Being hurt emotionally leaves a wound. It can be hard to get back on one’s feet and find a way to trust again, love again, try again.

But there are admirable individuals who do exactly this every day. 

They find a way to come back from deep heartbreak, loss and disappointment and live their life to the fullest…

They find a way to love again, start their career again and tackle life with gusto, despite having been let down and hurt in the past. 

What sets these brave and emotionally-intelligent optimists apart? 

Let’s take a look… 

1) Resilient in the face of adversity

They are strong in the face of adversity and find a way to see a silver lining even when the clouds are dark. 

This points to a tendency to see their disappointment and setbacks in light of an overall journey:

It’s been painful and unfair, but they refuse to give up or see themselves as a victim. 

This points to the two primary types of optimism, both dispositional and explanatory.

“There are, it transpires, two main types: dispositional optimism and the ‘explanatory style,’” explains journalist Tim Dowling.

“Dispositional optimism can be described as the sense that more good things than bad things will happen in the future; 

“Explanatory or attributional optimism is more concerned with the causes behind good events, and the extent to which we view them as controllable and stable.”

2) Empathetic about the struggles of others

They are understanding about the difficult feelings and struggles of other people in a very real way. 

This leads to more optimism and resilience in the wake of heartbreak and trauma for one simple reason:

Solidarity. 

They know they are not alone. The positive individual rarely feels truly alone and victimized, because he or she is well aware that many others are going through similar struggles. 

Their empathy and care for the struggles of others buoys them up and keeps them in the fight. 

3) Adaptable to change and upheaval

Those who come back from pain and tragedy with optimism have a fundamentally accepting relationship with change. 

They may not like change, but they fully accept it. They’ve made their peace. 

And they adapt to new situations and challenges with ease.

“Being optimistic doesn’t mean you feel ‘happy’ all the time. Instead, it means accepting that both negative and positive feelings are a natural part of life,” point out Leah Morris and Jennifer Mueller, JD.

“When you appreciate all things that happen, it increases your resilience in the face of uncertainty.”

This is the key:

The positive individual knows that pain and sadness are part of life, and they know that changes often hit which are annoying and even heartbreaking. 

But by accepting this reality, they face life as it truly is instead of as an ideal or fantasy. 

4) Hopefulness for future opportunities 

Those who remain optimistic and positive after being hurt have a knack for keeping a hopeful outlook for the future.

Even when the tears are rolling down their cheeks, they don’t let despair take hold. 

Things may look hopeless, and they may feel a real lack of certainty about what to do next:

But they know that life often takes a turn for the better right when it seems like the end of the road. 

They know that the night is often darkest just before dawn. So they keep that small flame of hope alive in their heart. 

5) Grateful for their blessings in life 

Those who stay up when the chips are down are masters of gratitude. 

This isn’t hashtag trend gratitude or trying to show off about being a good person: 

This is them genuinely saying “wow” about the blessings they experience in life. They truly focus on what they have rather than what they’ve lost.

This is something we can all work on.

“Develop a habit of making a note at the end of each day of at least three things that went well,” advises psychologist Sally Law, noting this will “train your brain to notice the good stuff rather than focusing on the not-so-good stuff.”

This is exactly the recipe of deeply positive people:

Their mind and heart are intertwined with their blessings and opportunities, rather than focused on what’s gone wrong or what’s unfair.

6) Forgiveness and letting go of grudges

Grudges and resentment sometimes exist for good reason. But they’re still not worth holding on to. 

While it’s logical and healthy to remember past injustice and pain and avoid it occurring again (especially from people who treat you poorly), holding onto the grudge only weakens you. 

Deciding to move on with your life or cut people out of your life can be healthy:

But holding on to hate or a desire for revenge is rarely the right choice. Instead, it tends to suck up energy and resources you could be using on more worthy and fulfilling endeavors. 

The best form of revenge is success! 

7) Self-awareness and emotional intelligence

Those who stay positive are adept at understanding their own emotions and triggers.

Instead of resisting or repressing their emotions, they understand and work with them. 

“Suppressed emotion can create physical and emotional health problems,” notes psychologist Jason Linder, PsyD.

“Learning to befriend, recognize, identify, and manage your emotions can help you live a better life.”

This is precisely what optimists do:

They love and accept themselves fully and work through self-awareness and introspection to improve their relationship to their feelings and find out what they mean.

8) Patience in the face of delay 

Positive and optimistic people who come back from pain in a powerful way are patient. 

They are patient with the healing process and themselves.

They don’t try to push it or “feel better,” nor do they get angry at delays that they experience in other areas of their life. 

As Morris and Mueller note:

“For example, if you missed your bus this morning, you might note that you got some exercise running to catch the bus, you caught another bus 10 minutes later, and you won’t even remember that this happened a few weeks from now.”

This points to the optimist’s tendency to frame and understand events in a way that’s empowering:

He or she sees what happens as a chance to grow, learn and move forward, rather than as a constant series of unjust slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

9) Humor even during difficult times 

Optimists and perennial survivors find joy and laughter even in difficult times.

Whether they have more of a style of gallows humor or more of a lighthearted style of making quips, they have a way of brightening up a room. 

It’s just their way of surviving and coming back from dark places. 

Other people appreciate this and are drawn to them in turn:

Everybody has hard times and dark periods of their life when they’d do anything to hear a joke that can make them laugh. The person who can provide that can be worth more than a swimming pool full of gold nuggets.

10) Open-mindedness and reframing negatives

Optimists are open to new perspectives and ideas.

When they are hurt and wounded from poor treatment, tragedy and disappointments of the past, they don’t focus on that:

They open themselves to a new way to look at things. They delve into the pain to see if anything beautiful can emerge.

Maybe it’s a song they write or a novel they write while bedridden with an injury. 

They find some silver lining in the cloud, some useful or positive aspect of a situation most others would dismiss as worthless or purely negative.

“The more we consciously reframe scenarios in a positive light, the more we train our brains to fire up circuits in different regions, eventually altering our response to negative experiences,” advises Brianna Steinhilber.