Texting is a two-way street, but some people treat it like a one-way ticket to getting what they want.

If someone only responds when they need something, they’re likely to show other habits, like dismissing your questions, keeping responses brief, or avoiding meaningful engagement altogether.

Psychology, however, can shed some light on this behavior. 

In this article, we’ll dive into those tell-tale signs.

This way, the next time your phone buzzes, you’ll have a better idea of what’s really going on.

1) Convenience communication

We’ve all experienced this. That one person who only remembers you when they need something.

Psychology has a term for this: convenience communication.

This is a pattern where someone only reaches out when it’s beneficial for them.

This could be when they need a favor, some information, or even just emotional support.

Convenience communicators treat relationships like transactions, only investing their time and energy when there’s an immediate reward in sight.

It’s frustrating to be on the receiving end of this behavior, but understanding it can help you manage your expectations and navigate these interactions more effectively.

2) Long periods of silence

Another common trait I’ve personally noticed with people who only text when they need something is the long periods of silence between interactions.

I had a friend, let’s call her Jane. Jane would disappear for weeks, sometimes even months.

Then, out of the blue, I’d get a message from her.

It was rarely a casual “how are you doing?” Instead, it was often a request for help or information.

This inconsistent communication made me feel more like a resource than a friend.

It was as if our relationship was put on pause until she needed something from me.

Extended silence followed by sudden requests can be a clear sign of someone who only reaches out when they need something. 

3) Lack of reciprocity

In healthy relationships, there’s a give and take.

It’s not always equal, but there’s a sense of balance over time.

However, when dealing with people who only text when they need something, this balance is often skewed.

According to psychology, reciprocity is a fundamental principle of human relationships.

We feel compelled to return favors, kindness, and support.

But in these situations, this principle seems to be missing.

The person might rarely offer assistance or support when you are in need but are quick to seek your help when they require it.

This lack of reciprocation can make the relationship feel one-sided and unsatisfying.

4) Generalized requests

Have you ever received a text that seems to be designed for mass distribution?

Like a simple “Hey, can anyone help me with this?”

It’s impersonal and suggests that the sender didn’t think specifically of you, but rather sent out a blanket request to their contact list.

This is another common behavior of people who only text when they need something.

They might not take the time to personalize their messages, or even check in on how you’re doing.

You’re just one of many they’re reaching out to, hoping someone will respond.

It can feel a bit disheartening, but understanding this behavior can help you better manage your responses and expectations.

Just remember, everyone deserves to have relationships that make them feel valued and respected.

5) Minimal small talk

Small talk may seem trivial, but it’s a crucial part of building and maintaining relationships.

It’s the glue that holds casual conversations together and keeps people connected.

However, people who only text when they need something often skip this social nicety.

Their messages typically get straight to the point, focusing on their needs or requests.

They rarely ask about your day or show interest in your life, unless it somehow relates to what they want.

This lack of casual conversation can feel abrupt and impersonal.

But recognizing this behavior can help you understand the dynamics at play, allowing you to respond appropriately and maintain your personal boundaries.

6) Absence during tough times

One of the most telling signs of a person who only texts when they need something is their absence during your tough times.

It’s during the challenging periods in our lives when we truly see who’s there for us.

True friends reach out, lend a helping hand, or simply offer a shoulder to lean on.

However, people who only text when they need something often go silent during these times.

It’s a tough realization to come to, but an important one. Relationships should offer mutual support and understanding.

If you find yourself always being the giver, it might be time to reconsider the balance of these relationships. 

7) Shallow conversations

I’ll never forget an interaction I had with an old acquaintance.

Every time we spoke, our conversations only skimmed the surface.

He never seemed interested in going beyond simple pleasantries, unless he needed something.

One day, I decided to test the waters. I shared a personal struggle I was going through, hoping to deepen our connection.

His response? He quickly steered the conversation back to his needs.

This lack of depth in our conversations was a clear sign.

People who only text when they need something often avoid getting too personal unless it serves their purpose.

They keep conversations superficial, focusing on their needs without showing genuine interest in you as a person.

8) Ignoring your needs

When you’re dealing with someone who only texts when they need something, you might notice that your needs and feelings are often overlooked or disregarded.

For instance, you might share something important or personal with them, only for them to breeze past it and bring the focus back to their needs.

Or they may ignore your messages until they need something from you.

This lack of empathy or consideration can be hurtful and frustrating.

But understanding this behavior can help you set boundaries and protect your emotional well-being. 

9) Lack of gratitude

Perhaps the most glaring sign of someone who only texts when they need something is a lack of genuine gratitude.

When you help them out, their thanks may seem insincere or non-existent.

Expressing gratitude is a fundamental part of human relationships.

It acknowledges the effort someone has put in to assist you and strengthens the bond between people.

When this appreciation is absent, it can make you feel used and undervalued. Your time, energy, and kindness are precious.

You deserve to be appreciated for your efforts and to be a part of relationships that are both give and take.

Final thoughts

At the end of the day, human behavior is complex and deeply rooted in our personal experiences, emotions, and sometimes even our survival instincts.

Those who only text when they need something might not necessarily be manipulative or selfish.

They could be struggling with their own issues or simply not understand the impact of their actions on others.

It’s not about excusing such behavior, rather it’s about understanding it.

This understanding allows us to set boundaries, protect our emotional well-being, and make informed decisions about our relationships.

Reflect on these behaviors not just in others, but also in ourselves. Are we inadvertently treating someone as a convenience? Are we giving as much as we’re taking?

Every interaction is an opportunity for growth and understanding.

And every relationship, no matter how challenging, has the potential to teach us something valuable about ourselves and others.