Ever feel like you were always the last pick for the team in gym class or the last one to be called on when the family planned outings?

It’s tough feeling like you’re not the priority, especially as a kid. Growing up with that feeling can really leave its mark, shaping how we see ourselves and the world as adults.

If you’ve ever wondered why you react a certain way or why certain feelings keep bubbling up, you’re not alone.

In this piece, we’re diving into seven common traits that often develop in people who felt sidelined during their childhood.

Hopefully, they can help you navigate your life with a little more self-compassion and a lot more insight.

Let’s get started. 

1) They become self-reliant

Independence is a tricky thing.

It can be liberating, freeing you from the constraints of having to rely on others.

But it can also be isolating, leaving you feeling alone in a world that seems too big to handle.

For those who never felt like a priority growing up, independence isn’t just a choice – it’s a necessity. They learn early on that they can’t always count on others to meet their needs or validate their worth.

They adapt. They learn to fend for themselves and find value in their own accomplishments.

This self-reliance often follows them into adulthood, shaping them into individuals who are capable and resilient, able to weather life’s storms on their own.

It’s a tough road to walk, but it’s one that they’ve learned to navigate with grace and determination.

2) They’re often over-achievers

Research has found a link between perfectionism and adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), which include trauma, neglect, abuse, and family dysfunction.

I’ve seen this firsthand in myself. Growing up, I never really felt like I was a top priority. I was the middle child, always feeling invisible in the midst of my siblings’ accomplishments and demands.

So, I did what seemed logical at the time: I pushed myself harder. I studied longer hours, took on more extracurricular activities, and aimed for top grades in every class.

In my mind, achieving more meant being seen and valued more.

I’ve carried this trait into adulthood, constantly pushing myself to excel in all areas of life.

It’s a double-edged sword though – while it has led me to some great achievements, it also often leaves me feeling exhausted and never quite satisfied.

3) They lean towards introversion

Socializing is a fundamental part of our lives. It’s how we form connections, share experiences, and learn from one another.

But what if I told you that those who never felt prioritized as kids often grow up to be more introverted?

It’s not that they dislike people or social interactions. Rather, because of their upbringing, they’ve learned to find comfort and solace within their own company, often preferring it over large social gatherings.

Introverts are often perceived as shy or aloof, but the reality is they’re just more selective about their social interactions. They prefer deeper, more meaningful connections over casual small talk.

And while they may not be the life of the party, their ability to listen and connect on a deeper level makes them invaluable friends and confidants.

4) They value authenticity

Trust is a precious commodity. And for those who grew up feeling like they weren’t a priority, trust becomes all the more significant.

They’ve experienced the pain of feeling overlooked, of feeling like they weren’t worth someone’s time or attention.

As such, they tend to place a high value on authenticity in their relationships. They crave genuine connections, ones where they can be their true selves without fear of judgment or rejection.

They’re not interested in superficial friendships or relationships based on convenience. They want to know that the people in their lives are there because they truly care, not because they want something in return.

5) They are often resilient

I remember when I was younger, feeling like I was always on the sidelines, watching as others took center stage. It was tough, I won’t lie.

But looking back now, I realize that those experiences shaped me into the person I am today. They taught me how to be resilient.

Resilience is that inner strength that allows us to bounce back from adversity, to keep going even when things get tough.

And let me tell you, it’s been an invaluable trait in my life.

The truth is, those who never felt prioritized growing up often develop a level of resilience that’s truly admirable.

They’ve faced challenges and disappointments, but instead of letting those experiences break them, they use them as stepping stones to become stronger.

It’s not an easy path to walk, but it’s one that leads to growth and resilience. And in my opinion, that’s something worth celebrating.

6) They tend to be generous

Generosity is often associated with giving, whether it’s time, resources, or attention.

Surprisingly, those who felt least prioritized growing up often turn out to be the most generous. 

It makes sense when you think about it. These individuals know what it feels like to be overlooked, to feel undervalued.

As a result, they are often the first to lend a listening ear, to offer a helping hand, or to give their time to someone in need.

They understand the importance of making others feel seen and heard, because they’ve experienced what it’s like not to be.

So while they may have felt neglected in the past, they’re often the ones ensuring others don’t feel the same way. It’s a beautiful twist of fate, don’t you think?

7) They often struggle with self-worth

Growing up without feeling like a priority can leave scars that last into adulthood, and one of the most common is struggling with self-worth.

Studies show that being neglected results in lower self-esteem. So it’s a common scenario that these individuals often question their value, their deservingness of love and attention.

They might constantly feel the need to prove themselves or may suffer from imposter syndrome, feeling like they’re not as competent as others perceive them to be.

It’s a tough struggle, one that requires constant work to overcome. However, recognizing this struggle is the first step towards healing and building a healthier self-image.

And remember, everyone’s worth is inherent – it doesn’t need to be earned or proven. It just is.

Final thoughts

I hope you’ve gained a deeper understanding of how feeling undervalued in childhood can shape a person’s character traits later in life.

These traits may have been born out of a place of hardship, but they represent the power of the human spirit to adapt and thrive.

You may not have felt like a priority growing up, but that has given you a unique perspective on life. And it has given you a depth of understanding and compassion that’s truly special.

So if you recognize some of these traits in yourself or others, remember to view them not as shortcomings, but as testaments to strength and resilience.

And know that, despite past experiences, we all have the capacity for growth, change, and self-improvement.

After all, it’s not just about where we’ve come from – it’s also about where we’re headed.