As we age, it’s not uncommon for friendships to fade. But often, we’re not aware of the behaviors that are causing this drift.

The truth is, many of us are unknowingly pushing our close friends away as we get older. And while it’s natural for some relationships to change over time, it’s worth understanding if our own actions are contributing to this shift.

In this piece, I’m going to outline the 9 behaviors that people commonly exhibit when they start losing touch with close friends without even realizing it. Recognizing these patterns can be the first step towards mending those important bonds.

Take a read and see if you notice any of these behaviors in your own life.

1) Prioritizing responsibilities over relationships

As we get older, our responsibilities multiply. Between work, family obligations, and maintaining a household, it’s easy to let friendships slip into the background.

While it’s important to fulfill our responsibilities, they shouldn’t always be at the forefront. Friends provide support and companionship that our daily chores cannot offer.

The truth is, when we constantly choose our to-do list over our friends, we might unknowingly create a distance. Our friends might start feeling less important, leading to a gradual drift.

So, if you find yourself constantly postponing coffee dates for grocery shopping or canceling plans to meet a work deadline, you might be displaying this behavior without even realizing it.

2) Neglecting to keep in touch

I’ve always been a firm believer in the saying “Out of sight, out of mind”. This belief was put to the test a few years ago when I relocated for work. In the hustle of settling into a new city, I found it hard to keep in touch with my old friends.

The initial weeks turned into months and then a year passed. I noticed that conversations had dwindled, and the bond we once shared seemed distant. It was then that I realized that my lack of communication was driving a wedge between us.

Even though I didn’t mean to lose touch, my actions (or lack thereof) were sending a different message. It took me a while to understand that good friendships require effort – they need nurturing and regular communication.

Sometimes, all it takes is a simple call or message to show that you still value them.

3) Relying too heavily on social media

In this digital era, it’s easy to believe that ‘liking’ a friend’s post or commenting on their picture is enough to maintain a strong friendship. But while social media can help us stay connected, it can’t replace the depth and intimacy of face-to-face interactions or even a heartfelt phone call.

According to a study, people who spend more than two hours a day on social media feel more socially isolated than those who spend half an hour or less.

So, if your main form of interaction with friends is through screens, you might be unknowingly creating a disconnect. Real friendships are built on shared experiences and deep conversations, not just virtual likes and comments. It’s important to make time for more personal interactions.

4) Forgetting to reciprocate

Friendship is a two-way street. Both parties need to make an effort for the relationship to thrive.

If you find that you’re always on the receiving end – taking advice, accepting help, or letting your friend pick up the tab – but not returning the favor, you might be unknowingly straining your friendship.

People feel valued when their efforts are acknowledged and reciprocated. If they’re always giving and you’re always taking, they might start to feel used or unimportant.

Remember, it’s not always about grand gestures. Simple things like lending an ear when they need to vent or treating them to lunch once in a while can go a long way in maintaining a healthy friendship.

5) Not acknowledging changes

As we grow older, change is inevitable. We all evolve, develop new interests, and even our values may shift. It’s important to acknowledge these changes in ourselves and in our friends.

If you’re clinging on to past versions of your friends, or expecting them to be the same people they were years ago, you might be creating friction without realizing it.

It’s crucial to appreciate the people they have become rather than holding them to old standards. This not only displays respect for their personal growth but also nurtures the friendship in its current form.

6) Letting misunderstandings fester

Misunderstandings are a part of any relationship. What matters is how we handle them.

If you’ve had a disagreement or misunderstanding with a friend and you’re holding onto resentment or avoiding confrontation, you’re likely damaging the friendship, perhaps without even knowing it.

It’s all too easy to let pride get in the way, to assume they should make the first move. But this can lead to a silent drift.

A heartfelt conversation acknowledging the misunderstanding and expressing your feelings can help mend the fences. Remember, it’s okay to agree to disagree. What’s important is to clear the air and not let misunderstandings cast a shadow over your friendship.

7) Falling into envy

When I landed my dream job a few years ago, I was ecstatic. But when a close friend of mine got promoted to an even higher position, I found myself grappling with unexpected feelings of envy.

Instead of being happy for her, I started comparing our achievements. Slowly, this envy began to create a gap in our friendship. I found myself avoiding her calls and distancing myself.

It was only when I acknowledged my feelings and realized that we each had our own paths, that I could genuinely congratulate her and mend our friendship.

So, if you find yourself feeling envious of your friend’s accomplishments or life situations, it might be causing more harm to your friendship than you realize.

8) Ignoring their milestones

Life is full of milestones – a new job, a marriage, a baby, or even a big move. If you’re not acknowledging or celebrating these significant moments in your friends’ lives, it can create a sense of disconnect.

Your friends might feel that you’re not interested in their lives or that their achievements don’t matter to you. This might lead them to share less with you, ultimately creating a gap in the friendship.

So, whether it’s sending a congratulatory message, giving them a call, or being there to share their joy, make sure you’re involved in their milestones.

9) Failing to appreciate the friendship

At the heart of every strong friendship is appreciation. If you’re taking your friends for granted or failing to express your gratitude for their presence in your life, you might be unknowingly damaging the relationship.

Our friends need to know that we value them. A simple ‘thank you’ or a heartfelt ‘I appreciate you’ can make a world of difference. It’s these small gestures of appreciation that make our friends feel loved and cherished.

So, if you’ve not been expressing your gratitude, it’s time to start. A little appreciation can go a long way in strengthening your friendships and preventing any potential drift.