Regret — it’s an emotion that we’ve all experienced at some point in our lives. It usually creeps in when we start reflecting on our past decisions and actions.

But what about those of us who feel a deeper sense of regret? Those who look back at their life and wish they had done things differently?

According to psychology, people who harbor this kind of deep-seated regret often exhibit certain behaviors, even when they’re not consciously aware of it.

And guess what? They’re behaviors that you and I could easily miss, unless we know what to look for.

So, let’s dive into this.

1) They often dwell on the past

When it comes to deep regret, a common tendency is to dwell on the past.

Think about it.

People who regret how their life turned out usually spend a lot of time looking back. They ruminate over past mistakes, missed opportunities, and “what ifs”.

This isn’t just a fleeting thought or a moment of nostalgia. Oh no, this is more like an ongoing playback of past events that they can’t seem to pause.

Psychology tells us that this constant dwelling on the past can lead to feelings of sadness and regret becoming more entrenched.

Metaphorically speaking, it’s like they’re continuously walking backwards, focusing on where they’ve been, instead of where they’re going.

If you notice someone constantly reminiscing about the past with a sense of longing or disappointment, it could be a sign they’re wrestling with deep-seated regret about how their life has turned out.

2) They have a tendency for self-blame

Now here’s an interesting one.

Self-blame is a psychological concept that refers to the tendency of individuals to take personal responsibility for negative events or outcomes.

Sound familiar?

People with deep regrets often display this behavior. They tend to blame themselves for the way their life has turned out, even when external factors played a significant role.

To them, every failure, every missed opportunity, and every disappointment is their fault.

While taking responsibility for one’s actions is generally seen as a positive trait, excessive self-blame can be detrimental. It can lead to feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and yes, you guessed it – regret.

So if you notice someone frequently blaming themselves for things that have gone wrong, it might be indicative of underlying regret about their life’s trajectory.

3) They struggle with decision-making

Interestingly, the self-blame we just talked about can lead to another behavior often displayed by those who regret how their life turned out – indecisiveness.

Can you see the connection?

When people constantly blame themselves for past mistakes, it can seed a fear of making future ones. This fear, in turn, often manifests as a struggle with decision-making.

Think about it. If you believe every wrong turn in your life was due to a poor choice you made, wouldn’t you be wary of making more choices?

This fear of making wrong decisions can paralyze them, leaving them stuck in indecision and missing out on opportunities.

In essence, their regret about past decisions hinders their ability to make future ones.

A cruel irony, isn’t it? It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy of regret.

4) They avoid risk-taking

Ever noticed how some people seem to steer clear of any potential risks?

This behavior is particularly common in those who regret how their life has turned out.

It’s a natural response, really. After all, if you’ve spent a considerable amount of time regretting past mistakes, you’d likely want to avoid making new ones.

And risks? Well, they come with the potential for mistakes, don’t they?

So, people wrestling with regret often play it safe. They stick to what they know and avoid taking chances, even if those chances could lead to significant growth or happiness.

To them, the fear of potential regret outweighs the allure of potential reward. And while this might seem like a safe strategy, it often only leads to further stagnation and, ultimately, more regret.

If you see someone consistently opting for the safer option, even when there’s a clear opportunity for growth or progress, it might be a sign of underlying regret about how their life has turned out.

5) They display signs of dissatisfaction

One of the more obvious behaviors of those who regret how their life turned out is a general sense of dissatisfaction. This can manifest in various ways, and here are a few common ones:

• A lack of enthusiasm or interest in daily activities
• Constantly complaining or venting about their life
• Feeling stuck or trapped in their current situation
• A tendency to compare their life negatively with others’

These behaviors are clear indications of an underlying dissatisfaction with how their life has unfolded.

And this dissatisfaction often stems from regret about past decisions, missed opportunities, and unfulfilled dreams.

6) They often speak of wasted time

We’ve all had moments when we feel like we’ve wasted time.

But for people who regret how their life turned out, this thought isn’t just an occasional visitor. It’s more like a permanent resident.

They often talk about how they’ve “wasted” years of their life on unfulfilling jobs, unsatisfactory relationships, or unproductive habits.

The phrase “if only I had…” becomes a frequent part of their vocabulary.

I believe we can all agree that it’s one thing to acknowledge wasted time and strive to make better use of it moving forward. However, it’s another thing altogether to continuously dwell on it.

If you notice someone frequently talking about wasted time and missed opportunities, it’s likely they’re grappling with regret about how their life has turned out.

Instead of using this realization as a springboard for change, they’re allowing it to pull them further into the whirlpool of regret.

7) They exhibit signs of jealousy

Imagine this scenario: You’re at a social gathering, and your friend can’t seem to stop talking about how amazing their coworker’s life is.

They’re constantly comparing themselves to others, particularly those who seem to have the life they wish they had. They ask questions like, “Why can’t my life be like that?” or “Why do they always get the good stuff?”

This behavior is not uncommon in people who regret how their life turned out.

Jealousy, in this context, isn’t just about wanting what others have. It’s about wishing they had made different choices that could have led them down a similar path.

If you notice this kind of comparison and jealousy, it might be a sign that they regret the way their life has unfolded and wish they had taken a different route.

8) They struggle with letting go

People who regret how their life turned out often find it incredibly difficult to let go of past mistakes, missed opportunities, or even people.

I had a friend who held onto a failed relationship for years, unable to accept that it was over and move on. She was filled with regret about how things had ended and what she could have done differently.

This inability to let go kept her trapped in the past, preventing her from opening up to new possibilities and experiences. It was as if she was living in a time loop, constantly replaying the same regret-filled memories.

This struggle with letting go is a common trait among those who harbor deep-seated regrets about their life. It’s like they’re stuck in a rut, unable to move forward because they’re so tightly bound to their past.

So if you notice someone holding onto the past with a vice-like grip, it could be a sign of underlying regret about how their life has turned out.

9) They often express a desire for a ‘do-over’

Finally, one of the most telling signs of someone who regrets how their life turned out is their frequent expression of the desire for a ‘do-over’.

They often talk about how they wish they could go back in time and make different decisions. They fantasize about what their life could have been if they had taken a different path, made a different choice, or seized a missed opportunity.

But here’s the thing – life doesn’t come with a rewind button.

This longing for a ‘do-over’ is not just a sign of regret, but a clear indication that they haven’t come to terms with their past.

It shows that they’re still living in what ‘could have been’ rather than accepting what ‘is’ and working towards what ‘could be’.

What can you do if you identify these behaviors?

Recognizing these behaviors in yourself or someone else can be a hard pill to swallow. But it’s also the first step towards change.

So, what can you do if you identify these behaviors in yourself? Here are a few suggestions:

• Practice self-compassion: Understand that everyone makes mistakes and has regrets. It’s part of being human.
• Seek professional help: A therapist or counselor can provide tools and strategies to help navigate feelings of regret and move towards acceptance.
• Focus on the present: Instead of dwelling on past mistakes, focus on what you can do now to create a future you’d be proud of.

As we wrap up, take a moment to reflect.

If you’ve identified with any of these behaviors, know that it’s never too late to change.

Life doesn’t come with a rewind button, true, but every new day brings the opportunity to make better choices and live a life free of regret.