We all want to find a healthy and loving relationship, right? And for many women, that means finding a guy who matches her high-value energy and checks all the right boxes.

The problem is: it’s not always easy to spot boyfriend material right away. It’s frustrating to invest months into a relationship only to discover he’s not the partner you hoped for.

If you’re tired of wasting time on the wrong guys and are ready to meet someone who truly matches your vibe, this one’s for you.

Today, we’re diving into 6 phrases that low-value guys typically use. Recognizing these early warning signs can help you quickly determine if a guy isn’t right for you, allowing you to move on sooner. Plus, these insights are all expert-backed, so you know you’re getting solid advice. 

Let’s dive in.

1) “It’s not my fault” 

One of the biggest red flags you’re dealing with a low-value guy is when you hear them say, “It’s not my fault.” It instantly shows you they don’t like to admit when they’ve messed up.

Not being able to take responsibility for messing up is one thing but there’s an even bigger reason why this is one that low-value men love to use and it’s to do with what psychologists call ‘an external locus of control’.

Psychology writer and mental health coach Amanda O’Bryan Ph.D explains that “If we place the locus of control externally, we are likely to blame the outcome on fate, luck, or happenstance”. Basically, these people think that life happens to them, not because of them. 

And here’s the kicker: research finds having an internal locus of control improves business performance, and life satisfaction and helps to maintain entrepreneurial activities. That means that a man with an external locus of control is less likely to be successful and happy in life. 

So, if “it’s not my fault” comes up too often, it might be a warning that you’re dealing with someone who believes they can’t control their destiny and don’t see the point of striving for better. Keep an ear out for this phrase; it’s one low-value men love to use.

2) “I’m not good at the emotional stuff”

Have you ever heard a guy say, “I’m not good at the emotional stuff”? If so, it’s a clear sign that he lacks emotional maturity and is far from reaching what you might consider high-value man status. 

High-value men are mature in every way, including emotionally. These men have learned how to regulate their emotions and understand that being in touch with their emotions and communicating about them is crucial for a healthy relationship.

When a guy is making excuses and avoiding the emotional topics, it’s a telltale sign they’re anything but high value. And that has some big knock-on effects. 

Clinical psychologist Kirstin Davin PsyD notes, “Being emotionally immature puts a lot of stress and strain on the relationship, leaving the other partner drained and emotionally depleted.” This highlights how tiring it is to handle the emotional work in a relationship alone.

Low-value men lack the emotional maturity required to openly talk about their feelings, that’s why “I’m not good at the emotional stuff” is a go-to phrase they love to use. 

3) “Whatever, let’s just forget about it”

Another phrase you’re likely to hear from a low-value man is “Whatever, let’s just forget about it.” This clearly indicates that he has poor conflict-resolution skills.

Instead of acknowledging an issue and working through it together, he prefers to dismiss it and avoid the problem entirely. This avoidance approach can really damage the relationship.

Clinical psychologist Randi Gunther Ph.D highlights that if big issues “remain unresolved, they can create potentially irreparable damage over time.” There’s no doubt that avoiding conflict is one of the patterns that can seriously harm a relationship leading to resentment over time. 

 So, when you hear someone say, “Whatever, let’s just forget about it,” it’s often a warning sign you’re dealing with a low-value man who isn’t equipped to handle the challenges of a committed relationship. 

4) “I just don’t get why you’re so upset, it’s no big deal”

You know when you’re really upset or hurt by something, and instead of showing support and understanding, your man just can’t seem to see things from your perspective at all? Yes, well, that’s what experts call a lack of empathy.

It’s like he can’t put himself in your shoes for even a moment to understand your perspective, and he’s not willing to try. A clear indicator of this is the phrase, “I just don’t get why you’re so upset, it’s no big deal.” 

When you hear this, it’s a strong clue that you might be dealing with a low-value man.

Research consistently shows that women are more empathetic than men, with a recent study from Cambridge involving over half a million people confirming this. And this really matters because experts warn that a lack of empathy in your partner can lead to relationship troubles. 

Kendra Cherry, Ph.D, psychology educator and author, notes, “People who lack empathy are more likely to have problems in their relationships with other people. It can lead to arguments when other people feel that their feelings and needs are not understood.”

So, if you hear this phrase a lot, remember, it’s one low-value men tend to use, and tells you a lot about their level of empathy. But it’s not all doom and gloom because it’s possible to develop empathy with a little time, focus, and effort. The question is: is he willing to work on it? 

5) “That’s just the way I am”

I remember dating this guy, and during one of our first little arguments, he said, “That’s just the way I am.” At the time, I brushed it off as just a defensive reaction. But looking back, it was a major red flag that he didn’t have the qualities I valued.

I soon realized he truly meant what he said: he was not open to the idea of self-improvement or growth. Psychology experts refer to this as having a fixed mindset, a term coined by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck. 

She identified two mindsets: a fixed mindset, like my ex’s, where people believe their abilities are static, and a growth mindset, where individuals think they can develop through effort and learning. Her research even proved that people could develop a growth mindset. 

When I think of a high-value man, it’s less about wealth and status and more about their attitude and openness to self-development. Over the years, I’ve come to see that “That’s just the way I am” is a phrase that low-value men often use. 

They’re not open to working on themselves to become better. As someone who strongly believes in continuous improvement, that approach just doesn’t work for me so no, things didn’t work out with that guy. 

6) “If you really loved me, you would…”

If you ever hear a guy say, “If you really loved me, you would…” it might be time to take a step back and think about what’s really going on. This phrase might seem harmless, but it’s pretty toxic and indicates he might be trying to manipulate you.

Sometimes people tend to downplay harsh words from their partner but research shows that emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse because it can knock down your self-esteem and lead to depression. It’s no joke and shouldn’t be ignored or minimized.

You might think this won’t happen to you but believe it or not, nearly half of all men and women have been through this kind of psychological aggression, so it’s more common than you might expect. That’s why it’s super important to be aware of the signs. 

One of the biggest red flags is when someone tries to guilt you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with by saying, “If you really loved me, you would…” This is a favorite tactic of low-value manipulators. If you hear this, it’s a sign to question how healthy your relationship is.

The bottom line

Labeling someone a “low-value man” might sound harsh, but it’s not about being mean, it’s about knowing what you do and don’t want in a relationship and making choices that align to that.

It’s perfectly okay to have clear expectations about the kind of partner you want in your life, as long as you remain respectful and considerate towards the people you meet who might not meet those expectations.

Ultimately, being aware of these phrases helps you make informed decisions and aim for healthier, more fulfilling relationships. It’s about self-respect and ensuring you’re not settling for less than what you deserve.