People who were overly criticized as children often grow up to have these 7 traits
A person’s formative years are as critical as any.
It’s the time in life when our core identities, behaviors, and traits are molded.
If only more people were attuned to this knowledge, the world would surely be a better and happier place.
Being overly critical of a kid can have dire, sometimes permanent, effects down the line.
A childhood is supposed to be a time of joy, wonderment, and growing pains, not unfair, relentless criticism.
So if you were overly criticized as a child, know you are far from alone.
And these traits might sound familiar.
Let’s dive in!
1) They’re hypersensitive to criticism
Secure people tend to take criticism in stride, knowing that the occasional bit of negative feedback is a normal part of life.
When you grow up being scrutinized, however, you might get triggered when faced with criticism in any form.
Rather than letting it pass, you take it as an attack, a personal affront, as the old feeling of being put down resurfaces, often exposing your deep insecurities in the process.
You see, when you have childhood trauma lingering, you tend to develop a heightened sensitivity towards anything resembling the things that once damaged you.
So even when criticism is constructive and helpful, you might seethe with anger rather than accept it.
2) They become perfectionists
On paper, my sister is one of the most successful people I know.
Since she was a kid, she’s overachieved.
She was always at the top of her class academically, getting scholarships to some of the top universities in the world, for both her undergrad and MBA.
She now has a cushy, high-paying job as an executive in Silicon Valley; and with her earnings, just purchased a giant house in one of the most expensive cities in the world, San Francisco.
Despite being a badass in the boardroom, emotionally she remains the equivalent of an angsty teenager.
Like the rest of our siblings, she was frequently criticized by our parents growing up.
Her outlet, her way of getting back at the world that had wronged her, was to overachieve; to strive for perfectionism to prove herself worthy, overcompensating where she saw fit.
Deep down, her need for approval remains strong.
Her drive for flawlessness is at least still partly motivated by her unconscious fear of negative judgment.
3) They have powerful self-doubt
On the other end of the spectrum, excess childhood criticism can manifest as constant self-doubt.
Because of your upbringing, your self-confidence remains reduced to rubble; your foundations are shaky, not firm, hence you are constantly second-guessing yourself and your decisions.
This can be debilitating.
You attempt to navigate through life while lacking trust in your abilities and decisions, personally, professionally, romantically–or all of the above. Not easy.
4) They have difficulty handling mistakes
Like my sister, I too was the victim of regular and harsh criticism as a kid.
As I write this, I can say quite confidently that making mistakes is a part of life; and that there is nothing more human than being occasionally wrong.
But this isn’t how I always instinctively react to my shortcomings.
I get too hard on myself, subconsciously viewing errors as personal failures.
Instead of using my mistakes as fuel for bouncing back, I just get down on myself, dwelling on my perceived incompetence.
In grade school, I played quite a bit of competitive basketball.
I distinctly remember that during games, after every shot I’d miss, I’d berate myself, instead of running back on defense.
I’d zone out, and lose focus, and it would reflect in my play.
Rather than be bold and aggressive, I’d become tentative, overthinking, and hesitant.
Needless to say, my basketball career faded over time.
5) They avoid taking risks
People who were regularly encouraged by healthy parenting as children don’t fear taking the odd risk.
In the back of their heads, they know that if they fail, they can pick themselves up, and try again.
This isn’t how you operate when you have an inherent fear of criticism.
Instead, you’ll likely have a built-in aversion to risk, preferring to stay within your comfort zone at all times.
Those things you dream of doing, say, asking out your crush or opening a business?
In your mind, these things are for other people, not you. You could never.
Yes, making mistakes is a part of life
You will remain an onlooker, simultaneously playing it safe and daydreaming of a different life, while everyone enjoys theirs.
Your avoidance of risks means you are just resentfully existing, you are not truly living–something that chips away at you over time.
6) They’re chronic people-pleasers
As a route to avoiding further judgment, people who grew up criticized often resort to the chronic habit of people-pleasing.
And once people catch on (and they do), they tend to take advantage.
People pleasers prioritize everyone else’s needs above their own.
They don’t like to ruffle feathers.
They want to constantly come across as agreeable and pleasant instead of controversial, even if that compromises their dignity and who they truly are deep down.
They rarely say ‘no,’ they rarely set boundaries, they struggle to assert themselves, and they apologize often–behaviors that are all done to gain validation and avoid disapproval.
Eventually, once they come to, this causes resentment and stress.
So if you’re a people pleaser, remember, start living for yourself before everyone else.
It’s your life, not theirs.
7) They’re pessimistic
People who grew up excessively criticized often feel resentful, bitter, and hostile towards the world.
They didn’t experience the joys of childhood the way many of us did, and they know it.
Like a recently arrived war veteran, they are hardened, something that manifests in a negative outlook on life and a general distrust of people.
They see the world as a perpetually dark and toxic place.
The glass for them is almost always half empty, as they expect the worst out of people–and out of life.
Their pessimism is so deeply ingrained that it can ruin their relationships, or lead to substance abuse issues, or even health issues.
Bad vibes all around.
Final words
As someone who was criticized as a child, I assure you, not all is lost.
Just because you turned out a certain way because of your past doesn’t mean you can’t change.
Fundamental change is always within your grasp if you want it to be.
But unlearning deeply held, innate behaviors is no walk in the park.
It will take dedication, it will take will, it will take consistency. So take it a day at a time. Seek professional help if you feel it’s necessary.
Your childhood may have been a crucial period, but it does not necessarily have to define you.
You should give yourself more credit than that.