Empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a trait that keeps us connected. But as we age, some of us may unknowingly start to lose this vital quality.

It doesn’t come completely out of the blue, though. You see, when empathy slips away, it’s usually accompanied by certain behaviors that often go unnoticed. The tricky part is recognizing them in ourselves.

In this article, we’ll explore 8 behaviors that hint at dwindling empathy. Not to judge or criticize, but to help us maintain our connections and humanity as we grow older. So let’s dive in and find out what they are.

1) Diminishing patience

As people age, patience can often take a hit. It’s not something that we consciously decide, it just sort of happens.

Ever noticed how some older people get grumpy easily or find it hard to tolerate differing opinions? It’s not because they are inherently grouchy or inflexible. It’s a sign of dwindling empathy.

Empathy requires time and emotional energy to understand another’s perspective. When patience is low, the effort to empathize also diminishes. We’re more likely to snap, dismiss others, or even stereotype – all behaviors that push empathy to the backseat.

Recognizing this in ourselves can be a little uncomfortable. But awareness is the first step towards change. 

2) A lack of active listening

I remember a time when I’d hang on every word my friends said, genuinely curious about their lives, their interests, their fears. But recently, I noticed a shift.

In group conversations, I found myself zoning out more often than not. At first, I chalked it up to being tired or distracted. But then I realized: I was not really listening anymore.

Active listening is more than just hearing the words someone says. It’s about being present and digesting those words, showing genuine interest and understanding. 

When this starts to slip, it’s often a sign that our empathy is waning too. We may not realize it at first, but the less we actively listen, the more we disconnect from those around us, and the fewer opportunities we have to even use our empathy. It’s an evil cycle that we should watch out for, otherwise our relationships may really start to suffer.

3) Increased criticalness

Empathy thrives on acceptance and understanding, not judgement. However, as we age, we sometimes adopt a more critical lens towards others.

This could be due to life experiences that have made us more cynical or cautious. Or maybe we’ve been hurt before because we were too kind to people who didn’t have good intentions. As a result, we retreat more into ourselves, giving less of our kindness and compassion out as a protection mechanism.

The pitfall with this is that we can start to look for danger where there is none – like the cat that got burned on a hot stove and won’t even sit on a cold one anymore. And so we start expecting people to hurt us, becoming more and more critical and less and less understanding of their own feelings and circumstances.

This change is understandable, but it’s also clear how it’s not constructive for either the people around you or your own wellbeing. Keep an eye out for this behavior as it can sneak up on us, often unnoticed.

4) Reduced emotional responsiveness

Another behavior that can creep up on us as we age is a reduction in our emotional responsiveness. We might not express joy, sadness, or surprise as intensely as we once did, which can come across as indifference to others.

Emotional responsiveness is a key part of empathy. It’s how we show others that we understand and share their feelings. When this is dulled, it can seem like we’re disconnected or not fully engaged with the people around us.

This doesn’t mean you have to be overly emotional or dramatic. But a healthy dose of emotional responsiveness can go a long way in maintaining empathy as we age. Make sure you still take time to connect with your emotions, and don’t be afraid to open them up to the people you trust too.

5) Gradual isolation

There’s a certain comfort in solitude that many of us begin to appreciate as we get older. We enjoy our own company, our own routines. But it’s important to remember that too much isolation can lead to a loss of empathy.

You see, empathy is like a muscle. It needs regular exercise to stay strong. And the best way to exercise it is through social interaction, by connecting with people of different ages, backgrounds, and experiences.

When we isolate ourselves, we miss out on these opportunities to exercise our empathy. We become less attuned to the feelings and perspectives of others.

Take a moment to consider if find yourself seeking more and more solitude, and if yes, that’s okay – just remember to strike a balance. Keep your empathy alive by maintaining your social connections. It might not always be easy, but it’s worth it for the richness it brings to our lives as we age.

6) Difficulty with change

I used to pride myself on being adaptable, always ready for whatever life threw at me. But as I got older, I found myself struggling more with change. New technologies, new trends, new ways of doing things – they all seemed more daunting than exciting.

This resistance to change can be a subtle sign of eroding empathy. When we’re not open to new ideas or experiences, we limit our ability to understand different perspectives. We become stuck in our ways, and it becomes harder to relate to others who don’t share our views or experiences.

We all know that adapting to change isn’t easy, especially when it’s unexpected or negative. But it’s a part of how we grow in life, and it’s key to maintaining our empathy. If you catch yourself resisting change more often, consider it a nudge to keep your empathy in check.

7) Over-reliance on past experiences

As we get older, we naturally accumulate a wealth of experiences. These shape our understanding of the world and inform our future decisions. But sometimes, we can become too reliant on our past.

When we base our understanding of others solely on our past experiences, we risk missing out on their unique perspectives and circumstances. We may assume we know what they’re going through, but every person’s experience is different.

This behavior, often unintentional, can lead to a loss of empathy. It’s crucial to remember that while our past can guide us, it shouldn’t dictate our understanding of others – or even ourselves. Everyone is ever-shifting, and needs the freedom to decide who they are in the moment, regardless of their past. 

8) Neglecting self-care

The most essential thing to remember is this: empathy starts within. It’s hard to be empathetic towards others if we’re not taking care of ourselves.

Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and spa days. It’s about ensuring our emotional, physical, and mental well-being. When we’re exhausted or stressed, it becomes more challenging to empathize with others.

Think back to your past week: have you set aside any time for self care? If not, your empathy could be at risk. Remember, it’s not selfish to prioritize your well-being. Take care of yourself; your ability to empathize depends on it.

Final thought: It’s a journey

The complexity of human emotions and behaviors is a fascinating realm, often interweaved with time and experience.

One such complexity is the shift in our levels of empathy as we age, subtly indicated by the behaviors we’ve discussed.

Is it disconcerting? Perhaps. But it’s also an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. As humans, we are remarkably adaptable. We can recognize these signs, understand their implications, and strive to keep our empathy vibrant.

And while it might seem like a daunting task, remember this quote from Thich Nhat Hanh, a renowned Zen master: “Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name.”

With that in mind, let’s strive not only to maintain our empathy but to deepen it. Because at the end of the day, our ability to empathize – to understand and share the feelings of others – is what truly connects us as humans.