Manipulation and influence are two different ball games.

The key difference? Choice.

When someone manipulates you, they’re trying to steer you towards their desired outcome, all while masking their true motives.

On the flip side, genuine influence encourages you to make your own decision, albeit with a gentle nudge towards what they believe is the best course of action.

Unfortunately, manipulators are crafty.

They’re experts at using certain phrases that seem innocent enough but are designed to win you over and achieve their goals.

In this article, we’re going to delve into 9 phrases a manipulator will use to win you over and get their way.

Stay tuned, knowledge is power – and it’s time to arm ourselves.

1) “Trust me…”

In the realm of manipulation, gaining trust is a vital step.

Manipulators are well aware of this.

The phrase “Trust me” is a classic tool in their arsenal.

It’s simple, direct, and sounds innocent enough.

Yet, it’s designed to fast-track a bond of trust that might not have been earned yet.

This phrase is also a textbook example of emotional manipulation.

It aims to make you feel guilty or doubt your own judgement if you express skepticism or reluctance.

Consider this – when someone consistently tells you to trust them, should you?

Genuine trust is built over time, through actions and consistent behavior, not just words.

2) “You’re overthinking this”

This is a phrase I’ve personally encountered and I can tell you, it can be a very effective manipulation tool.

Let’s say you’re discussing something important – a big decision that needs to be made, perhaps.

You’re weighing your options, considering different viewpoints and really putting thought into it.

Then, out of the blue, someone says, “You’re overthinking this.”

At first glance, it seems like they’re just trying to help you simplify things. But there’s more to it.

The phrase “You’re overthinking this” is a manipulator’s way of invalidating your thoughts and concerns.

It’s designed to make you feel that your careful consideration is unnecessary or even problematic.

I remember being in a situation where I was hesitant about signing onto a project because I had some reservations.

The person trying to enlist me kept dismissing my concerns with, “You’re overthinking this.”

It took me a while to realize that they were trying to steamroll me into an agreement without addressing my concerns.

3) “I know you’re busy, but…”

This is a classic phrase used by manipulators. “I know you’re busy, but…” is designed to acknowledge your time and effort before asking for more of it.

By acknowledging your busy schedule, the manipulator appears considerate and understanding.

But in reality, they’re just setting the stage to ask for a favor or push their agenda.

The trick here is that by acknowledging your situation first, they make it a little harder for you to say no.

After all, they’ve shown they understand your position, right?

It’s okay to say no even if someone seems understanding of your situation.

Don’t let this phrase manipulate you into taking on more than you can handle.

4) “Just think about it”

On the surface, this phrase seems harmless, a simple suggestion to reflect on an idea or proposal.

However, in the hands of a manipulator, it becomes a powerful tool for planting seeds of doubt or swaying opinion.

“Just think about it” is often used by manipulators to introduce an idea that might go against your initial instincts or beliefs.

It’s a subtle way to make you reconsider your stance without directly challenging you.

The danger lies in the implied doubt.

The phrase suggests that if you were just to think about it more, you would naturally come to agree with the manipulator’s viewpoint.

5) “I understand your point but…”

This phrase is a classic in the manipulator’s playbook. It begins by acknowledging your perspective, making you feel heard and validated.

But then comes the twist.

“I understand your point but…” is often followed by a counter-argument or dismissal of your viewpoint.

The initial validation makes this dismissal seem less confrontational, making you more likely to accept it without protest.

Manipulators use this tactic to steer the conversation in their favor.

It’s a subtle way to invalidate your thoughts and feelings while maintaining the facade of understanding and respect.

Next time you hear this phrase, pay attention to what follows the “but”. Recognize this tactic for what it is and hold firm to your own perspective.

6) “I’m only telling you this for your own good”

This phrase can hit right in the heart.

When someone you trust and care about says they’re doing something for your own good, you want to believe them.

Manipulators know this all too well.

That’s why they use “I’m only telling you this for your own good” as a way to deliver criticism or assert control, all under the guise of concern.

This phrase plays on our emotions and our relationships.

It makes us question whether we’re being ungrateful or unreasonable for not accepting what they’re saying or doing without argument.

No one else gets to define what is “for your own good”.

You are the best judge of that. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t, regardless of how it’s packaged.

7) “You’re just too sensitive”

This phrase, I’ve come across more times than I’d like to admit.

It’s a classic manipulation tactic, designed to make you question your own feelings and reactions.

When someone tells you “You’re just too sensitive”, they’re effectively dismissing your emotions.

They’re making it about your reaction, rather than their actions.

It’s a way to deflect responsibility and avoid addressing the issue at hand.

I recall a time when a colleague would consistently make belittling remarks about my work.

When I finally confronted them, their response was simply, “You’re just too sensitive”.

Then I understood that this was their way of avoiding responsibility for what they did.

8) “I thought you’d be the perfect person for this…”

This phrase is another form of flattery that manipulators use to get their way.

“I thought you’d be the perfect person for this…” is designed to make you feel chosen and special.

I’ve been on the receiving end of this phrase before.

A friend once asked me to plan a big event because, as she put it, I was “the perfect person” for the job.

I felt flattered and took on the task.

In the end, it turned out to be a huge time commitment that I wasn’t prepared for, and I felt overwhelmed.

I later realized she had used that phrase to persuade me to take on a task she didn’t want to do herself.

Be aware of this tactic.

It’s okay to feel flattered, but don’t let it blind you to the potential commitment or work involved.

9) “If you really cared about me, you would…”

This is perhaps one of the most dangerous phrases a manipulator can use.

It’s meant to make you reconsider your emotions and commitments toward them.

“If you really cared about me, you would…” is a manipulation tactic that’s often used to force compliance by playing on your emotions.

It’s a way for manipulators to demand something from you by questioning your care or love for them.

Genuine care and love should never be used as bargaining chips.

If someone tries to manipulate your feelings in this way, it’s a glaring red flag.

Stand your ground and remember that you have the right to set boundaries, regardless of how much you care for someone.

Food for thought

In the heart of our interpersonal interactions lies the delicate dance between influence and manipulation.

Understanding this difference is not just a matter of semantics but a vital step in recognizing and protecting ourselves from potential manipulative tactics.

Through phrases like “Trust me”, “I know you’re busy, but…”, or “I thought you’d be the perfect person for this…”, manipulators subtly weave their web, often cloaked in false sincerity or flattery.

Navigating these tricky waters can be challenging, but awareness is the first step.

Being mindful of these phrases and their manipulative potential can empower us to make informed decisions.

As George Bernard Shaw once said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

So let’s break that illusion, let’s understand the unsaid, and let’s strive for authentic and respectful communication.