People who overcompensate for low self-confidence often display these 10 behaviors

Leila El-Dean by Leila El-Dean | September 25, 2024, 5:44 pm

We all have our good and our bad days. But for many, self-confidence is an uphill battle. 

A (seemingly) never-ending feeling that can manifest itself as, what psychologists call, an inferiority complex.

But here’s the thing. 

The human psyche can be tricky. 

And while low self-confidence may force some to spiral, shrivel up, and hide under the covers. For others, it’s a whole different story. 

I’m talking about overcompensating here. 

So, how can you tell when someone’s trying to disguise their deepest and darkest insecurities?

Well, people who overcompensate for low self-confidence often display these 10 behaviors.

Let’s get stuck in…

1) They regularly put others down

Name-calling, belittling, snarky comments, and unsolicited insults…

They’ll do anything and everything to make others feel bad, so they can feel superior.  

It’s like you’ve got a target on your back and you’re not sure why. 

The thing is…

It’s all a diversion tactic! 

A (not-so-subtle) way to hide their own insecurities and weaknesses by pointing out yours. Because deep down, they’re actually lacking self-confidence

Take my friend Larry, for example (not his real name). 

He’s short. Not especially tiny, but smaller than the average man, and he’s hyper-aware of it. 

But, as a way to deflect attention from himself, he overcompensates by being unduly aggressive and domineering.  

Some might say, he has a Napoleon complex (or short man syndrome). 

However, this macho “tough guy” act isn’t fooling anyone. It’s just plain mean.

2) They always have an excuse

We all have that one friend. You know who I mean. 

They’re always late, unreliable, and (if we’re being honest) a total flake. 

But here’s the kicker – it’s never their fault! 

They usually have an excuse, a person to blame, or a “justifiable” reason why they made a mistake. 

Perhaps they even get defensive or hostile when their abilities or actions are questioned.

Well, this is another case of overcompensating for their lack of self-confidence

But instead of getting angry or aggressive, they make every rationalization under the sun to avoid accountability and fessing up to their shortcomings. 

Not only that…

But they likely procrastinate to protect themselves (and their fragile self-esteem) from failure.

And with it, avoid showing any form of vulnerability. Fearing it will undermine their image of competence.

It’s a vicious cycle of self-sabotage, avoidance, and delusion.  

3) They are “that guy” (or gal)

When people lack confidence, they often seek reassurance to alleviate their nagging self-doubt. 

This need for validation can present itself in numerous ways. 

For instance…

Perhaps they struggle to make decisions, fish for compliments, or constantly complain about the “many problems” in their life. 

But not always…

When someone is trying to overcompensate for low confidence, they try to be the center of attention

You know the type. 

Yeah, they’re “that guy” (or gal).

They regularly dominate conversations, one-up others, and make everything about them – any chance they get. 

It’s the opposite of what you’d expect. 

But it’s all a charade. 

This attention-seeking and assertive behavior is their way of appearing confident. Essentially, they adopt a “fake it till you make it” attitude. 

And when they can’t do it in person…

4) They brag (and overshare) on social media

We’re all guilty of sharing a little too much on social media – even if it’s only “the good stuff.”

But this person has spent years crafting their online persona. In fact, their feed is so perfectly curated it should be considered an art piece.

Expensive watches, luxury cars, exotic holidays, and designer clothes…

They paint the picture-perfect life, but it’s almost too good to be true. 

And that’s because it is!

People with low self-confidence often overcompensate by constantly boasting about their achievements, possessions, or abilities. Both on or offline. 

What’s more, they’re more likely to engage in attention-seeking through dramatic actions, flashy clothing, or extreme behaviors as a way to compensate for feelings of inadequacy.

But it’s only a matter of time before others start to see the cracks in their embellished life story.

5) They have a flashy car

Okay, okay, so it doesn’t have to be a car. 

But you get the idea.

They place too much value on material possessions and wealth. 

In fact, the amount of stuff they own and their self-worth is strongly tied. So much so, that it provides them with validation and a false sense of confidence.

