We’ve all known them and dealt with them. The shady people who utilize manipulation to belittle or gaslight you.

Narcissists use this tactic to create conflict and a power imbalance by inflicting emotional abuse to damage the self-esteem of other people. 

In fact, according to the National Institute of Health, the trauma caused by chronic manipulation can cause you to develop issues with anxiety or depression.

To avoid this sad fate, let’s explore nine common manipulative phrases used to make you feel small, according to psychology.  

1) “I didn’t say that”

This is a favorite deflection technique of a master manipulator.

The obvious implication is that you’re lying, and they are not. People who use this phrase as a go-to are attempting to gaslight you. 

Because they know exactly what they said.

The manipulator or narcissist may even try to convince you that you’re hearing things. They’ll even accuse you of lying or deliberately misconstruing their statement to avoid taking any responsibility.

They want you to second-guess your sanity because throwing you off balance helps them achieve their nefarious goals. When they insist that you’re “hearing things,” the goal is to make you worry that you’re delusional or hallucinating.

Don’t let them do that to you. You know exactly what you heard. Resolve that you won’t take part in a discussion with someone who plays mind games designed to belittle you.

2) “You’re way too sensitive” 

This phrase is another universal favorite of gaslighting narcissists, bless their little conniving souls.

When you hear this classic line, remember this is just another way for a manipulator to project any inkling of blame onto you and off of them. 

After all, they haven’t done anything wrong (the very idea!), so this sounds like a “you” problem. Nobody else seems to be bothered with their behavior. Maybe you need to get over yourself. 

And hey, maybe you really are more sensitive than most, but that doesn’t mean jerky people get to weaponize it against you. 

No matter what a narc may tell you, being sensitive is not a character flaw. In fact, emotionally healthy people consider sensitivity a plus. 

Remind your favorite manipulator of that fact and watch their head explode. 

3) “You have no right to feel that way”

This is the manipulator doing their best to police your emotions. It’s also incredibly dismissive of your feelings, which is no surprise because the only feelings that matter to a narc are their own. 

“Who the $@#! do you think you are?” might be your reply if you’re the sort who doesn’t mince words.

Hi, I’m “the sort.”

On the other hand, if someone is particularly passive and doesn’t stand up for themselves or know how to set boundaries, they may accept subpar behavior from subpar people rather than run the risk of a confrontation.

Cut anyone off who attempts to dictate how you’re “allowed” to feel. Let them know in no uncertain terms that you, and only you, get to decide if your feelings are valid. 

If they continue to invalidate you and your feelings, disengage from the conversation. Nothing good can come of it.

4) “If you loved me you’d do this for me”

Ugh. What a crock. And you can bet that whatever “this” is puts you in an uncomfortable or even compromising position.

This person is trying to make you prove your love by catering to their demands. This is manipulation at its most toxic.

The narc believes that by appealing to your conscience, they can make you feel guilty for not wanting to make them happy, even if it’s dangerous or harmful.

Psychological research suggests that if you’re an empath or have a history of people-pleasing, you’re particularly susceptible to this form of manipulation. 

Do not fall for it. 

Explain to the manipulator that ultimatums to prove your love don’t fly with you and you won’t tolerate such childishness.

5) “You’re too dramatic”

You gotta love when someone who should be polishing twenty Oscar awards accuses you of being over-dramatic. 

Because when someone says, “You’re being dramatic,” it’s invariably an attempt to deflect attention away from their own dramatic behavior. You’ll probably hear this gem uttered after you hold a narc accountable for their actions. 

In retaliation, they’ll try to paint you as the villain or accuse you of pushing their buttons. Funny how the ones who claim to not like drama are almost always the instigators behind any conflict and are hard to get along with.

Assure them that you won’t be labeled negatively or lured into an unproductive and unhealthy discussion of the matter. If they persist, remove yourself from the situation. 

Life’s too short for needless drama.

6) “You’re so paranoid”

As your manipulative friend surely knows, paranoia is a symptom of serious mental illnesses, including schizophrenia. 

Accusing you of being paranoid is a gaslighting technique akin to calling you delusional or nuts. This is a favorite response when you’ve caught the narc red-handed lying or cheating. 

Psychology defines this behavior as emotional abuse. Using word salad to avoid taking responsibility and making you doubt your sanity is not what healthy people do.

All you can really do is inform the manipulative person that you won’t continue to engage with them if they insist on insulting you. But keep in mind that it’s not easy to convince chronic manipulators that they’re childish and downright mean for name-calling.

It’s hard to reason with someone who lacks empathy, so feel free to simply walk away.

7) “You’re overreacting again” 

Telling you that you’re overreacting is meant to minimize your feelings and trivialize your concerns. 

The narc’s intention is, once again, deflection. They divert attention from their wrongdoing by casting you as an unreasonable person who’s unable to regulate your emotions.

This is a power play to control your behavior by shaming you, probably because you’re holding them accountable or protecting your boundaries.

This behavior can immediately put you on the defensive, and that’s what they’re counting on, frankly.

Don’t give them what they want by reacting with anger. That just gives them the chance  to say, “I’m right. You really are crazy!”

Just walk away, friend. They’re not worth the jail time.

8) “I already said I was sorry”

Yeah, right, whatever. 

Manipulative people usually say this with a condescending tone of annoyance. What they’re telling you is that  you’re the unreasonable one for expecting more than empty words from them.

In the narcissist’s mind, saying “I’m sorry” should absolve them from any wrongdoings or hurt they’ve caused you since the dawn of time. 

Every insincere apology is a blanket insincere apology.  

9) “Look what you made me do”

Psychology describes this as a blame-shifting tactic used by manipulative individuals who flatly refuse to accept responsibility for their crummy behavior. 

They’re essentially painting you as the villain and not the victim in whatever dicey situation they’ve created. 

Of course, any functional adult understands that claiming you forced someone to do anything they didn’t want to do is grossly unfair. We can influence other people, of course, but forcing any adult to do anything they’d rather not is highly unlikely.

Make sure to call a narc out every time they try to use you as a scapegoat. Be crystal  clear that you’re aware of their blame-shifting B.S. and that you’re having none of it. 

Final thoughts 

As I’m sure you’ve surmised, the manner in which you respond to manipulative individuals is key. 

I lived with a narcissist for ten years. The most important lesson I learned was that refusing to react to manipulative phrases robs them of the ability to use your emotions against you. 

Make sure you communicate your feelings calmly and directly  while identifying the behaviors you refuse to tolerate from them. 

Greyrock them if you must.

Manipulative people really hate that, so have a ball!