11 phrases manipulators use to gain sympathy and exploit your kindness

If a manipulator can sense you’re an empath, you better watch out!
They’ll play the victim to win your heart.
They do it for various reasons.
Perhaps they want to get out of trouble, or perhaps they want to take advantage of you for their own benefit.
So how do you protect yourself from them?
Well, start by paying very close attention to the things they say.
Here are 11 phrases manipulators use to gain sympathy and exploit your kindness.
1) “Nobody cares.”
This phrase works really well especially on people who have what psychologists call the hero complex.
Hearing these words would make you want to instantly comfort them and tell them “Shhh! That’s nonsense!”
I’m an empath and I don’t ever want anyone to feel like no one cares for them or the things they do.
I’d tell them “We all matter!” and “Of course we care—at least I do!”
And it’s dangerous because I don’t just stop with comforting words, I’d DO things to make them feel better!
Now there are people who are saying this because they actually mean it—and not because they’re simply manipulators who want to exploit people.
So don’t pull away the moment you hear this line. Have some compassion. But also…be a little bit vigilant, too.
See where your convo will go and then ask yourself “Hmmm, do they want something from me?”
You can easily tell someone’s a manipulator when they’d ask for favors just a few minutes after they dramatically exclaim “Nobody cares!”
2) “But I was just trying to help.”
They messed up—big time!
Nobody asked them to do anything, and yet, they did things that turned into a disaster.
And now, they want to wash their hands clean—to be free from the consequences of their actions.
Before you blame them or worse, ask them to pay for the damages they’ve done, they’d say “But I was just trying to help!”
They might even shed some tears, too.
By saying this phrase, their goal is to gain your sympathy so you won’t make a big deal of what they just did.
After all, if they have “good intentions”, they shouldn’t be punished, right? Or at least that’s what they want you to think!
3) “They want to make me suffer.”
Manipulators are a dramatic bunch.
They want people to think that everyone’s against them, as if they’re some tortured hero in a 90’s soap opera.
Why?
Because they want you to side with them!
When we hear someone say this phrase, our tendency is to become more protective of them. We’d want to save them from the people who are making their life miserable!
And because of their brainwashing, even if we know nothing about their “enemies”, we automatically assume that they’re indeed awful people.
Here’s what you should do: Listen to them but don’t meddle with their affairs.
And be careful not to say anything negative towards their “enemies” because they could report this to them so it would appear that you’re indeed siding with them.
4) “Sometimes, I just need someone who believes in me.”
Let’s analyze this phrase for one sec.
Why do you think someone would say this?
It’s quite obvious. So YOU’LL believe in them, of course!
You’d of course want to comfort them and make them feel supported.
But watch out! They will take what you say seriously and use it to exploit your kindness.
For example, they’d say:
You believe I am a good entrepreneur, right?
Maybe you can help me fund my start-up.
Or:
You believe I can be a good manager, right?
Maybe you can help me get a promotion.
These are extreme examples, but I hope you get my point.
Just be very careful when someone feels sorry for themself and needs you to boost their self-esteem. They might just be saying those things to get something from you.
5) “Gah, why am I so stupid?!”
Now, I personally use this line but I’m not a manipulator. I simply use it to self-deprecate and nothing more!
So again, just because someone utters them, doesn’t mean they’re manipulative. You have to pay attention to what they say or do after they say these phrases to get the full picture.
Saying “Ugh, I’m stupid” or “Uh, I’m not good at this” works because it would make you people go “Awww, of course not!”.
Think about it. Only an asshole would say “Yes, I agree. You are indeed stupid!”
That would have been fine if they’re just sharing their genuine frustration and not saying things to win your sympathy. But trust me, some manipulators use this to get what they want.
Here are some ways it can be used to manipulate:
Someone who’s lazy at work would say this, for example, so you’d help them finish a report.
If they feel “stupid”, you’d want to help them, wouldn’t you?
