I used to have a friend who made everything about them.

At first, we (as in me and our other friends) didn’t really notice it, we loved this person so of course we’ll listen to them.

But then one day, as if a switch was turned on, we realized their habit of rerouting all conversations back to them.

We noticed how often the conversation is commandeered by them.

It’s one of those things that you won’t really realize until you pay close attention. 

Let’s do that today. What traits do these people possess? How does it feel to be on the receiving end of that? 

Here are 8 traits of people who talk a lot but never really listen. 

1) Constantly interrupting others

“Everyone wants to feel heard—but if you don’t feel you are, the relationship can begin to erode. After all, consistent interruptions by the same person not only feel like a lack of respect for you and your thoughts, but they also demonstrate apparent self-centeredness.” – Understanding the Psychology of Interrupting | Sherri Gordon 

A tell-tale sign of a person who never listens (and maybe doesn’t want to listen) is if they’re prone to interrupting others.

They never let anybody finish their thought.

Being interrupted a few times would probably raise eyebrows but most of us would let it pass, however, a person who does not listen to others will be constantly interrupting.

They won’t be able to stop themselves and are likely to bristle when called out for the behavior. 

2) Always steering the conversation back to themselves

Apparently, a person who steers the conversation back to themselves is called a Conversational Narcissist. 

Psychologist Mark Travers explains this further:

“A conversational narcissist is someone who constantly turns the conversation back to themselves, monopolizing the discussion and disregarding the thoughts, feelings or interests of others. Although they are not true narcissists, they can still pose challenges when interacting with others.”

Sounds familiar? 

We all know at least one person like this, those who can always bring the conversation back to them.

It’s almost like a talent, actually. It’d be impressive if only it wasn’t so annoying. 

They have this uncanny ability to connect every tail end of the conversation to something they’ve done. 

3) Showing impatience when others are talking

People who talk a lot but never listen will show impatience when others are talking.

It’s bad enough when people pointedly don’t listen to you when you’re talking, it’s another when they show impatience.  

Their body language will tell you that they would rather be anywhere else than in that conversation.

They might continue looking at the time, they might roll their eyes, they might huff, they might cut you off, or constantly interrupt. 

Long story short, they will show you they couldn’t possibly care less about what you’re saying. 

4) Disregarding other people’s opinions

“Emotional invalidation is the act of dismissing or rejecting someone’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. It says to someone: “Your feelings don’t matter. Your feelings are wrong.” Emotional invalidation can make you feel unimportant or irrational. It can take many forms and happen at any time.” – What is Emotional Invalidation? | Brittany Carrico

People who would rather talk than listen will ignore, disregard, and invalidate your shows of emotions.

It’s going to be too much for them to deal with. 

After all, they’re only in that conversation for themselves, not yours. 

5) Disregarding other people’s experiences

Similar to the point above on #4, it’s also better to just not share about your life with people who will talk over you anyway. 

It’s all connected, isn’t it?

They’ll interrupt, they’ll bring the topic back to them, they won’t have enough mental bandwidth to care about your life experiences.

Worse, they’ll minimize it. You might think people like this will only talk about their achievements. No, they will even “out-sad” you if necessary. 

You’re sad? Well, they have it worse. You lost your job? Well, they’ve been jobless for years.

You’re having a bad day? Well, they just got mauled by a bear. Or something.

Everything is a contest and even if it’s a tragedy, well they’d still rather talk about that. 

6) Showing a lack of curiosity on the topic of conversation

Someone successfully steered the topic away from this person? Oh, shoot, you just lost their attention. 

People who only talk but never listen will display a lack of curiosity about what’s happening. What is everyone talking about? No clue. 

They don’t care. 

7) Frequently checking their phone when it’s not their turn to talk

“‘Phubbing’ — snubbing someone you’re talking to to look at a cell phone — may not be part of your everyday vocabulary, but it’s almost certainly part of your everyday life. Just think about how often a conversation stalls because your friends (or you) have pulled out a phone and descended into an Instagram black hole.” – ‘Phubbing’ Is Hurting Your Relationships. Here’s What It Is | Jamie Ducharme 

While this is technically just a variation of “not paying attention”, it deserves its own separate number just because it’s so specific and oddly universal.

Those of us who grew up in the advent of smartphones will understand how distracting smartphones could be, even if we choose to be present or in the moment. I get it, you get it, a lot of us will.

We’ve all experienced being on both ends of “phubbing” and we probably don’t realize the frequency of which we do it unless we are being mindful.

During these times, we become the type of people who don’t listen and just participate when it involves us. 

Gets you thinking, huh?

8) Making the conversation feel one-sided

It’s either they’re talking too much or they don’t participate in the conversation at all, either way, they’re making the conversation feel one-sided.

People who never listen will care not one bit about your feelings over the conversation.

The only things important to them are them, them, and oh, them! 

Your comfort or your opinions are as good as air to them. 

Better luck next time!

Final thoughts

In the 2010 film Burlesque, Ali (played by Christina Aguilera) tells Cher’s character Tess, “Do you ever listen to anything other than the sound of your own voice?”

It’s been years since I rewatched that movie but I still distinctly remember that line.

It’s a line worthy of lugging around in your head, to pay attention to, to reflect on, to think that hey, maybe I am monopolizing conversations too much.

Talking a lot is not inherently malicious unless you really take offense once called out.

Sometimes, in our excitement, we tend to talk over people. We can find ourselves lost in our narratives. 

However, it’s also up to us to make sure that our conversations are fulfilling not only for ourselves but also for the other people we are interacting with. 

Otherwise, you’re just doing a monologue, right?