitment to make you change your mind, prioritize their needs over your own, and comply with their demands.

Another example would be saying something like, “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”

By bringing up past deeds they’ve done for you, they further tug at your heartstrings to portray you as the bad guy and remind you that you owe them. 

4) “You’re too sensitive”

Similar to “You’re overreacting” this phrase hits you on multiple levels. 

Not only are they ridiculing you by minimizing your emotions, but they’re shifting the blame onto you. 

How?

Well, by labeling you as overly sensitive, they’re implying that the problem lies with your fragility rather than their own hurtful behavior.

Let me explain.

Studies show, that narcissists often display high levels of vulnerable characteristics. For example, hypersensitivity, devaluation, insecurity, and of course, victimhood.

As a result, when they do something wrong, they get defensive (blame-shift). What’s more, they make you the bad guy by playing the victim card. 

In psychology, when someone regularly displays a victim mindset, there’s a high chance that they suffer from Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

It’s backed up by research.

5) “It’s not my fault, you made me do it.”

This phrase screams DEFLECTION!

Even when faced with irrefutable proof (e.g. receipts, messages, photos, eyewitnesses), someone with NPD will find a way to redirect attention (and blame) back onto you. 

The fact is, narcissists aren’t prone to empathy, guilt, and shame in the same way as us. There are psychological studies on it. 

This leads to unethical behavior and a lack of accountability or ownership. Instead, they will blame work, stress, money, and even you. 

It’s their way of regaining control.

They may say “You’re the problem,” accuse you of “Just trying to start drama,” or make sweeping generalizations by starting sentences with “You always/you never.”

That’s because deflection is often followed by an attack or name-calling. 

It’s what differentiates this behavior from an unconscious defense mechanism from a sign of narcissism.

6) “I’m the victim here”

Narcissists often use a controlling manipulation tactic known in psychology as DARVO (it’s an anonym). 

First, they gaslight you (Denial). Then, they insult you (Attack). Finally, they turn the tables by playing the victim and engaging in victim blaming (Reverse Victim and Offender).

Examples of this include saying “I’m the victim here” or claiming that “You’re a bad person.” 

According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, this allows them to get validation and keep their ego intact.

In other words, flip the script. 

By portraying themselves as the injured party, they evade accountability and turn the focus away from their wrongdoings.

It causes doubt and uncertainty in the real victim (you). 

They may even up the ante by playing the victim in front of friends or family to garner sympathy and manipulate others into feeling sorry for them.

Ultimately, this and the other phrases not only paint you as the bad guy but they’re designed to control you. 

However, it’s all projection and a devilish attempt to make you the aggressor and them the victim of your alleged manipulation.

Don’t fall for it.