There’s a thin line between being direct and being blunt.

Being direct involves communicating your thoughts honestly but with a consideration of the other person’s feelings. Being blunt, on the other hand, is often a sign of lacking subtlety.

You see, subtlety is an art form. It’s about knowing how to convey your point without making others uncomfortable or causing unnecessary conflict.

And guess what? There are certain phrases that people who lack subtlety tend to use without realizing the ripple effects they cause.

Below are eight phrases often said by those who are blissfully unaware of their lack of subtlety. Let’s dive in!

1) Whatever

In the realm of communication, few phrases are as dismissive as “whatever”.

It’s the verbal equivalent of a shrug, a signal that the speaker is not particularly invested in the conversation or the feelings of the person they’re speaking to.

Picture this. You’re passionately explaining why you believe in a certain cause, and the person you’re talking to just responds with “whatever”. It feels like a slap in the face, doesn’t it?

You see, “whatever” can be seen as a lack of respect for the other person’s perspective. It’s like saying their thoughts or feelings don’t matter enough for you to engage with them properly.

While it might seem like just a casual phrase to some, its impact on others can be bigger than they realize.

So if you’re aiming for more subtle and empathetic communication, it might be best to leave “whatever” out of your vocabulary.

2) Just saying

Ah, “just saying”. Let me share a personal story regarding this phrase.

I remember a time when I was in a team meeting at work. We were brainstorming ideas for a new project, and everyone was throwing out suggestions. One of my colleagues, let’s call him Jim, had a habit of following every idea he shared with “just saying”.

For example, he’d say, “We could try incorporating more interactive elements to engage our audience…just saying.” Initially, it didn’t bother me much, but over time, it started to feel like he was undermining his own ideas.

The issue with “just saying” is that it can come off as passive-aggressive or dismissive. It’s often used to soften the blow of a criticism or controversial statement. However, it can also give the impression that the speaker lacks confidence in their own words.

So in Jim’s case, his constant use of “just saying” made it seem like he doubted his own ideas. It led us to question whether we should take his contributions seriously.

This instance taught me the hidden impact of this seemingly harmless phrase. If you want to communicate with subtlety and respect, it might be wise to think twice before tacking on a “just saying” to your statements.

3) I’m not racist, but…

“I’m not racist, but…” is a phrase that often precedes a statement that is, in fact, racist or prejudiced.

This phrase is a textbook example of a qualifying statement, where the speaker tries to preemptively defend themselves from any backlash their following statement might receive.

It’s a problematic phrase not just because it often precedes offensive comments, but also because it indicates a lack of understanding about what racism or prejudice truly means.

According to a study published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology, people who use phrases like “I’m not racist, but…” are actually more likely to hold prejudiced beliefs. The research found that those who use such qualifiers are trying to distance themselves from being labeled as prejudiced, while still expressing prejudiced attitudes.

So, if you find yourself about to use this phrase, it’s a good time to pause and reconsider what you’re about to say. It’s crucial to remember the impact our words can have on others, and strive for more thoughtful and respectful communication.

4) No offense, but…

“No offense, but…” is one of those phrases that can cause more harm than good.

The irony of this phrase is that it’s often followed by something offensive or hurtful. The speaker uses it as a sort of get-out-of-jail-free card, trying to absolve themselves from the impact of their words.

But here’s the thing – stating “no offense” doesn’t magically make the following comment less offensive. If anything, it signals to the listener that they should brace themselves for something potentially hurtful.

In essence, “No offense, but…” lacks subtlety and empathy. It shows a disregard for the other person’s feelings and a failure to consider how your words might affect them.

So next time you’re about to use this phrase, take a moment to think about what you’re saying. Try to express your thoughts in a way that respects the other person’s feelings and avoids unnecessary offense.

5) You always…

We all have our patterns and habits, but when someone starts a sentence with “You always…”, it rarely ends well.

This phrase is typically used in the heat of an argument or a moment of frustration. It’s accusatory and absolute, painting the person it’s aimed at with a broad and unflattering brush.