Or someone who just committed a huge mistake would say this to you so you’d comfort them and side with them. After all, they’ve already acknowledged their mistake.
6) “I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night.”
It doesn’t seem nice to be hard on someone who says they haven’t had a good night’s sleep.
After all, it’s a legit reason to not function well. And hey, it’s not their fault, is it?
It’s fine if they do it once or twice…but twenty times?
They’re probably exploiting your kindness (and lying to your face)!
This could be used by your coworker who doesn’t submit work on time (hoping that you would understand).
Or by your partner who doesn’t want to wash the dishes (hoping that you would do it instead—and without grumbling).
It’s brilliant, really.
If they don’t want to do something, they’ll simply say this phrase so you’ll have no choice but to take up their slack.
7) “Maybe there really is something wrong with me…”
Why do manipulators say this?
So you’d minimize their flaws and give them your sympathy.
Manipulators are so good at reverse psychology that they probably have a phD in it.
If they say “there’s something wrong with me.” Our brains are wired to think the opposite and we’d start to look at their positive traits more than the negative ones.
So if someone keeps saying this phrase, trust me— what they really want to say is “there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me. And if you don’t agree with that, there’s something wrong with YOU!”
That way, if you do see their flaws, you’d not make a big deal of them. In fact, you might even try to convince yourself that their flaws are actually a good thing!
8) “Don’t worry, I’m used to people treating me like garbage.”
When you set boundaries, some manipulators would say this phrase to make you feel guilty.
They want to tell you their sad life story—that people never treat them right, blah blah blah. And so you giving them another “no” would feel like you’re part of the big gang that makes their life miserable.
They want you to feel so guilty that you’ll finally grant them the favors they’re asking from you!
Don’t give in.
You’re definitely not treating them like garbage. They just want to get what they want from you using manipulative words.
9) “I need your help—just this once!”
I personally go out of my way to help others if they tell me “just this once”.
I figured that people who say this must be in desperate need of help because they can’t use the “just once” card on me again.
Except that many of them do.
They will say “just once” five or ten or twenty times!
I’ve learned my lesson.
Now, I don’t say “yes” just because people tell me they won’t ask help from me again!
A “no” is a “no” and people should learn to respect that.
10) “Wow, I wish I was as lucky as you.”
Let’s say your parents are rich and they’re dirt poor.
A manipulator will emphasize this fact to make you feel a little guilty.
Why?
So you’ll do things for them, of course.
Some people, when they hear “Wow, I wish I was as lucky as you”, would feel obligated to give favors or excuse people for their bad behavior…just to make things “fair”.
If they committed an offense, they might cry and say “I grew up poor and no one taught me how to do things right”.
Or “I’ve become greedy and I think it’s because I felt deprived all my life. I wish I had your life, then I wouldn’t have done this.”
Or let’s say you have a loving family and they don’t.
A manipulator will say this so you’d be guilty of saying “no” if they ask you to hang out with them. After all, they’re sad and alone and you aren’t.
11) “I don’t want to exploit your kindness, but…”
They won’t even pretend they’re not using you, they’d outright say it!
Self-awareness almost always works because again, it’s reverse psych. And it’s funny and witty and charming, too.
Yes, you’d be aware that they’re manipulating you and using you, but because they acknowledge it, you somehow don’t FEEL like that’s what they’re actually doing.
So be careful. If someone is so “raw” and “direct” about their intentions, believe them. Don’t make rash decisions just because they’re charming.
They might be actually exploiting your kindness. And it’s your duty to protect yourself.
Final thoughts:
Again, just a reminder: Just because someone uses any of these phrases, doesn’t automatically mean they’re manipulative.
We all use these phrases from time to time!
But if someone you know says almost all of these phrases regularly, you have to be more careful.
Examine them closely if they actually display manipulative behaviors.
And if you realize that they do, guard yourself always—but especially during the times you hear any of the phrases I listed in this article.