Navigating relationships can be tricky, especially when self-esteem comes into play.

Low self-esteem can sometimes lead to certain behaviors in a relationship. It’s not always easy to spot, but it’s there, subtly influencing actions and reactions.

Understanding these behaviors is key, not only for those experiencing low self-esteem but also for their partners. Here’s the thing, these behaviors are not always negative – but they do shape the dynamics of a relationship.

In this article, we’re going to delve into the 8 common behaviors usually displayed by people with low self-esteem in relationships – often without them even realizing it.

1) Over-apologizing

One of the most common behaviors displayed by people with low self-esteem in a relationship is over-apologizing.

This is more than just saying sorry when you’ve done something wrong. It’s about apologizing for things that aren’t your fault, or even for simply existing. It’s a way of seeking reassurance, or trying to prevent any possible conflict.

Over-apologizing can stem from a fear of rejection or a deep-seated belief that one is always in the wrong. The person often feels the need to apologize for everything, even when they are not at fault.

It’s important to understand this behavior and where it’s coming from. Recognizing it can be the first step towards building healthier communication habits in a relationship.

2) Constant self-deprecation

I’ve seen this a lot, both in myself and others. Self-deprecation is a common coping mechanism for people with low self-esteem in relationships.

I remember a time when I would always put myself down before anyone else had the chance to. It was like a defensive strategy. If I said it first, it wouldn’t hurt so much if someone else did.

I’d make jokes about my lack of cooking skills, my clumsiness, or my forgetfulness. But over time, I realized that this constant self-deprecation was doing more harm than good.

It wasn’t just harmless humor; it was reinforcing my own negative self-image.

3) Difficulty in accepting compliments

People with low self-esteem often have a hard time accepting compliments. They might brush them off, ignore them, or even respond with a self-deprecating comment.

This is more than just modesty – it’s rooted in a deep-seated belief that they are not worthy of praise. They may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed when complimented, as it contradicts their own negative self-perception.

Interestingly, a study found that people with low self-esteem feel more comfortable receiving criticism than praise, further highlighting this behavior.

In a relationship, understanding and acknowledging this can lead to more effective communication and help build up the self-esteem of the person struggling with these feelings.

4) Constant need for reassurance

People with low self-esteem often seek constant reassurance in their relationships. They might frequently ask if they’re loved, if they’re doing okay or if their partner is happy with them.

This constant need for reassurance comes from a place of insecurity and fear – fear of not being good enough, fear of making mistakes, fear of being abandoned. It’s an attempt to alleviate these fears and seek validation.

In a relationship, this can be quite draining for both parties.

5) Avoidance of conflict

People with low self-esteem often avoid conflict like the plague in relationships. They might choose to suppress their feelings or needs, simply to maintain peace and avoid any potential confrontation.

This avoidance often stems from a fear of rejection or a belief that their feelings or needs are not as important. They might fear that expressing these can lead to negative consequences, like a fight or even a breakup.

However, avoiding conflict doesn’t make the underlying issues disappear – it merely pushes them under the rug.

In a relationship, it’s crucial to create an open environment where both parties can express their feelings and needs without fear of reprisal or rejection.

6) Struggle to set boundaries

Setting boundaries is an integral part of any relationship. It’s about acknowledging and respecting personal space, time, and emotional needs. But for those with low self-esteem, setting boundaries can feel like an uphill battle.

They may fear that setting boundaries will upset their partner or make them seem selfish. They might worry about appearing too demanding or that their needs aren’t important enough to assert.

But here’s the heartfelt truth – your needs are important. Your feelings are valid. And setting boundaries does not make you selfish; it makes you self-aware. 

And remember, a relationship that respects boundaries is one that fosters mutual understanding, respect and ultimately, love.

7) Giving more than receiving

There’s a certain beauty in giving – in seeing the joy and appreciation on a loved one’s face. But there’s also a delicate balance in any relationship between giving and receiving.

I remember a time when I was so caught up in making my partner happy that I forgot about my own happiness. I would go out of my way to do things for them, often at the expense of my own needs and desires. I felt that by constantly giving, I was proving my worth in the relationship.

What I didn’t realize then was that this constant giving was a sign of my low self-esteem – a way of compensating for what I felt I lacked.

In relationships, it’s crucial to maintain a balance between giving and receiving. It’s not about keeping score, but recognizing that your needs and happiness are just as important. 

8) Seeking validation from others

The most crucial behavior to recognize is the constant seeking of validation from others. People with low self-esteem often rely on their partners, or even friends and family, to validate their worth.

They might seek approval for their actions, decisions, or even their existence. This constant need for validation from external sources can be draining and can create an unhealthy dependency in relationships.

Remember, your worth is not determined by others’ opinions or approval. It is inherent and unchangeable.

The journey towards healthy self-esteem begins with recognizing this fact, and learning to validate oneself.