As someone who’s navigated the difficult waters of a childhood marked by frequent criticism and put-downs, I can tell you from personal experience that such an upbringing can manifest in certain traits as we grow into adults.

Such experiences, while challenging, often shape our character and the way we interact with the world. Indeed, there are eight common characteristics that tend to surface in individuals who were frequently put down during their formative years.

In this article, we will delve into these eight traits – a direct result of consistent childhood criticisms – providing a clear picture of their manifestations in daily life.

Our objective is not to stereotype or label, but to shed light on these behaviors, helping those who relate to them better understand themselves and seek the right support if needed.

1) Hypercritical of oneself

The first trait that often appears in adults who were frequently put down as children is a tendency to be overly critical of oneself.

This is an internalization of the criticism received during childhood, and it often manifests in an excessive, unrelenting inner voice that scrutinizes every action, decision and thought.

Growing up with constant put-downs can condition individuals to anticipate criticism.

As a result, they might develop a habit of self-criticizing to ‘beat others to it’. This often leads to perfectionism, a relentless drive to avoid making mistakes or showing any perceived weaknesses.

Listen up: Perfectionism?

It’s nothing but a mirage, a fleeting shadow that slips through your fingers no matter how hard you chase it. Holding yourself up to high standards is a good thing because it pushes you to aim higher and work harder.

But when you make perfection the front and center of every standard you set for yourself, you’re setting yourself up for a great deal of stress and anxiety.  

2) Difficulty forming and maintaining relationships

The second trait that commonly surfaces in adults who were frequently criticized as children is a struggle to form and maintain healthy relationships.

This struggle can stem from various factors, including low self-esteem, fear of rejection, and difficulty trusting others.

Low self-esteem is a common byproduct of childhood criticism.

Those with low self-esteem often feel unworthy of love or happiness, which can hinder their ability to form close relationships. They might also struggle to assert their needs or boundaries within relationships, leading to dysfunctional dynamics.

Similarly, the fear of rejection can be a significant obstacle in relationship-building.

If you were frequently put down as a child, you might anticipate rejection in your adult relationships. This fear can cause you to hold back emotionally or end relationships prematurely to avoid potential hurt.

3) Heightened sensitivity to criticism

The third characteristic commonly observed in adults who faced frequent criticism as children is an elevated sensitivity to critique.

It’s like an emotional scar, where even well-meaning feedback can reopen old wounds, stirring up memories of past negativity.

This hypersensitivity can make it difficult to accept feedback, even when it’s meant to help. It may also lead to a defensive attitude, as individuals may view criticism as an attack rather than an opportunity for improvement.

This can cause issues in both personal and professional relationships, where feedback and constructive criticism are common.

Remember that criticism of your actions or behavior does not define your worth as a person. Learn to separate constructive feedback from personal attacks and recognize that everyone makes mistakes and has areas for improvement.

4) People-pleasing behaviors

The fourth trait common in adults who were often criticized as children is a tendency toward people-pleasing behaviors.

This trait emerges as a defense mechanism; by pleasing others and avoiding conflict, individuals may feel they can protect themselves from further criticism and rejection.

People-pleasing can manifest in various ways, including suppressing one’s own needs to accommodate others, agreeing with others even when you disagree, or going out of your way to make others happy at the expense of your own well-being.

This behavior often stems from the fear of disappointing others and the associated guilt or anxiety.

While being considerate and thoughtful is a positive quality, constant people-pleasing can lead to resentment, burnout, and loss of personal identity.

The key is to balance the desire to make others happy with your own needs and boundaries.

5) Difficulty expressing emotions

The fifth trait that often surfaces in adults who were frequently put down during childhood is a difficulty in expressing emotions.

This stems from the fear of negative reactions or judgments from others, leading to a tendency to suppress or hide feelings.

Such individuals may have learned early on that expressing their true feelings resulted in criticism or dismissal. This can lead to emotional suppression, where they hold back their emotions rather than expressing them openly.

Unfortunately, this suppression can result in reduced emotional awareness and understanding over time. It can also lead to difficulties in managing emotions, which can affect mental health and interpersonal relationships.

6) Desire for control and predictability

Ever notice how some adults seem to be all about control and predictability?

Well, there’s a good chance they were on the receiving end of a lot of criticism back in the day. It’s like their childhood was a rollercoaster of uncertainty, so now they’re all about keeping things steady and predictable.

Makes sense, right?

When life throws you a curveball, it’s natural to want to grab onto whatever stability you can find.

In an unpredictable environment, these individuals may try to establish control wherever possible to create a sense of safety and predictability.  

While clinging to control might make us feel like the masters of our universe, life has a knack for throwing curveballs faster than we can say “schedule.”

Therefore, let’s loosen our grip on that color-coded spreadsheet of life and embrace the unpredictable chaos with open arms. After all, the best adventures often begin with a wrong turn or a surprise plot twist.  

7) Strong drive for success and achievement

The seventh trait that is commonly observed in adults who were frequently criticized as children is a strong drive for success and achievement.

This trait often emerges as a way to prove oneself and gain approval or validation that was lacking during childhood.

Such individuals may become high achievers, constantly striving to excel in their chosen career or personal pursuits. This relentless pursuit of success, while admirable, can sometimes turn into an obsession, leaving little room for relaxation or enjoyment of life’s simple pleasures.

Here’s a reminder: Striving for success is like chasing a rainbow—always reaching for that pot of gold at the end.

But let’s not forget there’s more to life than climbing the corporate ladder or snagging that dream promotion.

While ambition is admirable, it’s essential not to let it overshadow the finer things—like binge-watching your favorite show, indulging in a pint of ice cream, or spending quality time with loved ones.  

8) Fear of failure

The final trait that frequently surfaces in adults who were put down as children is a deep-seated fear of failure.

This fear is often rooted in the criticism and negative feedback they received during their formative years, leading to a belief that failure is unacceptable and must be avoided at all costs.

This fear of failure can drive individuals to either push themselves relentlessly towards success or avoid taking risks entirely to evade potential failure.

Both approaches can lead to a high-stress lifestyle and missed opportunities for personal growth that come from making mistakes and learning from them.

While it’s natural to want to succeed, it’s equally important to recognize that failure is not a reflection of self-worth but a part of life’s learning process. 

Moving forward

If you recognize these traits within yourself, know that you’re not alone and, most importantly, it’s never too late to address them and foster personal growth.

It’s essential to remember that these traits are not character flaws but responses to past experiences. They have shaped you but do not define you.

Counseling or therapy can be extremely helpful in working through these traits and their underlying causes. 

good therapist can provide you with tools and strategies to challenge self-critical thoughts, handle criticism more effectively, express emotions healthily, and establish healthier boundaries in relationships.

In addition to seeking professional help, there are steps you can take on your own.

Practicing self-compassion, mindfulness, and effective stress management techniques can go a long way in healing. Surrounding yourself with supportive and positive individuals can also contribute to building a healthier self-image.

Remember, it’s okay to seek help and take care of your mental health. It’s a sign of strength and the first step towards becoming the person you aspire to be. Healing may take time, but every step you take is worthwhile.