The difference between genuinely nice people and those who only pretend to be is all about authenticity. It’s one thing to be nice on the surface, but another thing entirely to genuinely mean it.

Those who only pretend to be nice often exhibit certain subtle behaviors that give them away. It’s not always easy to spot, but once you know what to look for, you’ll be able to tell the difference.

In this article, we’re going to delve into these 10 telltale signs. So buckle up and get ready, because by the end of this, you’ll be a pro at spotting those who only pretend to be nice.

1) Overly sweet demeanor

A common trait among people who pretend to be nice is that they tend to overdo it.

They’ll often be overly sweet, constantly smiling and complimenting you. While it may feel nice at first, over time it can start to feel a bit off.

Genuinely nice people are of course pleasant and kind, but they’re also real. They’ll have bad days, they’ll get annoyed, they’ll be genuine in their interactions.

On the other hand, those who are pretending to be nice will keep up their overly sweet demeanor no matter what. It’s like they’re playing a role, and it never feels quite authentic.

When you come across someone who’s always overly sweet, take a moment to wonder if it’s genuine or just a facade.

2) They’re always agreeable

I’ve noticed that another habit these pretenders often have is never disagreeing. They always seem to go along with what everyone else is saying, never voicing their own opinions or showing any signs of disagreement.

For example, I once had a friend who would always agree with everything I said. Even when I knew she had different opinions or preferences, she would never voice them. She’d just smile and nod, never standing up for what she truly believed in.

Over time, it became clear that she was only pretending to be nice and agreeable, because she thought it would make her more likeable. However, it only made her seem less genuine and trustworthy.

Truly nice people are not afraid to express their opinions respectfully and stand their ground when necessary. So if someone is always agreeable, they might just be pretending to be nice.

3) They gossip a lot

Gossip can be a common trait among those who pretend to be nice. They might seem friendly to your face, but as soon as you turn your back, they start talking about you.

Gossiping is a way for these people to feel superior and in control. It’s also a way for them to bond with others, even if it’s at someone else’s expense.

Interestingly, research from the University of California, Berkeley found that gossip can actually lower stress and prevent exploitation. However, this doesn’t mean it’s a behavior of genuinely nice individuals. Kind-hearted people prefer to spread positivity, not negativity about others behind their backs.

If you notice a person who gossips excessively, they might not be as nice as they appear to be.

4) They’re often insincere

Insincerity is a major red flag when it comes to people pretending to be nice. They might shower you with compliments, but if you pay close attention, you’ll start noticing that their words often feel empty and disingenuous.

Insincere people often give compliments that are vague or generic. It’s as if they’re reading from a script rather than speaking from the heart.

Conversely, genuinely nice people will often offer specific and thoughtful compliments. They take the time to observe and appreciate the unique qualities in others.

If you notice someone frequently offering empty praises, it could be a sign that they’re not as nice as they seem.

5) They’re always in a rush

Ever noticed how some people always seem to be in a rush? They’ll be nice enough, but they constantly seem to be looking over your shoulder, or checking their watch, as if they have somewhere better to be.

This rushed demeanor isn’t a characteristic of genuinely nice people. True kindness involves being present, showing interest and giving others your time and attention.

Those pretending to be nice might make an appearance of being friendly, but their constant hurry gives them away. It shows that they don’t really value your time or company.

6) They lack empathy

At the heart of true kindness is empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

People who pretend to be nice often lack this crucial trait. They may feign concern or sympathy, but when it comes down to it, they fail to show genuine understanding or compassion.

This lack of empathy can be especially hurtful during tough times when you need support the most. Instead of offering comfort, they might brush off your feelings or even use your vulnerability against you.

Always remember, a truly nice person feels with you. They share your joys, your sorrows, and walk with you through life’s ups and downs.

7) They use guilt as a weapon

There was a time in my life where I had a close friend who had a knack for making me feel guilty. If I couldn’t make it to a get-together or disagreed with her on something, she would somehow twist it to make me feel like the bad guy.

This is a common tactic among people who pretend to be nice. They use guilt as a weapon to manipulate others into doing what they want. Instead of respecting boundaries and understanding, they make you feel obligated and guilty.

Genuinely nice people, on the other hand, respect your decisions and your boundaries. They understand that you have your own life and that you can’t always do what they want.

8) They’re too eager to help

You might think that someone who’s always ready to lend a hand is definitely a nice person. However, this isn’t always the case.

People who pretend to be nice can sometimes be too eager to help. They’ll jump at any opportunity to assist, even when it’s not really needed or asked for. It’s like they’re trying too hard to prove how ‘nice’ they are.

Genuinely nice people, on the other hand, offer help when it’s needed and appropriate. They understand that sometimes, the best way to help someone is to let them figure things out on their own.

9) They’re selective with their niceness

If you’ve ever noticed someone being incredibly nice to certain people but completely indifferent or even rude to others, this could be a sign they’re not genuinely nice.

People who pretend to be nice often use their kindness as a tool. They’ll turn it on when they want something from someone or when they’re trying to make a good impression. But when they don’t need anything, their true colors show.

Genuinely nice people, on the other hand, are kind to everyone, not just those who can benefit them. They treat everyone with respect and kindness, regardless of who they are or what they can offer.

10) They don’t respect boundaries

Perhaps the most telling sign of all is a lack of respect for personal boundaries. People who pretend to be nice often overstep these boundaries in their attempt to appear friendly and caring.

They might invade your personal space, share too much information, or insist on helping you even when you’ve made it clear you don’t need or want their assistance.

Genuinely nice people understand and respect the concept of personal space and boundaries. They listen when you express your needs and preferences, and they respect your decisions without trying to push their own agenda.

Final thoughts: It’s all about authenticity

At the end of the day, genuine niceness stems from authenticity. It’s about being true to oneself and showing kindness and respect to others without any ulterior motives.

Remember, nobody’s perfect. We all have our good days and bad days. Genuinely nice people will embrace this reality and won’t feel the need to put on a constant show of niceness.

The philosopher Immanuel Kant once said, “He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.” This quote emphasizes that genuine kindness extends to all beings, not just to those from whom we have something to gain.

So, as you navigate through your interactions with people, remain vigilant for these signs of faux niceness. But more importantly, strive to cultivate your own authentic kindness, for that is the most rewarding path.