People who struggle with perfectionism often display these 9 subtle behaviors (without realizing it)

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | August 11, 2024, 5:44 pm

Perfectionism can be a tricky thing. It’s often a mask for insecurity and fear, yet it can also drive us to achieve more.

People who grapple with perfectionism frequently exhibit certain behaviors that go unnoticed by them.

These behaviors can provide insight into this common struggle. Yet, most people don’t even realize they’re doing them.

As someone who’s battled with perfectionism, I’ve identified 9 subtle behaviors we often exhibit without even realizing it. And if you’re a perfectionist too, you might just find yourself nodding along with this list.

1) Overthinking every decision

Perfectionists, by nature, are all about getting things exactly right.

This tendency often extends to decision-making. They’ll pore over every option, considering every possible outcome, no matter how minor the decision may be.

It’s not just about making the ‘right’ choice. It’s about avoiding the wrong one.

They’re driven by the fear of making a mistake, or even worse, failing. This fear often leads them to overthink even the simplest of decisions, resulting in indecision or unnecessary stress.

You might not even realize you’re doing it. But if you find yourself agonizing over what to eat for lunch or what color socks to wear, you might be a perfectionist.

2) Procrastination due to fear of failure

This is one I can personally vouch for.

As a perfectionist, there’s this nagging fear of not being able to complete a task perfectly, so sometimes it feels safer not to start at all. This is a classic form of self-sabotage that perfectionists often struggle with.

I remember back in college, I had a major research paper due. I was so worried about getting every detail perfect that I kept putting it off, waiting for the ‘right’ time to start. The result? A lot of stress and a last-minute scramble to get it done.

Sound familiar? If you’re constantly delaying tasks because you’re afraid you won’t be able to do them perfectly, you might be struggling with perfectionism.

The solution is not easy, but it’s important to remind yourself that done is better than perfect. And every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.

3) Critical of others’ performance

Perfectionists not only set high standards for themselves, but they often apply these unrealistic expectations to others as well.

This can manifest in different ways, from being overly critical of a colleague’s work to getting frustrated when a friend is late for a casual meet-up.

Interestingly, research has shown that perfectionists are more likely to experience conflict in relationships, as their high standards can create tension and dissatisfaction.

So if you find yourself frequently irritated by other people’s shortcomings, it might be a sign of your own struggle with perfectionism.

4) Struggle with the concept of ‘good enough’

As a perfectionist, the idea of something being ‘good enough’ is often hard to accept. There’s always a nagging feeling that it could be better, more refined, or more polished.

In Buddhism, there’s a concept called “santosha” which means contentment. It’s about finding peace in the present moment and accepting things as they are, not as we want them to be.

This is something I delve into in my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”. I discuss how embracing ‘good enough’ can actually lead to greater satisfaction and less stress.

If you find yourself continuously striving for perfection and never quite feeling satisfied, it might be time to explore the concept of ‘good enough’. Not only can it give you some much-needed peace of mind, but it can also free up your energy for other important areas of your life.

5) Difficulty delegating tasks

This is a tough one. As a perfectionist, it’s hard to trust others to complete tasks the way I would do them myself. I’ve often found myself taking on too much because I believe that if I want something done right, I have to do it myself.

This belief often leads to burnout. It can also lead to resentment in team situations, as it can come off as not trusting your teammates or colleagues.

Whether it’s at work, home, or in any group dynamic, if you’re finding it difficult to let others take the reins, it may be another sign of your struggle with perfectionism.

6) High achiever but low self-esteem

This may sound counter-intuitive, but perfectionists often struggle with low self-esteem despite their high achievements.

The reason? They tend to attribute their success to external factors like luck, timing, or the effort they put in, rather than acknowledging their own abilities and talents.

Moreover, they have a constant fear of being exposed as frauds – a phenomenon known as ‘imposter syndrome’.

So even though they’re often high achievers, perfectionists can struggle with feelings of inadequacy.

7) Avoiding new experiences

Perfectionists often stick to what they know. Why? Because they’re good at it. Venturing into new territories means facing the possibility of not being perfect, and that’s scary.

So they avoid new experiences, new skills, or new hobbies. They’d rather not try at all than try and fail.

If you find yourself shying away from new opportunities due to fear of not excelling immediately, it could be a sign of perfectionism. Remember, growth comes from stepping out of your comfort zone. It’s okay to be a beginner and make mistakes; it’s all part of the learning journey.

9) Obsessing over small details

Perfectionists are known for their attention to detail. But when it starts to interfere with your overall productivity and well-being, it crosses into the realm of perfectionism.

Obsessing over every little detail can lead to missed deadlines, unnecessary stress, and ultimately, burnout.

It’s essential to remember that perfection is an illusion. Life is messy, and that’s okay. The beauty lies in embracing the chaos and finding joy in our perfectly imperfect lives.

Final thoughts

Understanding our behaviors, especially the subtle ones, can be a powerful tool to self-awareness and personal development.

This is particularly true for perfectionists. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step in learning to manage them effectively.

In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”, I delve deeper into practices that can help cultivate self-awareness and acceptance.

Remember, perfectionism isn’t about being perfect. It’s about setting unrealistic standards for ourselves that can often hinder more than help. It’s okay not to be perfect. In fact, it’s more than okay – it’s human.