Wouldn’t it be nice if you could spot a narcissist from a mile off, well before you exchanged words?

While there’s unfortunately no ‘narcissist radar,’ it is possible to identify a narcissistic person during your first few conversations with them.

Narcissists are often skilled at charming their way into people’s lives, but their need for admiration and control can slip through the cracks, even in casual small talk.

By paying attention to the subtle phrases they use, you can start to recognize the red flags early on.

In this article, we’ll explore 8 phrases narcissists often use while making small talk, and how these words reveal their deeper, self-centered motives.

1) “Enough about you, let’s talk about me”

This phrase is a classic hallmark of narcissistic conversation. A narcissist might use this phrase during small talk, either directly or indirectly, to steer the conversation back towards themselves.

They’re often more interested in discussing their own experiences, achievements, or interests rather than genuinely engaging with what you have to say.

They may use this phrase after you’ve shared something about yourself, and it can leave you feeling unheard or unimportant.

Remember, narcissism is a recognized psychological condition. It’s not simply a character flaw or a personal choice. When interacting with a narcissist, you might feel frustrated or belittled. But it’s helpful to keep in mind that their primary interest is often themselves.

Understanding this can help us navigate conversations with narcissists more effectively, by recognizing their patterns and adjusting our responses accordingly.

2) “I can’t believe how much we have in common”

Surprisingly, this is another phrase often used by narcissists, particularly during small talk.

It may seem like an attempt to establish a connection or find common ground. However, it’s typically a technique for them to gain your trust and steer the conversation towards their favorite subject: themselves.

Narcissists frequently use this phrase to subtly shift the focus of the conversation.

They may start by discussing shared interests or experiences, but eventually, they’ll dominate the conversation with their own stories and perspectives.

This strategy can be disarming because it appears friendly and relatable at first.

3) “I don’t mean to brag, but…”

This phrase is a common tool for narcissists to subtly insert their achievements or superior traits into the conversation.

The irony is that the disclaimer at the beginning is often a mere formality, as they fully intend to boast about something.

Narcissists have a deep need for admiration and validation, rooted in their low self-esteem. They may feel compelled to highlight their successes, even during casual small talk, to fulfill this need.

The act of bragging allows them to assert their perceived superiority and boost their self-image.

Narcissists often struggle with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, and their boasting is a defense mechanism against these negative self-perceptions.

4) “No one understands me like you do”

Narcissists often use this phrase to foster a sense of closeness and mutual understanding.

It may feel flattering at first like you’re being recognized for your empathy and insight. However, it’s usually a strategic move on their part.

This phrase can create an illusion of intimacy that the narcissist can exploit to their advantage.

It’s a way for them to make you feel special and valued, which can make it easier for them to manipulate the relationship.

5) “I’m not like other people”

This is a phrase narcissists often use to set themselves apart from the crowd.

It can seem intriguing and make you feel like you’re dealing with someone unique or special, which is something we all can find appealing.

However, this phrase is often used by narcissists to elevate themselves above others, implying that they’re superior or extraordinary.

It’s a way for them to establish their uniqueness and demand more attention or admiration.

We’ve all felt the desire to be seen as unique or special at times. But for narcissists, this need can become an unhealthy obsession. 

6) “I knew you’d say that”

Narcissists often use this phrase to assert control over a conversation. It’s as if they’re implying they have an uncanny ability to predict your thoughts or actions, almost like they know you better than you know yourself.

For instance, I recall a time when I was sharing a new idea with a friend who often displays narcissistic traits.

Before I could fully explain my thoughts, they interrupted with, “I knew you’d say that. You’re always coming up with these wild ideas.”

It felt dismissive and invalidated my feelings.

This phrase is used by narcissists to subtly undermine your confidence and reinforce their perceived superiority. 

7) “Nobody does it as well as I do”

This phrase is a classic example of a narcissist asserting their supremacy.

They’re essentially saying that they’re the best, the most competent, and the most skilled, often without any substantial proof to back up their claims.

Imagine you’re baking a cake for the first time, and a narcissistic friend sees your effort. Instead of offering help or encouragement, they might say, “Nobody bakes as well as I do.”

It’s not constructive, it’s not supportive; it’s just a way for them to flex their perceived superiority.

While it’s hard to hear, remember that these comments are less about you and more about their need to feel superior. Stay strong, and don’t let their words undermine your confidence or self-worth.

8) “It’s not my fault”

This phrase might be the most important to recognize when dealing with a narcissist.

Narcissists struggle to accept responsibility for their actions or mistakes, preferring instead to shift the blame onto others.

You might hear this phrase when something goes wrong, even in situations where it’s clear that they’re at fault.

For example, if a project fails or a task is done incorrectly, a narcissist would likely deflect the blame rather than accept their part in the mistake.

This behavior is a defense mechanism stemming from their fear of appearing imperfect or flawed. 

Final thoughts

Spotting a narcissist during small talk can save you from deeper entanglements later on.

These phrases might seem harmless on the surface, but they often hint at a deeper pattern of manipulation or self-absorption. 

Narcissists often thrive on reactions. Responding calmly and without emotional engagement can discourage their manipulative tendencies.

Moreover, if someone’s comments make you uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to steer the conversation or firmly redirect their behavior. If their behavior persists, it’s okay to limit your interactions or distance yourself entirely.