Have you ever felt unbalanced in a conversation, as if the other person is playing a strategic game you’re not aware of?

Or maybe you’ve walked away from a discussion feeling like you’ve been manipulated, but you’re not quite sure how it happened?

We’ve all been there, in the clutches of manipulative people, and I’m no exception.

These folks have a knack for using certain phrases that give them an upper hand, leaving us feeling somewhat powerless.

But here’s the good news: once you know what to look out for, you can begin to regain your footing.

Let’s delve into this. Here are 9 phrases that manipulative people often use to tip the scales in their favor.

Are you ready to turn the tables? Let’s get started.

1) “You’re overreacting”

One of the most common phrases manipulative people use is “You’re overreacting”. This phrase can be incredibly disarming, making you question your own perspective and reactions.

It’s a tactic called gaslighting, and it’s used to gain control by making you second-guess your instincts and feelings.

It’s like quicksand; the more you struggle with whether or not you’re overreacting, the deeper you sink into the manipulator’s control.

This phrase is designed to make you feel like your reactions are unwarranted.

It can leave you feeling confused and even guilty for being upset or concerned.

The key to disarming this tactic is recognizing it when it happens. It’s about understanding that your feelings are valid and that anyone who consistently makes you question them might not have your best interests at heart.

2) “I’m just saying it for your own good”

Another phrase manipulative people often use is “I’m just saying it for your own good”. This phrase is a way of sugarcoating criticism or harsh words, making them seem like acts of kindness rather than attempts to undermine or belittle you.

It’s a masterstroke in manipulation. It can make you feel guilty for questioning or rejecting their ‘advice’, despite it causing you discomfort or distress.

This phrase is employed to make you feel indebted or obliged to the manipulator. It’s as if they’re doing you a favor by pointing out your flaws or mistakes.

But here’s the thing: genuine advice or constructive criticism is usually offered with respect and sensitivity, not presented as a favor that leaves you feeling small or inadequate.

Recognizing this phrase for what it is – an attempt to control and manipulate – can help you maintain your self-esteem and assert your boundaries. 

3) “If you really cared about me, you would…”

This phrase… oh, how it brings back memories. It’s amazing how manipulative people can twist your emotions, making you feel like you’re not caring enough if you don’t bend to their will.

I remember a friend who used to use this phrase quite often. If I didn’t agree with her plans or couldn’t make it to an event she was hosting, she would say, “If you really cared about me, you would come.”

And guess what? I fell for it every time. I felt guilty and ended up doing things I didn’t want to do, just to prove my loyalty and affection.

But here’s what I’ve learned: true friends don’t blackmail you emotionally. They respect your choices and boundaries. They understand that you can care deeply about them without having to sacrifice your own comfort or priorities.

So the next time someone tries to guilt-trip you with this phrase, remember that your worth isn’t measured by how much you can sacrifice for others. You have every right to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty or uncaring.

4) “No one else has a problem with it”

This is another phrase that manipulative people use to subtly undermine your confidence and assertiveness. It’s an attempt to isolate you and make you feel like your concerns or objections are invalid because “everyone else” seems to be okay with the situation.

This phrase can make you question your own judgment and perspective, making you feel like the outlier.

But here’s the truth: just because “no one else” seems to have a problem, doesn’t mean that your feelings or concerns are invalid. Everyone has different boundaries, comfort levels, and perspectives. What might be okay for others might not be okay for you, and that’s perfectly fine.

Don’t let anyone make you feel like your concerns don’t matter or that you’re overreacting. Your feelings and comfort are important, and you have the right to express them without being dismissed or belittled.

5) “You’re just too sensitive”

Ever heard this phrase and felt like you’re somehow at fault for reacting to something that genuinely upset you? It’s a classic manipulation tactic, often used as a way to dismiss your feelings and make you question your emotional responses.

But did you know that being sensitive isn’t a flaw? In fact, according to psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron, approximately 20% of the population are highly sensitive people. They feel emotions deeply and are more empathetic, often making them more intuitive and creative.

So, the next time someone tries to belittle your feelings by calling you “too sensitive”, remember this: your sensitivity is a strength, not a weakness. It allows you to connect with others on a deep level and perceive things that others might miss.

Being sensitive does not make you irrational or unreasonable. It just means you experience emotions in a more intense way. Don’t let anyone use it against you or make you feel less than because of it.

6) “I was just joking”

“I was just joking” – a phrase that’s been thrown at me more often than I’d like to admit. It’s usually dropped right after a hurtful comment or a jab at my insecurities.

It’s a tricky one, isn’t it? It masks the insult with humor, making it seem like you’re overreacting if you take offense. And if you dare to speak up about feeling hurt, you’re accused of not being able to take a joke.

This was something I battled with for a long time. I used to laugh it off, pretending it didn’t sting. But in truth, it left me feeling small and belittled.

The turning point came when I realised that humor shouldn’t come at the expense of someone’s feelings. Jokes should bring joy, not discomfort or pain.

So here’s to all of us who’ve been on the receiving end of this phrase: let’s remember that it’s okay to speak up when a ‘joke’ crosses the line. We have a right to feel respected and heard, even when humor is the disguise.

7) “Trust me…”

We’re all familiar with the feeling of doubt when making tough decisions. That’s when manipulative individuals swoop in, exploiting our uncertainty.

Enter the phrase “Trust me”.

While it might seem harmless, it’s a classic manipulation tactic. It is often used to bypass your rational thought process, pushing you to rely on their judgment instead of your own.

Think about it – why should you trust someone just because they ask you to? Trust is something that has to be earned over time, not just handed out freely because someone demands it.

This phrase is a red flag that someone might be trying to gain an unfair advantage over you. So, if someone tells you to “Trust me,” without giving you solid reasons why or proof of their credibility, don’t be afraid to question their motives. 

8) “I hate drama”

Ironically, the people who often claim “I hate drama” are usually the ones who create it.

This phrase is a manipulative tactic used to present themselves as victims or peace-lovers, while simultaneously stirring up trouble.

It’s a way to deflect blame and make you feel guilty for any conflict or disagreement.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. If someone consistently causes drama while claiming to hate it, don’t be fooled by their words.

Trust their actions instead.

9) “You owe me”

This is perhaps one of the most powerful phrases in a manipulator’s toolkit. “You owe me” is a phrase that can instill a deep sense of obligation, making you feel like you’re indebted to them.

But here’s what you need to remember: genuine acts of kindness, support, or help don’t come with an invoice. True friendships and relationships are not based on a ledger of debts and repayments.

If someone is consistently reminding you of what you ‘owe’ them, it’s a clear sign they’re using your gratitude as leverage. It’s an attempt to control and manipulate your actions.

Stand firm in the knowledge that kindness isn’t a currency to be repaid under duress. You don’t owe anyone your peace of mind, your comfort, or your boundaries.

The final thought

If these phrases sound all too familiar, it’s likely you’ve been in the company of manipulative people. But remember, recognizing these phrases for what they are is already a huge step forward.

The real power lies not in the hands of those who try to manipulate, but in your response to them. With awareness and understanding, you can learn to navigate these situations with greater confidence and assertiveness.

Begin by paying attention to these phrases when they’re used. Notice how they make you feel. Do they leave you questioning your judgment or doubting your feelings?

Every time you identify such a phrase, remind yourself of its true purpose – to manipulate and control.

Ask yourself, am I okay with this? Does this align with my values? Is my voice being heard and respected?

Relationships should be about mutual respect, understanding, and care. They shouldn’t leave you feeling small or powerless.

And remember this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” You have the power to decide how others treat you.