There’s a surprising truth about people who remain trapped in unhappy relationships: they often don’t recognize the signs.

As a dating coach, I’ve seen this scenario play out time and again. Individuals stuck in unfulfilling relationships often display certain behaviors, blind to their own unhappiness.

It’s not about pointing fingers or laying blame. It’s about understanding these patterns and, hopefully, finding the strength to break them.

In this piece, I’ll share with you 8 behaviors commonly seen in those who stay in unhappy relationships, often without even realizing it.

Let’s dive into it together and hope we can learn something valuable.

1) They rationalize their unhappiness

It’s a trait I’ve seen time and time again in my career as a relationship expert.

People in unhappy relationships often find ways to justify their discontent. They might tell themselves that every relationship has its ups and downs, or that they’re just going through a rough patch.

This kind of rationalization can be comforting. It gives them a mental escape, a way to avoid facing the harsh truth of their dissatisfaction.

But here’s the thing about rough patches: they’re supposed to be temporary. If your relationship feels like one continuous rough patch, it might be time to figure out why that is.

2) They fear change

This is a big one. Fear of change hits hard, and I’ve grappled with it in my own life, too.

Many folks choose to stick it out in unhappy relationships because the unknown is downright scary. They worry about being alone or the uncertainty that comes with starting over.

In these situations, fear of change can keep you spinning in circles of unhappiness. It’s like a shield, guarding you from potential pain and discomfort.

But in the grand scheme of things, letting fear run the show can hurt more than facing the discomfort of change itself. It’s normal to feel scared, but don’t let fear call the shots on your happiness. 

3) They’re codependent

Codependency is a complex issue and one I’ve dedicated a lot of my work to understanding. It’s when one person relies excessively on another for emotional or psychological support.

Those stuck in unhappy relationships often show signs of codependency. They might feel responsible for their partner’s happiness or believe they can “fix” them.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into this issue and provide practical tools to help free yourself from the chains of codependency.

Remember, it’s not your job to save others. You can only control your actions and responses. It’s crucial to establish healthy boundaries for your own wellbeing.

4) They’re often optimistic

Here’s a surprising one. You’d think that people in unhappy relationships would be pessimistic, right? But often, it’s quite the opposite.

Many people stuck in unfulfilling relationships are actually very hopeful. They believe things will get better, that their partner will change, or that the relationship will somehow magically improve.

This optimism can be both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it’s a testament to their resilience and capacity to see the good in difficult situations. But on the other hand, it can keep them trapped in a cycle of hope and disappointment.

It’s important to balance optimism with a healthy dose of reality. True change often requires action, not just hope. It’s okay to be hopeful, but don’t ignore your feelings in the process.

5) They confuse comfort with happiness

This is a tricky one, and something I’ve personally struggled with in the past.

Many times, people in unhappy relationships mistake familiarity and comfort for happiness. They’ve grown accustomed to the routines, the habits, and even the disputes. It’s their ‘normal,’ and straying from that can seem daunting.

It becomes easy to confuse this comfort with genuine happiness. But true happiness in a relationship comes from mutual respect, understanding, and fulfillment — not just from sticking to what you know.

It’s important to differentiate between comfort and contentment. If you find yourself justifying your relationship based on the comfort it provides, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate what makes you truly happy.

6) They feel unworthy of happiness

This is a tough topic to tackle, but it’s important to be real about it. In many cases, folks stuck in unhappy relationships harbor a deep-seated belief that they don’t deserve happiness.

This feeling can spring from a mix of things—past hurts, low self-esteem, or pressure from society. It’s a heavy weight to carry and can keep people trapped in cycles of unhappiness.

If you’re reading this and nodding along, hear me out: You deserve love, respect, and most importantly, happiness. Don’t let anyone, yourself included, tell you otherwise.

Confronting these feelings head-on might stir up some emotional storms, but it’s the first step in reclaiming your worth and finding the happiness you’re entitled to.

7) They avoid confrontation

Confrontation isn’t everyone’s favorite thing—I should know, I used to dodge it like crazy.

In unhappy relationships, folks often shy away from tough talks or arguments. They’d rather keep things calm than tackle the tough stuff.

But as the renowned author Joyce Meyer once said, “You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are.”

Avoiding confrontation might seem like the easiest route, but it often leads to unresolved issues and further unhappiness.

But hey, it’s totally okay to speak up about how you feel. Healthy confrontation can actually bring understanding, growth, and even make your relationship stronger in the end.

8) They put others before themselves

This one’s a real gut-punch because, let’s face it, we’ve all been there. In unhappy relationships, folks often put their partner’s needs and feelings before their own.

They might shove aside their own wants or bury their feelings to keep the peace. It might seem like a noble act, but it usually ends up brewing resentment and eroding their sense of self.

Just a reminder: It’s not selfish to put your happiness and well-being first. A healthy relationship thrives on balance and mutual respect. Your feelings count just as much as your partner’s.

Don’t settle for unhappy relationships

If you find yourself stuck in an unhappy relationship, remember this: your happiness matters too. It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being and seek out the love and respect you deserve. 

While change can be scary, staying in a cycle of unhappiness won’t do you any favors in the long run. Take a deep breath, muster up the courage, and take that first step towards reclaiming your happiness. 

Whether it’s seeking support from loved ones or seeking professional help, know that you’re not alone on this journey to finding fulfillment and joy.

If you’ve resonated with any of these points, I encourage you to check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s packed with practical advice and tools to help empower you in your relationships.

Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your happiness and wellbeing. You deserve a relationship that brings you joy, not just comfort. And most importantly, remember that change is possible. You’ve got this.