Unfortunately losing touch with family as we age isn’t uncommon, but it’s also often not intentional.

The shift usually happens subtly, masked by life’s hustle and bustle. The behaviors that lead to this disconnect can be so ingrained, we may not even realize we’re doing them.

Identifying these behaviors is the first step towards reestablishing those all-important family ties.

With this in mind, I’ve pinpointed eight common behaviors people tend to display when they unintentionally drift away from their families.

1) Neglecting communication

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, including family. But as we age, we get wrapped up in our own lives – careers, friends, hobbies – and often neglect to keep in touch with family.

This behavior isn’t usually malicious. It’s more like a gradual slipping away.

You skip a call here, forget to respond to a message there, and before you know it, you realize you haven’t spoken to your sibling or parent in months.

Often, people don’t even realize how much time has passed or how much distance has grown until something significant happens – a holiday, a family event, or worse, a crisis.

Neglecting communication is the first common behavior exhibited by people who lose touch with their families as they get older. It’s unintentional but can have profound effects on family relationships.

Recognizing this behavior is the first step towards reconnecting with loved ones. Remember, it’s never too late to pick up the phone or send that message.

2) Prioritizing work over family

I’ll admit it, I’ve been guilty of this one.

As a young professional, the desire to succeed and build a fulfilling career often took precedence over family time.

I was always ‘too busy’ or ‘too tired’ after a long day at work to engage in meaningful conversations with my family.

The truth is, it was easier to drown myself in work than to juggle the complexities and emotional intricacies that often come with family relationships.

But one day, I found myself sitting alone in my apartment on a holiday, realizing that I hadn’t spoken to my family in weeks. It was a wake-up call.

Prioritizing work over family is a common behavior among people who lose touch with their families as they get older.

The pressures of adult life and the pursuit of professional success can be all-consuming, causing us to unintentionally neglect our family relationships.

Recognizing this behavior and actively taking steps to balance work and family life can help bridge the gap that has formed over time. 

3) Moving away

Geographical distance can play a significant role in losing touch with family.

With the rise of globalization, it’s increasingly common for individuals to move across the country, or even overseas, for work or personal reasons.

Interestingly, research has found that adults who live at least an hour away from their siblings are less likely to have contact with them, compared to those who live closer.

While technology has made maintaining long-distance relationships easier, it still requires effort and intentionality. Moving away doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll lose touch with your family, but it does make maintaining those connections a bit more challenging.

Acknowledging this and making an extra effort to stay connected can help prevent this geographical gap from turning into an emotional one.

4) Avoiding difficult conversations

Family dynamics can be complicated, and sometimes, they involve unresolved conflicts or hard feelings.

It’s human nature to avoid discomfort, and for some people, this can mean steering clear of tough conversations with family members.

Ignoring these issues doesn’t make them disappear.

Instead, they often fester and create an invisible barrier that leads to a gradual distancing. You might find yourself dreading family gatherings or hesitating to pick up the phone because you don’t want to face the underlying tension.

Recognizing this behavior is crucial. While these conversations are challenging, they can also be incredibly healing.

Addressing the elephant in the room might just be what your family relationship needs to start mending and growing again.

5) Taking family for granted

Family is often seen as a constant in our lives. They’ve always been there, so we assume they always will be.

This can lead to the dangerous behavior of taking our family for granted.

We assume there will always be another holiday, another family dinner, another chance to reconnect. We tell ourselves we’ll call tomorrow, or visit next month.

But time slips away faster than we think, and those opportunities we thought were infinite start to dwindle.

This behavior is not done out of malice, but out of a mistaken belief that there’s always more time.

The truth is, life is unpredictable and fleeting. We need to cherish our family while we can and make the most of every opportunity to connect.

Remembering not to take our family for granted can reignite the desire to maintain those precious relationships, even as we get older.

After all, family is not just about blood; it’s about love, connection and shared memories that last a lifetime.

6) Allowing resentment to build

I remember a time when I held onto a grudge against a family member for something that, in the grand scheme of things, was relatively minor.

It started as an annoyance, then turned into frustration, then resentment.

Before I knew it, I found myself distancing from them, not because they did anything else wrong, but because I allowed this resentment to build and take root in my heart.

Resentment is like a slow poison. It starts small but can grow to consume your thoughts and color your interactions.

The thing is, it doesn’t just hurt the person it’s directed at; it hurts you too. It creates a wall between you and your loved ones, causing you to lose touch even without realizing it.

Letting go of resentment and choosing forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. Not only for the sake of your relationships but also for your own peace of mind.

The freedom that comes from releasing resentment is incredibly liberating and can pave the way for reconnection with those you’ve drifted away from.

7) Neglecting shared traditions

Shared traditions are the glue that holds families together.

Be it holiday celebrations, Sunday dinners, or even simple rituals like a nightly phone call, these traditions foster a sense of belonging and connection.

As people grow older, these traditions can sometimes fall by the wayside due to busy schedules or changing circumstances.

This can lead to a gradual distancing from family members, as these shared experiences are often what keep the lines of communication open and the relationship strong.

Reinstating or even creating new shared traditions can help reignite that sense of family unity and belonging.

It’s never too late to start a new tradition or bring back an old one. These shared experiences can become the threads that weave your family together again.

8) Focusing on differences rather than similarities

Every family is a melting pot of personalities, opinions, and lifestyles.

It’s easy to focus on the differences, especially when they cause disagreements or misunderstandings. However, this focus can cause us to overlook the shared history, the common values, and the love that binds us together.

When we concentrate on differences, we erect barriers that can lead to a sense of isolation and disconnection.

Instead, embracing our shared roots and cherishing our similarities can foster a sense of unity and closeness.

Remember, it’s our differences that make us unique, but it’s our similarities and shared experiences that bring us together as a family.

Final thoughts: It’s about intentionality

Family relationships, like any other, require effort, understanding, and most importantly, intentionality.

As we age and our lives become filled with different priorities, it’s easy to unintentionally drift away from our family. However, recognizing this and choosing to invest in those relationships can make all the difference.

Whether it’s making a conscious effort to communicate regularly, prioritizing family over work occasionally, or letting go of long-held resentments – all these actions require intentionality.

Losing touch with family as we get older isn’t inevitable. By acknowledging the behaviors that lead to this disconnect, we can choose a different path – one that leads us back to the people who’ve known us our whole lives.