Here’s a fun fact: your EQ (emotional intelligence) is detrimental to your success in life. Your IQ, on the other hand, isn’t as important as people usually make out.

Don’t get me wrong, those who have won the IQ lottery definitely have it easier in many ways. But research shows it is primarily your EQ that determines your success at work, personal relationships, and overall happiness.

Unfortunately, some people didn’t get the memo. 

Although EQ is a set of skills that can be learned and improved upon, they’re not willing to put in the effort, which means that they end up displaying quite immature behaviors that leave a bad impression on others.

Care to know which ones?

Let’s find out.

1) They only ever talk about themselves

Look, we all love to ramble on about our own interests and feelings.

Humans are inherently quite self-centered because we can only view the world through a very subjective lens tinted by our egos, which means that the moment we get a chance to talk about ourselves and have our experiences validated by others, we seize it.

But there’s a limit to everything.

And people who are emotionally mature understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them. Curious about other people’s opinions and feelings, they ask questions, listen actively, and seek to build a genuine connection rooted in authenticity.

Someone who could use a bit of work in the EQ department, though…

That’s a different story.

Excited to talk about themselves, they often don’t realize that they’ve just been leading a monologue about their favorite TV show for twenty minutes while the other person just sits there and nods, bored as hell.

Thus the first behavior people with very little emotional intelligence display around others – they talk too much and listen too little.

2) They have poor listening skills

Speak of the devil, right?

Do you know that disappointing feeling you get when you share an exciting piece of news with someone and receive an underwhelming reaction?

Or when you express a really strong emotion and they don’t match your vibe?

It’s one of the worst feelings there is, isn’t it? All of a sudden, you just want to crawl into a hole and hide in it, all your excitement and enthusiasm gone.

This is exactly what happens when talking with an emotionally immature person who doesn’t know how to listen properly to what you have to say.

They may be stuck in their head, daydreaming away or waiting for their turn in the conversation; they might give you no acknowledgment of what you’ve just said whatsoever and change the topic; they may dismiss your feelings or automatically go into problem-solving mode.

Whatever it is, it’s safe to say they’re not in the present moment with you.

3) They get upset when things don’t go their way

Compromise is at the very core of cooperation.

And yet some people just can’t seem to get on board.

I once had a friend who couldn’t stomach the idea of doing things any different way than she would have liked.

If she wanted to order in Chinese and I wanted Italian, we had to get Chinese.

If she was in the mood for a couple of beers at the pub while I wanted to go dancing, pub it was.

If an argument broke out between us, it usually ended up with me apologizing.

She was so stubborn that she simply refused to take other people’s feelings into account. Of course, this kind of attitude doesn’t fair well in long-term relationships or friendships – which is partly why we’re not really friends anymore.

Someone who detests compromise is also someone who lacks the necessary empathy to understand that not everything is about them and that people have different needs and wishes.

And the fact that they flip out or cause a scene when they’re met with resistance shows that they still have some emotional growth to do.

4) They’re not open to criticism

Speaking of stubbornness, another behavior commonly shared by people with low EQ is that they aren’t all that open to negative feedback.

This is because they’re so trapped within their ego that they incorporate all their opinions and feelings into a stable sense of identity. 

The moment you criticize one of their beliefs, political views, or character flaws, they automatically view it as an attack on their whole personality and assume a defensive stance.

As you can probably see, this makes it incredibly difficult to have a calm and reasonable discussion with them because you can’t authentically express how you feel without them taking it personally.

Look, criticism is never nice. But it’s also a fundamental part of growth.

People who close themselves off to it display an unwillingness to evolve into the highest versions of themselves.

5) They always need to be right

An unfortunate side effect of stubbornness and narrow-mindedness is that people with those traits basically never admit to being in the wrong.

Even if they very much are.

This translates into an inability to take accountability for one’s actions, apologize properly, show humility, and grow as a person.

… all of which are very important and emotionally mature traits we should aspire to possess.

6) They often act based on inaccurate assumptions

We all have assumptions. And to a large degree, there’s nothing we can do about that.

The moment you see someone, your brain places them in a certain category, and it is only when you get to know them on a deeper level that you begin to understand them as the complex human they are.

But the difference between people with high EQ and people who have very little emotional intelligence is that the first are aware of how inaccurate their assumptions may be.

In other words, they don’t view them as the raw and unadulterated truth. They’re more than happy to be proven wrong because they know that their assumptions aren’t really reflective of reality in the first place.

People who don’t have the same level of self-awareness, however, look at an assumption that’s just popped up in their mind and automatically consider it to be true.

And then they behave in accordance with it.

I’m sure you can see the problem here.

7) They struggle to communicate their needs and boundaries

Communication.

Everyone stresses how important it is, yet far too many people still struggle to communicate, especially when it comes to what they want and need from others.

Here’s how you can recognize who’s highly emotionally intelligent and who still has some work cut out for them: ask them what they want or need. Ask about their boundaries regarding a certain topic.

Put them in a position where they should express their authentic desires and see what happens.

Oftentimes, people who have very little emotional intelligence will shut down, change the topic, act passive-aggressively, or turn your questions into jokes.

Afraid of displaying any sort of vulnerability or unable to express themselves in an assertive manner, they’ll show very clear discomfort.

And while some people can deal with that discomfort quite effectively and learn how to communicate, others will give in and avoid direct communication as much as possible.

So, here’s our final lesson: people who still need to work on their EQ skills don’t feel secure enough in themselves to be open, direct, vulnerable, and honest about what they want and need.

The good news?

There’s always room for improvement. You’ve just got to try.