People who never felt appreciated growing up usually develop these 9 traits later in life

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | June 11, 2024, 7:33 am

Growing up feeling unappreciated isn’t just hard—it can seriously influence who we grow into.

This lack of recognition tends to stick around, showing up in different ways as we get older. It’s not set in stone, but it’s a pretty common thing.

And hey, not all the outcomes are bad. Some of these traits can actually be pretty empowering.

So, let’s get into the 9 traits that tend to pop up in folks who never got that appreciation growing up.  

1) Overachievers

Many who felt unappreciated growing up become relentless overachievers later on.

It’s a common way to cope—a deep need to prove their worth and make up for lost validation.

But it’s not all downside.

While this drive can lead to burnout, it also fuels remarkable personal and professional success.

They thrive in their fields, hungry for acknowledgment.

Yet, it’s crucial to remember the importance of rest and balance.

If this sounds like you, know it’s okay to pause, appreciate yourself beyond achievements, and find that needed balance.

2) People pleasers

I’ve seen this trait firsthand. Growing up without feeling truly appreciated led me to become a bit of a people pleaser in my adult years.

Constantly seeking approval, I would often go out of my way to make others happy, sometimes at the expense of my own needs and desires.

I’d say ‘yes’ to tasks I didn’t have time for or agree to attend events that I had no interest in, just to avoid disappointing anyone.

Over time, I learned that it’s essential to set boundaries and prioritize my own happiness.

It’s okay to say ‘no’ sometimes and take care of myself first. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

3) Highly empathetic

Interestingly, those who lacked appreciation in their upbringing often develop a keen sense of empathy.

Having felt the sting of being unappreciated, they naturally tune in to others’ emotions and experiences.

This empathy makes them exceptional listeners, counselors, caregivers, or friends.

They draw from their own struggles to offer comfort and understanding to others facing similar challenges.

4) Self-critical

Individuals who grow up without sufficient appreciation often become excessively self-critical.

They may harbour a persistent feeling of inadequacy and frequently doubt their abilities or worth.

This self-doubt can motivate them to work harder and achieve more, but it can also lead to anxiety and depression if not addressed.

It’s crucial to remember that everyone has value and that self-worth should not be entirely tied to external validation or achievements.

5) Perfectionists

Growing up without feeling appreciated can lead to perfectionism in adulthood.

The logic? If they do everything perfectly, they might finally receive the approval they’ve been craving.

Striving for perfection, however, is an endless and exhausting pursuit.

Making mistakes is a natural part of life and growth.

Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for progress and personal growth.

6) Struggle with trust

Feeling unappreciated as a child can leave deep emotional scars, leading many to struggle with trust in their adult relationships.

They might fear rejection or worry that they’ll never be good enough, which can make opening up to others feel daunting.

It’s a difficult journey, but learning to trust others and believe in your worth can open doors to deeply rewarding relationships.

Remember, every person is deserving of love and respect, and that includes you.

7) Fear of abandonment

The absence of appreciation during childhood can instill a fear of abandonment in later life.

I’ve found myself clinging to relationships, even unhealthy ones, just to avoid the pain of being alone.

It’s like a constant need for assurance that I won’t be left behind again.

Over time, I’ve learned that it’s essential to cultivate a strong sense of self-love and independence.

Being alone doesn’t have to equate to loneliness. We all are capable of providing the love and appreciation we seek from others to ourselves.

8) High resilience

Growing up without feeling appreciated can be tough, but it often breeds resilience.

These individuals are used to facing challenges head-on and overcoming hardships.

They’ve learned to adapt and survive in difficult situations.

While this resilience is admirable, it’s also important to remember that it’s okay to ask for help when needed.

We all have moments of vulnerability, and there’s strength in reaching out to others for support.

9) Deeply compassionate

Those who grow up without feeling appreciated often develop a profound sense of compassion.

They understand what it feels like to be overlooked and undervalued, so they go out of their way to make others feel seen and acknowledged.

This trait can make them wonderful friends, partners, and leaders who always prioritize the feelings and needs of those around them.

Embracing the journey

The human spirit is incredibly resilient.

Even if you grew up feeling unappreciated, it’s possible to use that experience to foster strength, compassion, and empathy.

These traits, while born out of hardship, can be harnessed for personal growth and can even become your greatest assets.

Remember, our past experiences don’t define us, but they do shape us. They’re a part of our story, adding layers to our character.

If you’ve recognized yourself in these traits, take a moment to appreciate your journey and how far you’ve come.

It’s through understanding and accepting our past that we can truly embrace our future.