There’s a stark contrast between people who are genuinely kind and those who merely wear a facade of niceness, while harbouring ulterior motives.

The difference? Authenticity. Those who only appear to be lovely often have hidden agendas, while truly kind individuals operate with sincerity.

People who are sweet on the surface but mean underneath often exhibit certain telltale behaviors. And you know what? I’ve narrowed these down to seven specific signs.

Let’s get started. 

1) Excessive flattery

Nothing beats a compliment to brighten up your day, right? Well, not always.

People who seem lovely on the surface but mean underneath are often masters of excessive flattery. They know how to use sweet words and compliments to win your heart and gain your trust.

Don’t get me wrong. Compliments are lovely when they’re genuine. However, these individuals tend to overdo it. Their flattery often has a hidden agenda – it’s not about making you feel good but about serving their own interests.

In essence, they use flattery as a manipulation tool. It’s their way of making you let your guard down.

2) They’re never wrong

In my own life, I’ve had my fair share of encounters with people who came across as lovely, only to reveal their mean side later.

One such person was an old colleague of mine. She was always cheerful, engaging, and seemed very considerate. However, as I got to know her better, I noticed something peculiar – she was never wrong.

No matter the situation, it seemed like she was never at fault. If a project failed, it was always someone else’s mistake. If there was a disagreement, she would twist her words and arguments to ensure she came out on top. She had an uncanny ability to dodge responsibility and shift blame onto others.

At first glance, her constant need to be right might seem like a mere character quirk. But over time, it became clear that it was a manipulative tactic to maintain control and dominance.

3) Frequent mood swings

Have you ever been around someone who was really friendly one moment and then cold or even hostile the next? That’s a classic sign of someone who is nice on the surface but mean underneath.

Interestingly, psychologists refer to this as “emotional instability” and it’s one of the traits associated with personality disorders.

These individuals have a tendency to swing between extremes in their emotions, making their behavior unpredictable. One moment they’re your best friend, and the next, they’re completely indifferent or even rude.

While it’s normal for everyone to have mood swings occasionally, frequent and dramatic shifts can be a sign of a deeper issue. It’s a manipulative behavior designed to keep you off balance and unsure of where you stand.

4) They’re overly competitive

Another common behavior displayed by people who seem lovely on the surface but mean underneath is an excessive need to win or be the best.

These individuals tend to turn everything into a competition, even when it’s unnecessary. It could be about who has the better job, who got the higher grade, or who can eat the most at a buffet.

While a healthy level of competition can be good, with these individuals, it often crosses over into unhealthy territory. They constantly need to outshine others and will often resort to underhanded tactics to ensure they come out on top.

This over-competitiveness is a way for them to assert dominance and control over others. They hide their mean intentions behind a veil of friendly competition.

5) They lack empathy

I remember vividly, a few years back, going through a really tough time. My world seemed to be falling apart. Like anyone in a similar situation, I needed support from those around me.

There was this friend who always seemed lovely and caring. But when I needed empathy the most, it was nowhere to be found. Instead of understanding and comfort, I received indifference and dismissive comments.

This friend seemed unable to put themselves in my shoes or understand my feelings. It was a moment of revelation. Underneath the lovely surface, there was a lack of genuine concern for others.

6) They gossip a lot

One telltale sign of people who are lovely on the surface but mean underneath is their tendency to gossip. They seem to take pleasure in discussing others’ misfortunes or failures, often under the guise of concern.

Gossiping is a destructive habit, capable of ruining reputations and relationships. It’s also a form of manipulation, used to control information and create alliances.

While they might appear friendly and sociable during these gossip sessions, their true colors are revealed in their willingness to spread rumors or reveal confidential information.

7) They’re insincere

The most crucial thing to remember is that people who seem lovely on the surface but mean underneath often lack sincerity. Their words and actions don’t line up, and they often make promises they have no intention of keeping.

Their insincerity can be subtle, hidden behind a facade of charm and friendliness. But over time, the inconsistencies pile up, revealing their true character.