As we grow up, our parents play a significant role in shaping our outlook on life. Their attitudes, behaviors, and responses serve as our blueprint for navigating the world. But what happens when those parental figures lack sensitivity?

It’s not always a gloomy picture. In fact, some individuals raised by insensitive parents develop remarkable resilience and inner strength. Yet, there are certain behaviors that often surface in those who grew up in such environments.

In this article, we’ll delve into seven common behaviors typically displayed by individuals who were raised by insensitive parents.  

Ready? Let’s dive in. 

1) Difficulty in forming deep connections

Individuals raised by insensitive parents often struggle to form deep, meaningful relationships.

Growing up without emotional attunement, they develop a protective shell, a survival mechanism in an environment where their emotional needs weren’t prioritized.

Yet, this shield often persists into adulthood, hindering deep connections due to fear of vulnerability. They struggle to open up, fearing their emotions won’t be understood, echoing their upbringing.

However, this behavior isn’t permanent. With self-awareness and professional support, they can learn healthier ways of connecting, recognizing this pattern as the first step towards change.

2) Exceptional empathy

Contrary to expectations, those raised by insensitive parents often demonstrate heightened empathy, a surprising yet common trait.

Growing up amidst emotional neglect—they develop acute sensitivity to others’ feelings, adept at reading subtle cues to navigate their upbringing.

In adulthood, this sensitivity evolves into remarkable empathy. They effortlessly empathize, grasp emotions, and respond with compassion.

However, it’s crucial for them to balance this empathy with self-care. Overextending empathy can lead to emotional fatigue and burnout.

3) Tendency towards codependency

Another common behavior among those raised by insensitive parents is a propensity for codependent relationships.

Growing up without emotional fulfillment may lead to an unconscious effort to seek it in adult relationships.

This often manifests as codependency—where one excessively relies on their partner for emotional validation and support.

In my work with clients, I’ve noticed this is a common struggle.

It’s also a topic I delve into deeply in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It discusses how to recognize and break free from the cycle of codependency.

But remember, while this pattern may be common, it’s not inevitable. Recognizing the tendency towards codependency is the first step towards establishing healthier relationship dynamics.

4) Struggle with self-esteem

A common behavior I’ve seen in individuals raised by insensitive parents is a struggle with self-esteem.

When your emotional needs are often overlooked or dismissed during your formative years, it can become deeply ingrained that your feelings and thoughts don’t matter. This can significantly impact your self-worth and confidence, leading to a continuous struggle with self-esteem in adulthood.

As the great Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” It’s a quote that resonates deeply with me and something I often share with my clients.

It’s essential to remember that our self-esteem isn’t defined by our past or by how others perceive us, but by how we perceive ourselves. Recognizing this can be a powerful step towards reclaiming our self-worth.

5) Fear of conflict

Many individuals who were raised by insensitive parents often develop a fear of conflict. This can stem from their early experiences where expressing their thoughts and feelings led to dismissive or negative reactions.

I’ve seen this pattern personally in my work. These individuals often become ‘people pleasers’, constantly trying to keep the peace and avoid any form of conflict. 

However, it’s important to remember that conflict isn’t inherently negative. It can lead to growth, understanding, and stronger relationships when handled with respect and open communication.  

6) Perfectionism

Perfectionism is another prevalent behavior among individuals raised by insensitive parents. 

This relentless pursuit of flawlessness in every aspect of life often originates from a deep-seated need for validation and approval that was absent in their upbringing.

I often tell my clients, “Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.” This quote by the legendary football coach Vince Lombardi beautifully encapsulates the idea that striving for perfection isn’t as important as striving for growth and improvement.

For more insights and articles like this, feel free to follow me on Facebook. I regularly post resources aimed at helping individuals navigate their personal and relationship challenges.

7) Emotional numbness

One of the most poignant behaviors I’ve witnessed in individuals raised by insensitive parents is emotional numbness.

Growing up in an environment where feelings are disregarded can lead to a self-imposed emotional shutdown. This numbness often persists into adulthood, hindering the ability to connect with one’s own emotions and those of others.

Breaking this pattern is challenging but feasible. Acknowledging the emotional disconnection is the initial step.

Then, it’s about gradually relearning to open up and allowing oneself to experience emotions—both positive and negative. It’s a painful journey, yet indispensable for healing and reclaiming emotional well-being.

Unpacking childhood complexities

Digging into the intricacies of human behavior is a fascinating journey, and the behaviors traced back to being raised by insensitive parents are no exception. They’re often interwoven with our personal experiences and the coping mechanisms we’ve developed over time.

But remember, these behaviors aren’t set in stone. Recognizing them is the first step towards change. It’s about understanding the past, acknowledging its impact on our present, and making conscious choices for a healthier future.

In that spirit, I would like to share this insightful video by Justin Brown. He discusses the imposter syndrome, a feeling that can often be experienced by individuals who were raised in insensitive households.

This video helps to further explore some of the key themes we’ve discussed in this article.

Remember, we’re all works in progress. We have the power to change, grow, and redefine ourselves at any point. Our past may shape us, but it doesn’t define us. Here’s to embracing our journey with courage and compassion.