If you’ve found it difficult to connect with your parents, you’re not alone—many people face this struggle.

Yet if you do find it tough to get along with your own folks, you’ve likely wondered why.

Why is that some people remain close with their parents while others have a rocky relationship throughout life?

Well, it turns out there could be reasons buried deep in your past.

Childhood experiences often shape our adult relationships, and this is especially true when it comes to our parents. You’d be surprised how much those early years can affect how we interact with them later in life.

So, if you’re sitting there thinking, “Why do I struggle so much with my parents?”… read on. We’re about to explore seven common experiences that people who have a hard time relating to their parents usually had growing up.

1) They experienced inconsistent parenting

Inconsistency is a tricky thing.

Especially when it comes to parenting.

As a kid, if you had parents who were unpredictable—one day loving and supportive, the next cold and distant—that’s bound to leave a mark.

Research has found that inconsistent parenting can create a sense of insecurity in children.

It can lower your self-esteem and increase your risk of depression in adult life.

As an adult, this can manifest as difficulty trusting relationships, fearing inconsistency and unpredictability.

And since our parents are often our first models for relationships, it’s not surprising that these fears can manifest in your relationship with them.

2) They grew up with high expectations

Oh, the weight of expectations.

I can still remember the knot in my stomach every time report cards were due.

You see, in my family, it was all about good grades, and anything less than an ‘A’ was a disappointment.

While my parents probably thought they were motivating me to be my best, what it really did was create a constant feeling of not being good enough.

And it wasn’t just about academics. They had high expectations for everything—how I behaved, how I presented myself, even who I should be friends with.

As I got older, I found it hard to shake off that pressure.

It’s like a ghost that follows you around; you always feel like you’re being judged on some invisible scale.

This kind of upbringing can make it difficult to relate to parents as an adult.

You might feel a sense of resentment or even fear of not living up to their standards.

3) They were witness to constant conflict

Home is supposed to be a safe space, right?

But what if it isn’t? What if home was a battlefield, filled with constant arguments and shouting matches?

Many of us grew up in households where conflict was the norm.

Where parental discord cast shadows over what should have been our carefree years.

And let me tell you, that’s tough.

As children, we’re highly perceptive.

We pick up on tension and anger, even if we don’t understand the reasons behind them.

And when we’re exposed to chronic conflict, it can skew our perception of what relationships should look like.

Fast forward to adulthood, and it’s no wonder we struggle with our parents.

We might:

• Approach interactions with them expecting conflict
• Display emotional reactivity
• Become hyper-vigilant to avoid potential flare-ups

It’s a learned survival mechanism, but as psychology shows, it can hinder our ability to maintain healthy relationships.

4) They felt unheard or misunderstood

Ever felt like you’re talking, but no one’s listening?

Imagine feeling that way as a child, especially when the ones not listening are your parents.

Growing up feeling unheard or misunderstood can be deeply isolating.

It can make you feel like your thoughts and feelings are invalid or unimportant.

This can be particularly damaging during adolescence, a time when we’re trying to figure out who we are and where we fit in the world.

As adults, this can result in a strained relationship with our parents.

We might avoid opening up to them, fearing they won’t understand or even care about our perspective.

5) They were parentified as children

Every now and then, a child might have to step up and take on adult responsibilities.

Maybe they help with household chores or look after younger siblings.

However, when this becomes a regular expectation rather than an occasional helping hand, it’s known as parentification.

In essence, the child becomes the parent.

Psychology shows that these parentified children grow up with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility.

These kids miss out on a carefree childhood and tend to carry an excessive burden of responsibility into adulthood.

This dynamic can strain relationships with parents later in life.

The adult child might harbor resentment, or they may struggle to see their parents as capable and reliable due to their past experiences.

6) They felt they had to hide their true selves

Have you ever felt like you’re wearing a mask?

As if the real you would be too much for others to handle?

Growing up, some children feel the need to hide their true selves to gain acceptance from their parents.

Whether it’s suppressing their feelings, interests, or identity, this act of self-concealment can be incredibly damaging.

As adults, this can lead to a strained relationship with parents.

It’s hard to feel close to someone when you can’t be your authentic self around them.

7) They lacked emotional support

Emotional support is the bedrock of any relationship.

As children, we look to our parents for comfort, understanding, and validation. When that support is absent or inconsistent, it can leave lasting scars.

Emotional support is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. Everyone deserves to feel heard, understood, and loved, especially by their parents.

Adults who lacked emotional support as children might find it difficult to connect with their parents.

They may feel a deep-seated sense of being unloved or unwanted, even if their parents provided for their physical needs.

Final thoughts

If any of these experiences resonates with you, know that it’s not your fault, but rather a reflection of the environment you grew up in.

Recognizing this childhood pattern is crucial for breaking free from its hold and establishing healthier relationships moving forward.

Your upbringing shaped you but it doesn’t have to confine you.

It’s never too late to seek help, start conversations, and set boundaries. It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being.

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s this—you are not defined by your past, but by who you choose to become.