Simply put, they’re extremely materialistic. 

And without the latest Yeezys, Birkin bag, or Games console, they’re left with nothing to hide behind. 

Ultimately, all that “stuff” defines them and becomes their entire identity. 

More than that, it’s their security blanket.

6) They can’t help but judge others

Humans can’t help but compare themselves to other people. 

It’s in our nature

You know, things like intelligence, attractiveness, and success. 

For most, it provides motivation and the drive to be better. But when you have low self-confidence, it can become an obsession. 

And for those who try to overcompensate, it can turn malicious and spiteful. 

By that I mean, they get overly judgemental of others. 

That’s right. 

They engage in (or instigate) idle gossip and hearsay. It makes them feel better about their own imperfections. 

But their attempt to level the playing field only makes them look petty. Moreover, it’s the furthest thing from confident behavior.

As President Theodore Roosevelt famously once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

7) They take people-pleasing to a whole new level

You know the old saying “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar”?

Well, another way people overcompensate is by being overly nice, generous, and agreeable. 

In other words, they’re a people-pleaser.

Think about it…

When people have low confidence or self-esteem, they often fear rejection. 

As a result, they put other people’s needs before their own. 

For example…

They may shower you with compliments, gifts, money, or attention. 

What’s more, they can’t say “no.”

But going the extra mile comes at a personal cost

And studies show it’s something they may later regret, with this type of behavior typically leading to further confidence problems down the line. 

8) They are known for that “one thing” (and only that thing)

Do you know someone who’s an overachiever? 

They constantly push themselves to be “the best.” Especially when it comes to that one thing! 

It’s like they have a one-track mind.

Let’s say they love cycling. 

They spend hours honing their skills to the point of obsession (or perfectionism). 

They constantly talk about cycling (or bicycles), watch cycling on television, and dress in a way that lets everyone know  “Hey, I love cycling.” 

It becomes their whole personality. 

What’s more, they’re extremely competitive, setting themselves unrealistic and unachievable goals.

Here’s the thing.

When people have low self-confidence, they may overachieve in one area to make up for (their perceived) weaknesses in others and prove their worth. 

It’s a defense mechanism

A way to cope with feeling inferior

Another reason might to be draw attention away from their dysfunctional family life or personal issues. 

For instance, they may throw themselves into work to regain control or avoid their relationship problems at home. 

But all they’re doing is setting themselves up for failure – the one thing they fear the most.

9) They love to meddle

Ever have a neighbor that can’t stop meddling in your affairs?

They’re a real curtain twitcher.

Constantly looking over your shoulder or hiding behind a bush waiting for you to slip up, all so that they can call you out and make a scene.

They’re worse than a meter maid (or your haughty HOA).

The stress alone has you walking on eggshells and questioning your every move. 

Well, this extreme interest in your life probably has nothing to do with you. Instead, it’s all about them and their lack of self-confidence. 

Call it paranoia or megalomania but all that energy in your life is a distraction from their own. 

10) They are always busy

Life can be hectic (for all of us).

But there’s always that ONE person who’s seemingly to be busier than the rest of us. 

At least that’s what they’d have you believe. 

They repeatedly tell anyone and everyone (who’ll listen) how rushed off their feet they are. 

Perhaps they loudly proclaim that they have to check their schedule before confirming their availability to show off how “in demand” they are. 

All while complaining about how tired and worn out they are. 

It’s exhausting just listening to all the things they have to do – never mind having to do it. 

Sound familiar?

The thing is, it’s all an act. Or at the very least, an exaggeration. 

And when you put everything down on paper, it’s really not all that much work at all. 

The reason?

Well, they want to give the impression that they’re more important than they actually are. 

Because deep down, they feel inferior

The truth is, that when people lack self-confidence, they find ways to avoid confronting the truth. 

They’re protecting themselves, even if that means overcompensating or pushing people away. 

But they’re just lying to themselves. 

The problem is, that this kind of behavior only makes matters worse for them. The likely outcome is isolation, something which can further deflate their confidence. 

Ultimately, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.