Almost every person alive has said the wrong thing at one point or another.

You may have blurted out something you should have kept secret, said something insensitive that wounded your friend, or accidentally hurt your partner during an argument.

We’ve all been there.

However, it is one thing to make a genuine mistake and it is another to learn from it. And unfortunately, there are people out there who have failed to do the latter.

In other words, they never think before they speak. And they usually share these 7 unique personality traits.

1) They struggle with emotional self-regulation

 Emotional self-regulation is the ability to have control over your emotions and reactions so that your behavior is authentic as well as socially appropriate.

When you’re furious, you won’t punch a hole in the wall.

When you’re scared, you won’t run around and scream for half an hour straight.

Thanks to emotional self-regulation, you are the one in control of your feelings, not the other way around.

However, those of us who don’t think before they speak often struggle to regulate their feelings, which is why they tend to blurt out their thoughts exactly as they come up.

I used to have a friend who would use her words as weapons every time she got angry. She would poke at my insecurities, send me to hell, and throw tantrums.

The moment she calmed down, she would say, “I didn’t mean what I said. I was just mad, that’s all.”

But feeling angry is no excuse for how we treat others. On the contrary, displaying our inability to keep hold of our emotions is a sign of emotional immaturity and low self-awareness.

Just because you’re mad doesn’t mean you can act on it in a way that is harmful to others.

Luckily, it is possible to learn how to regulate one’s emotions.

2) They find it difficult to recognize what’s socially appropriate

Of course, some people are just a bit out of the loop when it comes to social norms and conventions.

They might bring up personal stuff in a business meeting or speak in a lingo that is not suited to the situation at hand without realizing that their behavior comes across as a bit inappropriate or blunt.

It’s also possible that they don’t really have a filter because they value honesty above all else – to their detriment.

See, honesty isn’t always the best course of action.

Not when it’s blunt or “brutal”, anyway. If you have high people skills and know your way with words, you will almost always find a way to say what you mean in a gentle and kind language.

Again, it is not outside the realm of possibility to improve one’s social skills and apply a filter over what you say.

Psychologist Ronald E. Riggio PhD recommends that you:

• Become a people-watcher (observe others and learn from their behavior)
• Work on your conversational skills (try to strike up conversations with strangers and aim to make the conversation interesting and pleasant for both parties)
• Take an acting or improvisation class (playing a role can help us improve our emotional and social intelligence)

3) They don’t have a way with words

Another trait that people who never think before they speak share is that they struggle to express themselves on a linguistic level.

Imagine you and your partner are having an argument. You’re very upset, but there are so many emotions whirling inside your body that it’s hard to put them into words, and so you just blurt out whatever you think.

Since your rhetoric skills aren’t great, your language may fail to encapsulate what you truly feel. Before you know it, your partner is even more upset than before and you’re riddled with feelings of guilt and confusion.

As someone who is much better at written than oral expression and who grew up not knowing a word of English, I know how it feels to lead a constant battle with one’s own language skills.

My number one tip for such situations is to establish some space between your thoughts and your words. Tell your partner that it takes you some time to formulate how you feel, and then… slow down.

You don’t need to sort through conflicts at the speed of light. You can take your time before you speak.

4) They make rash decisions

Some very interesting research has found that making decisions in a less familiar language leads to more rational and less emotional outcomes.

To illustrate the point, if your first language is English and your second language is German, you might make more practical and less emotionally charged decisions in German.

This shows just how interconnected decision-making and language are.

If someone speaks before they can stop themselves, it may be because they tend to make very quick and snap decisions instead of taking their sweet time weighing the pros and cons.

Of course, you can’t just stand there and think about the next sentence you’re about to say for two minutes. Luckily, you don’t have to – the brain is an extremely fast machine, so a very short lag could do the trick.

Try to be more mindful of what you’re about to say. If you feel like your words could potentially be too harsh or socially inappropriate, it’s best to phrase your opinion differently or keep quiet for the time being.

5) They don’t realize that words have weight

The truth of the matter is that some people simply don’t recognize just how important their words are.

They use them flippantly, throwing them about like confetti, without realizing that their words absolutely do matter and absolutely do make a difference.

I used to be a huge blabbermouth. I would talk and talk and talk some more, saying this and that without a care in the world.

After some time, I realized that this behavior led me to overshare details of my life I would have rather kept to myself, present myself in a way that wasn’t dignified, and say embarrassing things I would later regret.

Since then, I’ve been paying much more attention to what I say in which contexts. And I’m no longer riddled with anxiety and guilt after a few glasses of wine with an acquaintance.

6) They don’t place themselves in other people’s shoes

Empathy is absolutely vital when it comes to communicating in a respectful and socially appropriate way.

If you can’t place yourself in another person’s shoes, it becomes difficult to imagine the impact your words can have on others, which in turn makes it easier to say something insensitive.

Every time you’re about to give your friend some negative feedback or consult them on a vulnerable matter, ask yourself, “How would I feel in this situation?”

Not only that but it’s also important to take the specific person’s traits into consideration.

Some of us are more sensitive than others, and while one friend may need a bit of blunt honesty, another one will benefit from kind and encouraging communication.

If you’re still lost, don’t worry – oftentimes, it’s enough to ask the person you’re talking to what it is they need. 

Would they like practical advice? Emotional support? Distraction? An in-depth conversation about the topic at hand? Space?

Don’t be afraid to ask. And if you’re about to say something you’re not quite sure about, feel free to add:

• “I hope I’m not being too blunt…”
• “Tell me if I’m overstepping here…”
• “Tell me if I’m wrong…”

7) They don’t self-reflect often enough

Finally, self-awareness is crucial when it comes to communication. It’s what helps us learn from our mistakes, reflect on our weaknesses, and apologize when necessary.

People who never think before they speak may struggle in that department, which is why they continue to say insensitive things or blurt out exactly what they think ­– they don’t stop to think about their behavior in depth and attempt to change it.

Fortunately, even self-awareness can be taught.

That’s the beauty of emotional intelligence – it isn’t just a talent some people are born with. 

It’s a set of skills that can be practised, integrated, and improved.