The other night at a dinner party, we were discussing what makes someone successful.

Not only couldn’t we fully agree, but we even had a hard time defining what success really meant or looked like too.

What we did accept was that it probably came down to a combination of luck and hard work.

Some people get breaks that others don’t have. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that your level of success can be down to you.

Curious to understand more, I decided to do some digging into the psychology of people who are more successful in life.

What I discovered is that they often share some unique traits that help them along the way.

1) They’re conscientious

If you want to be successful, above all else, strive to be conscientious.

I’ve already mentioned that my friends and I found the very notion of success pretty nuanced and challenging to narrowly define.

That’s because it doesn’t just come down to status and accomplishment, it’s also a self-defined quality based on how fulfilled you feel.

But whichever way you look at it, research has noted how conscientious people excel in both so-called objective and subjective success.

Meaning, it increases your chances of earning more and being wealthier but it also increases life satisfaction and positive emotions as well.

Not only that, but other studies have noted how this quality is the most reliable predictor of good grades academically, physical health, longevity, job performance, and even marital stability.

Conscientiousness translates into effort. So it makes sense that it has such a wide-ranging effect on people’s quality of life.

As Psychology Today explains, it’s a personality trait that “reflects the tendency to be responsible, organized, hard-working, goal-directed, and to adhere to norms and rules.”

To put it simply, people who apply themselves diligently and keep their heads down are more successful.

2) They’re smart, but not too smart for their own good

Plenty of psychology points to intelligence being a factor in success.

As well as performing better at school, clever people have been found to have higher incomes.

But here’s the catch:

It isn’t necessarily going to make you happier. It could do quite the opposite.

There is evidence that suggests that higher intelligence often comes with some unwanted mental health side effects.

Superior IQs and enhanced creativity may be one side of the coin. But on the other could be more obsessive thinking, anxiety, and depression.

Hemingway once remarked:

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know”. 

Perhaps the sweet spot is a slightly bigger brain power to give you the edge, but not the sort of genius that becomes entwined with a greater risk of emotional difficulties.

3) They can cut themselves some slack

I mean this in a couple of senses.

Firstly, they have self-compassion and self-belief.

That underlying confidence is key when it comes to finding resilience and pushing past inevitable rejection and obstacles that arise.

They don’t agonize over any perceived shortcomings.

Instead, they do something known by psychologists as “failing forward”. Aka, they use their errors as a way of learning for the future.

But when I say that they cut themselves some slack, I also mean they know how to rest.

Hustle culture is often touted as one of the keys to “making it” in life. But yet again, that’s a very narrow assessment, and one that was never going to suit everyone.

Because without rest, research has shown that both productivity and creativity suffer. Not only that, but stress levels go up.

Constantly going full steam ahead may seem like a shortcut, but it’s not.

Being able to find ways to mentally disconnect and take time out will ultimately increase your game as well as your well-being.

4) They’re self-aware and use that to handle their emotions

 There are plenty of so-called successful people who seemingly fly off the handle and are prone to tantrums.

Sadly, it can be those who are willing to tread on others on their way to the top who do get ahead. And there’s research to back that up.

But here’s the counter side to it.

Research has found that emotional stability is also linked to better income and career satisfaction.

Your emotional intelligence helps you navigate lots of challenges in life with more grace and grit.

It not only increases your own well-being, but it improves your relationships with others too. Both of which are important factors when it comes to success.

Being able to regulate your emotions ensures that when success comes along, you are able to actually enjoy it.

5) They take 100% responsibility for themselves

 Do you feel like you are in charge of your own destiny?

Or do you feel like you’re at the mercy of life and things that are completely out of your control?

Whichever it is will likely impact your level of success.

Psychologists argue that a so-called internal locus of control is far more motivating.

It’s essentially taking full responsibility for your life — for good and for bad.

That means you believe the positive results you see are down to your efforts, but you also know that the mistakes you make are on you and no one else.

Expert in the field of financial psychology, Brad Klontz, explains why this attitude is so useful.

“An internal locus of control keeps you from falling prey to the belief that you are just a hapless victim and nothing is your fault. When it comes to success, it really pays to take responsibility for your results. This can be a bitter pill to swallow but it is fabulous medicine. The great news is that this way of thinking puts you in control. People just like you, with similar backgrounds, obstacles, education level, and challenges are creating fabulous things in the world. And you can, too.”

Success needs to be something you define before you chase

It’s been a constant theme throughout this article because ultimately there is no getting away from it.

Success will mean different things to different people.

Many people chase external measures of it because they confuse it with materialism and assume that will automatically bring happiness.

When the real truth is — sometimes it does, but not always.

That’s why if we want to be more successful in life, a fundamental question we must ask alongside it is:

What will bring greater fulfillment and meaning to me?

Yes, to some people that may be a bigger house or a new car.

But to many more, it’s going to be better quality relationships and a job that you enjoy getting out of bed in the mornings to do.

To avoid the success trap we have to talk about it in terms of happiness and health, as well as wealth.