Being raised by overly controlling parents can leave lasting imprints.

It’s like a hidden tattoo, invisible to the naked eye, but a part of us, nevertheless.

These parental control patterns can shape our behavior in adulthood, often in ways we don’t recognize.

But if you know what to look for, the signs are there.

In this article, we’ll shine a light on 9 common behaviors adults who were raised by overly controlling parents often display.

Let’s get straight into it with the most prominent behavior:

1) Struggle with decision-making

Here’s a thing about growing up with overly controlling parents – it can really mess with your decision-making skills as an adult.

You see, when parents micromanage every aspect of their child’s life, it can leave them feeling somewhat paralyzed when faced with choices in adulthood.

Essentially, they’re so used to having decisions made for them, that they can feel lost when left to their own devices.

But this doesn’t just apply to picking a restaurant for dinner or deciding on a movie to watch.

It can manifest in bigger life decisions like career choices, relationships, and even where to live.

2) Crave approval

I was brought up by parents who wanted nothing but the best for me.

However, that sometimes translated into high expectations and a constant need for their approval.

Growing up, it wasn’t enough to just pass a test; I had to be at the top of the class.

It wasn’t enough to be a part of the school play; I had to have the lead role.

It felt like every move I made was under scrutiny.

Fast forward to adulthood, and this craving for approval hasn’t quite left me.

Whether it’s at work or in personal relationships, I often find myself seeking validation from others.

It’s something I’m working on changing every day, as well as the following:

3) Perfectionist tendencies

The desire to achieve perfection can sometimes be traced back to a childhood governed by overly controlling parents.

Kids raised in such environments often feel immense pressure to meet high standards, fearing disapproval or criticism if they fall short.

This pressure can carry over into adulthood, manifesting as perfectionism.

These individuals strive for flawlessness in everything they do, setting excessively high-performance standards for themselves.

I had a friend like this – she would regularly score top marks but the one time she got a B+ on her least favorite subject, she beat herself up over it. 

I didn’t understand it at the time, but looking back on her upbringing, I can see why she was so hard on herself. 

4) Difficulty expressing emotions

In an overly controlled environment, children often don’t have the freedom to openly express their feelings.

They might have been told to stop crying, or that they were overreacting, or perhaps their emotional expressions were ignored altogether.

As these children grow into adults, they may struggle to identify and express their emotions effectively.

They might bottle up their feelings, fearing the vulnerability that comes with emotional expression.

So, if you notice an adult who seems to have a hard time expressing their emotions, it could be a sign of an overly controlled upbringing (although this can also be due to many other factors, so best to keep an open mind). 

5) High anxiety levels

Living under constant control and scrutiny can be stressful, to say the least.

This stress, experienced throughout formative years, can often translate into higher anxiety levels in adulthood.

The truth is, children raised in this environment may constantly feel like they’re walking on eggshells, trying their best not to upset the status quo.

As adults, they might hold back from speaking up at work or calling out bad behavior from friends or partners. 

They’re not sure how to express themselves and be heard emotionally and healthily, so they tend to avoid rocking the boat or causing conflict. 

6) Difficulty forming close relationships

Imagine growing up in a world where love and approval are conditional, based on your performance or adherence to strict rules.

It can make the world feel like a very uncertain place, can’t it?

Well, children raised by overly controlling parents often find it hard to form close, trusting relationships as adults.

They may have learned that love can be withdrawn at any moment if they don’t meet certain expectations.

This can make them guarded and wary of letting people get too close for fear of rejection or disappointment.

It’s a protective mechanism, but it can also be a lonely way to live.

7) Overly self-critical

Growing up, I often felt like I was under a microscope.

Every mistake, no matter how small, was magnified and criticized.

It was as if I was expected to be flawless, an expectation that was simply impossible to meet.

This constant criticism led me to develop a habit of being overly self-critical.

Even today, I find myself harshly judging my actions and decisions.

I’m always battling the voice in my head that tells me I could have done better, should have done more.

8) Fear of confrontation

Earlier, I mentioned that children raised by overly controlling parents often avoid conflict. 

Well, the same applies to confrontation.

People like this were often discouraged or even punished for standing up for themselves. 

And this can lead to a deep-seated fear of confrontation that persists into adulthood.

These individuals may avoid conflict at all costs, often at the expense of their own needs and boundaries.

They might also struggle to communicate their feelings or opinions if they believe it could lead to disagreement or disapproval.

9) Low self-esteem

Perhaps the most significant impact of an overly controlled upbringing is on an individual’s self-esteem.

Constant control and criticism can leave a child feeling like they’re never good enough, a belief that can carry into adulthood.

And as we’ve learned in this article, low self-esteem can affect every aspect of an individual’s life, from their relationships to their career.

It’s a heavy burden to carry and can be incredibly difficult to overcome.

So if you or someone you know was raised by controlling parents, be kind, be compassionate. 

After all, the complexities of human behavior are often intertwined with our upbringing.

The family environment we grow up in, particularly the parenting styles we are subjected to, can leave a lasting impact on our adult lives.

However, it’s important to remember that recognizing these behaviors in ourselves or others is not about assigning blame.

It’s about understanding.

Parents, even overly controlling ones, often act out of love and concern, albeit sometimes misguided.

They are humans too, shaped by their own experiences and struggles.

Understanding these behaviors can help us make sense of our actions, emotions, and relationships.

And ultimately, it can guide us in breaking unhealthy patterns and fostering self-growth.