Emotionally unavailable parents can be one of the hardest things to grow up with.

If you experienced this, it can feel like no one really gets you.

More often than not, people might find you hard to connect with when you’re just a product of your upbringing.

In fact, you’ve probably been labelled as ‘cold’ or ‘distant’ more times than you care to count.

Sound familiar?

If it does, let’s delve deeper into the 10 traits of people who were raised by emotionally unavailable parents. 

1) You’re self-reliant

Being raised by emotionally unavailable parents often leads to a trait of extreme self-reliance.

You’ve learned from an early age to depend on yourself, because depending on others was not an option.

You take care of your needs and rarely ask for help, because that’s what you’ve been conditioned to do throughout your childhood.

You value independence not because you want to push people away, but because it’s a survival mechanism you’ve developed over the years.

2) You struggle to express emotions

Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents can make it difficult for you to express your feelings.

For instance, I remember as a child, I used to keep my emotions bottled up because expressing them was often met with dismissal or indifference.

Even as an adult, I often find myself struggling to articulate how I feel, whether it’s joy, sadness, or anger.

You’re not incapable of feeling or expressing emotions, it’s just that you’ve learned to do so in a different way – a way that might not be easily understood by everyone.

3) You have high resilience

Children of emotionally unavailable parents often develop a high level of resilience.

Facing emotional unavailability from a young age, you’ve been exposed to hardships that others may not have experienced.

In fact, research shows that children who face adversity early in life develop stronger coping mechanisms and resilience in the face of future challenges.

People might perceive you as uncaring because you’re not visibly shaken or upset by challenges, but in reality, it’s just your well-honed ability to bounce back.

It’s not that you don’t care about what’s happening, it’s just that you’ve learned to handle adversity in a way that may seem different to others.

4) You create strong boundaries

When you’re raised by emotionally unavailable parents, you learn the importance of setting strong boundaries.

You understand that it’s vital to protect your mental and emotional health, so you create clear lines between yourself and others.

This could be in terms of how much personal information you share, how much time you spend with people, or how much emotional support you’re willing to give or receive.

This is how you establish a safe space for yourself based on your past experiences.

5) You crave emotional intimacy

Despite what it may seem like on the surface, if you were raised by emotionally unavailable parents, you likely crave emotional intimacy.

Deep down, there is a longing for that deep emotional connection that was missing from your formative years.

You yearn for relationships where you can freely express your emotions and be met with understanding and empathy.

Unfortunately, this strong desire can often be mistaken for neediness or being overly emotional.

You’re not being overly emotional, you’re just seeking the genuine emotional connection that everyone deserves.

6) You are incredibly empathetic

One of the most beautiful traits that can emerge from being raised by emotionally unavailable parents is a heightened sense of empathy.

Because you’ve lived through emotional unavailability, you have an uncanny ability to understand and feel for others who are going through the same.

You’re often the friend who understands without needing an explanation, the one who offers a shoulder to cry on, and the one who listens without judgement.

This is  not being overly sensitive, you’re just empathetically connecting with others in a world that often seems void of understanding.

7) You overthink relationships

If you’ve been raised by emotionally unavailable parents, you might find that you tend to overthink relationships.

You question every word, every action, and every silence. You constantly worry about whether you’re too much or too little for the people around you.

You replay conversations in your head and analyze them to bits, always wondering if you said the right thing or acted the right way.

This is your way of  trying to understand and maintain relationships in the best way you know how.

8) You have a great sense of humor

Being raised by emotionally unavailable parents, you’ve likely developed a unique ability to find humor in the most unexpected places.

You’ve learned to laugh at life’s challenges and have a knack for lightening the mood when things get tough.

Your sense of humor is your shield, your coping mechanism, and your way of adding a little sunshine to your day.

You use humor as a tool to navigate through life’s challenges with a smile.

9) You tend to attract similar relationships

If you’ve been raised by emotionally unavailable parents, you might find yourself attracting similar relationships in your adult life.

You may unconsciously gravitate towards partners who are emotionally distant or friends who don’t provide the emotional support you need.

It’s a tough cycle to break, but recognizing this pattern is the first step towards choosing healthier relationships.

People might perceive you as lacking in self-respect because of the relationships you choose, but in reality, it’s a pattern ingrained from childhood that takes conscious effort to break.

You’re not weak or lacking judgement, you’re just caught in a cycle that you have the power and strength to break free from.

10) You have the power to heal

Despite the challenges of being raised by emotionally unavailable parents, it’s important to know that you have the power to heal.

You can work through the effects of your upbringing and create a healthier emotional life for yourself.

You’re not bound to your past and you have the potential to build meaningful, emotionally fulfilling relationships.

It takes time, patience, and self-love, but healing is completely within your reach.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey and there are countless resources and support systems available to help you navigate this path.

Final thoughts

It can be tough growing up with emotionally unavailable parents. You can be labeled as distant, cold, or even aloof, but that’s simply because society often misunderstands the effects of such an upbringing.

If you’re someone who was raised by emotionally unavailable parents, remember—you have so much strength and resilience inside of you that others may never fully appreciate.

Only those who take the time to genuinely understand your journey deserve to witness your growth and healing.

Continue to embrace your unique traits, learn from your past, and strive towards a future where emotional availability is not a distant dream, but a comforting reality.