Happiness is a choice, but it’s often easier said than done. People who struggle to find lasting joy in life often exhibit certain behaviors unknowingly.

These behaviors, like hidden traps, tend to pull us away from the path of contentment.

Now, I’m no guru, but I’ve observed that there are 8 common behaviors that seem to turn up more often than not in people who find it hard to grasp and keep happiness.

In this article, we’ll delve into these habits. Perhaps by shedding some light on them, we might just help you sidestep these happiness pitfalls.

1) Overthinking every situation

One common trait amongst those struggling to find lasting happiness is a propensity to overthink.

Overthinking can be a real joy-killer. It robs you of the present moment and plunges you into a world of ‘what ifs’ and imagined scenarios that may never come to pass.

It’s like being stuck in a replay loop, going over past mistakes or future worries, instead of enjoying the here and now.

This habit tends to weigh heavily on one’s mind, creating unnecessary stress and anxiety. What’s more, it often doesn’t lead to any productive outcome.

Recognising and breaking this cycle can be a significant step towards inviting more happiness into your life. Remember, most of what we worry about never happens. So why waste your energy?

But breaking this habit isn’t always easy. It takes conscious effort and practice. However, the payoff – a lighter, happier life – is definitely worth it.

2) Seeking validation from others

I have to admit, this was a big one for me. For a long time, I placed a lot of my self-worth in the hands of others. If people praised me, I felt good about myself. If they criticised me, my self-esteem took a hit.

This constant need for validation from others can be a massive roadblock to finding lasting happiness. We start to measure our worth not by our own standards but by the opinions of others.

One day, I realized that I was giving too much power to other people over my happiness. It was a game-changer. I started focusing more on my own opinion of myself rather than seeking approval from others.

The truth is, you can’t please everyone. And you shouldn’t have to. Your worth should never be contingent on someone else’s opinion.

Learning to validate oneself is key to cultivating inner happiness. It’s about recognizing your value and appreciating yourself for who you are, independent of any external validation. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but it’s a crucial step towards lasting happiness.

3) Neglecting self-care

In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, self-care often takes a backseat. We’re so consumed by responsibilities and obligations that we forget to take care of ourselves.

Neglecting self-care—be it skipping meals, not getting enough sleep, or failing to make time for activities you enjoy—can lead to burnout and negatively impact your overall happiness.

It’s essential to understand that taking care of oneself is not a luxury, but a necessity. Allow yourself to rest, eat healthily, exercise regularly, and engage in activities that you love. It’s not selfish; it’s self-preservation.

Prioritizing self-care can significantly impact your happiness levels and your ability to enjoy life.

4) Clinging to expectations

One key teaching in Buddhism is the idea of non-attachment, particularly when it comes to expectations.

In my experience, holding on to rigid expectations—about ourselves, others, and life in general—can be a significant barrier to happiness. We set up these mental models of how things should be, and when reality doesn’t match up, we’re left feeling disappointed and dissatisfied.

In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve deeper into the Buddhist concept of non-attachment. It’s not about being detached or indifferent. Instead, it’s about learning to let go of preconceived notions and expectations that can cause us unnecessary suffering.

Understanding this concept can be a game-changer. It allows you to take life as it comes, without the added pressure of trying to control every outcome. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have goals or dreams. Rather, it’s about approaching life with an open mind, ready to accept whatever comes your way.

Embracing this Buddhist principle can help lead the way towards a more serene and happier life. So why not give it a try? You might be surprised at the positive shift it brings.

5) Comparing oneself to others

There was a time when I found myself constantly comparing my life, my achievements, even my looks to those around me. It was as if I was in a constant race, trying to keep up with an invisible standard set by others.

This habit of comparing oneself to others is a happiness thief. It breeds discontentment and can make us lose sight of our own worth and achievements.

Instead of celebrating our unique journey, we end up feeling inadequate or envious of others. What we often forget is that everyone has their own path, their own pace, and their own set of challenges.

The moment I stopped comparing and started appreciating my own journey, things began to change. I felt more content, more at peace with myself. It was a liberating experience.

Remember, the only person you should compare yourself to is who you were yesterday. Use that as your benchmark for growth and self-improvement. It’s a far healthier way to live and paves the way for genuine happiness.

6) Chasing after happiness

Now, this may sound counter-intuitive, but hear me out.

One of the behaviors I’ve noticed in people struggling with lasting happiness is the constant pursuit of happiness itself. It’s as if happiness is a destination they’re trying to reach.

The irony is, the more you chase after happiness, the more it seems to elude you. That’s because happiness is not a destination, it’s a journey. It’s found in the everyday moments, in appreciating what you have right now.

Instead of constantly chasing after a future state of happiness, try focusing on the present. Find joy in the small things. Appreciate the good in your life right now.

You’ll find that when you stop chasing after happiness and start embracing it in your daily life, it becomes more accessible and lasting. It’s an odd paradox, but it’s true: Stop pursuing happiness to actually become happier.

7) Dwelling on the past

We all have a past. It’s full of experiences, both good and bad, that shape us. But when we spend too much time dwelling on past mistakes or misfortunes, it can hinder our ability to find happiness in the present.

Living in the past can keep us stuck, unable to move forward. It can breed regret and bitterness, emotions that are far from conducive to happiness.

It’s crucial to remember that the past is gone. We can’t change it, but we can learn from it. Take those lessons, apply them in the present, and move forward.

By focusing on the here and now, we give ourselves the best chance at happiness. After all, the present moment is all we truly have. Let’s make the most of it.

8) Ignoring your inner voice

At the heart of finding lasting happiness lies one vital element: listening to your inner voice.

Your inner voice, intuition, or gut feeling, whatever you prefer to call it, is your most authentic guide. It’s your true self, untouched by external influences or societal pressures.

When we ignore this inner voice, we often end up living a life that’s not truly ours. We follow paths that don’t align with our core values and passions, leaving us feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.

Tuning in to this voice and honoring its wisdom is key to finding genuine happiness. It means making decisions that resonate with who you truly are and living a life that’s in alignment with your authentic self.

Remember, at the end of the day, you are the captain of your ship. Listen to your inner voice. It knows the way to your happiness.

Conclusion: Happiness is an inside job

At the end of the day, our happiness is deeply intertwined with our thoughts, behaviors, and how we interact with the world.

Each of these eight behaviors we’ve discussed holds a mirror to our inner world, reflecting back the aspects that might be holding us back from lasting happiness.

In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve into many of these concepts further. The idea is to empower you with the tools to pave your own path towards genuine happiness.

But remember, lasting happiness isn’t about achieving a perpetual state of bliss. It’s about accepting life’s ups and downs, learning from our experiences, and making conscious choices that align with our authentic self.

The journey to happiness is deeply personal and unique to each one of us. It’s about understanding ourselves better and making room for growth and self-improvement.

Remember, the key to lasting happiness lies within you. And that’s a powerful place to start.