Is there really anything worse than the blatant deception that lies behind fake niceness? 

People who pretend to be nice often do it as a way to manipulate the people around them – pretty awful, right? 

Nobody wants to become a victim of someone who is just being nice to manipulate them. When people take advantage of your trusting nature, it can lead you to be overly skeptical of people in the future. 

The best medicine in cases like this is prevention. But to do that, you need to be able to identify when someone is being “fake nice.”

Keep an eye out for these warning signs. 

1) Excessive flattery

We all enjoy a compliment or two, but have you ever noticed someone who seems to shower you with praise a little too often?

This can be a subtle sign of manipulative behavior.

And you know what?

Flattery really works – even when it’s insincere!

People who pretend to be kind but are actually manipulative typically use excessive flattery to win your trust and favor. It’s their way of making you feel special and unique, thus lowering your defenses.

By making you feel good about yourself, they subtly create a sense of indebtedness. You’re more likely to go along with their requests because you don’t want to disappoint someone who thinks so highly of you.

Genuine kindness doesn’t require payback. So next time when someone starts laying it on thick with compliments, take a moment to question their motives.

2) They always play the victim

Another behavior often exhibited by manipulative people is their tendency to play the victim. They seem to always be facing some crisis or hardship, and they aren’t shy about sharing it.

I had a friend who was constantly in some sort of trouble. It seemed like every time we talked, she had a new problem that she needed help with.

And being the good friend I thought I was, I always rushed in to help her.

But over time, I realized that she never seemed to take responsibility for her own actions. It was always someone else’s fault. And more often than not, her problems were self-inflicted due to poor decisions on her part.

And that’s when it hit me – she was playing the victim to manipulate me into feeling sorry for her. This made it easier for her to get what she wanted without having to ask for it directly.

Playing the victim is a clever way for manipulative people to exploit others’ empathy and kindness.

Be cautious with those who seem to be perpetually surrounded by drama and chaos.

3) They guilt trip you

Manipulative people have a knack for making you feel guilty, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

They can turn any situation around to seem like it’s your fault, and you find yourself apologizing when you shouldn’t need to.

Psychologically speaking, guilt is a powerful emotion. It’s deeply ingrained in us from a young age as a way to learn social norms and rules. Manipulators know this and use it to their advantage.

For instance, they may say things like “I thought you cared about me” or “After all I’ve done for you” to make you feel obligated to do what they want.

These guilt trips are a clear sign of manipulation. True kindness doesn’t involve guilt or obligation.

When you find yourself feeling guilty for no good reason, take a step back and reconsider the situation.

4) They use emotional blackmail

Manipulative people are experts at emotional blackmail. This is a tactic where they use your feelings against you in order to get what they want.

For example, they might threaten to end the relationship or withhold affection if you don’t comply with their wishes. They create a sense of fear and obligation, making you feel like you have no choice but to do what they want.

This is a clear sign of manipulation, as it’s not about mutual respect or understanding. Instead, it’s about control and power.

If you notice someone regularly using emotional blackmail, it’s important to recognize it for what it is – manipulation – and stand up for yourself. Healthy relationships involve negotiation and compromise, not threats and ultimatums.

5) They’re never wrong

I once knew a person who could never admit when they were wrong. No matter the situation or how clear the evidence was, they had an excuse or a way to deflect blame onto others.

This is a common trait among manipulative people. They maintain their control by never accepting fault and by making others feel like they are the problem.

It’s worth noting that this isn’t about being perfect, but about refusing to take responsibility for mistakes or missteps. By always being ‘right’, they keep you off balance, questioning yourself and your judgments.

This relentless need to be right is a form of manipulation and a red flag that you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

6) They’re overly controlling

A manipulative person often feels the need to control every situation. They want to dictate what you do, who you interact with, and even what you think.

They disguise this control as concern or care for your well-being. Phrases like “I’m just looking out for you” or “You’re too naive” are commonly used to justify their controlling behavior.

It’s important to remember that this is not genuine care or concern. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to keep you under their influence.

A kind person respects your autonomy and encourages your independence. So be wary of those who are overly controlling, as it’s a clear sign of manipulation.

7) They’re always taking and rarely giving

At the heart of manipulative behavior is a lack of balanced reciprocity. Manipulative people are often takers rather than givers.

They’re happy to accept your help, support, or resources, but rarely return the favor when you’re in need.

They may disguise this by expressing excessive gratitude or promising to repay you in the future, but these promises often go unfulfilled.

If you find that your relationship with someone is primarily one-sided, it’s a strong indicator of manipulation. 

Awareness is key

The deception behind fake niceness can be more harmful than it initially appears.

People who pretend to be kind often use this facade to manipulate those around them, taking advantage of others’ trusting nature.

This can leave a lasting impact, making you more cautious and skeptical in future interactions.

Recognizing the signs of manipulation—whether it’s excessive flattery, guilt trips, or controlling behavior—is crucial in protecting yourself.

True kindness comes without strings attached.