The problem is, “You always…” tends to amplify a single behavior or instance into a character trait, which isn’t fair or accurate.

Consider this: your friend forgets to call you back one day. In frustration, you confront them saying, “You always forget to call me back.” Now, instead of addressing a one-time oversight, you’ve accused them of consistently neglecting your friendship.

” You always…” can cause significant damage to relationships. It lacks subtlety and understanding, making the recipient feel attacked and defensive.

So next time you’re upset with someone’s actions, take a deep breath and try to express your feelings without resorting to absolutes. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, and empathy goes a long way in resolving conflicts.

6) It’s just a joke

Humor can be a powerful tool for bringing people together, but “It’s just a joke” is a phrase that can drive them apart.

I recall a time when I was trying to fit in with a new group of friends. They had a certain kind of humor that often involved making fun of each other. One day, the teasing was directed at me. I laughed along, not wanting to seem like a spoilsport. However, one comment cut deeper than the rest. When I showed my discomfort, the response was “It’s just a joke.”

The issue with this phrase is that it can be used as a shield to avoid taking responsibility for hurtful words or actions. It dismisses the feelings of the person on the receiving end and places the blame on them for not finding the ‘joke’ funny.

What’s more, it communicates a lack of empathy and understanding. Instead of acknowledging that a line may have been crossed, it trivializes the other person’s feelings.

So remember, humor should never come at the expense of someone else’s comfort or dignity. If someone doesn’t find your ‘joke’ funny, perhaps it’s not them—it’s the joke.

7) Calm down

“Calm down” is a phrase often used with the best of intentions, but it can have the opposite effect.

When someone is upset or anxious, telling them to “calm down” can be perceived as dismissive. Instead of addressing their concerns or feelings, you’re essentially asking them to suppress their emotions.

This phrase can escalate a situation rather than defuse it. It can make the person feel like their feelings are not valid or important.

Additionally, “calm down” can be seen as an attempt to control the other person’s emotional response, which can lead to further frustration.

A more subtle and empathetic approach would be to acknowledge their feelings and offer support. For instance, saying “I understand you’re upset” or “Let’s work through this together” can be much more effective in calming a tense situation.

Remember, communication is not just about what you say, but how you say it. So choose your words wisely, especially in emotionally charged situations.

8) You’re too sensitive

The phrase “You’re too sensitive” is one of the most damaging phrases a person can utter.

Instead of taking responsibility for their words or actions, the speaker shifts the blame onto the person they’ve upset. It invalidates the other person’s feelings and experiences – a form of gaslighting, which is psychological manipulation that makes a person question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity.

Telling someone they’re “too sensitive” is an attempt to diminish their emotional response. It’s a way of saying that their feelings are wrong or exaggerated, which can be incredibly hurtful.

Remember, everyone has a right to their feelings. Labeling someone as “too sensitive” doesn’t give you a free pass to say or do whatever you want without considering their feelings.

Instead of criticizing others for being sensitive, we should strive to communicate with empathy and respect. After all, sensitivity is not a weakness—it’s a strength that fosters understanding and compassion.

The heart of the matter

When it comes to communication, the impact of our words often runs deeper than we realize.

The phrases we’ve discussed aren’t just about lacking subtlety or tact; they reflect a broader issue of empathy and understanding in our communication.

A study by the University of California, Los Angeles, found that words account for only 7% of how we communicate. The remaining 93% is conveyed through our tone of voice and body language. This shows that it’s not just about what we say, but how we say it.

When we use phrases like “Calm down” or “You’re too sensitive”, it’s not just about hurting someone’s feelings. It’s about dismissing their experiences and emotions. It’s about failing to understand and validate their perspective.

So next time you’re about to utter one of these phrases, take a moment to consider its impact. Reflect on whether you’re communicating with empathy and respect.

And remember, effective communication is not about proving a point or winning an argument; it’s about understanding and learning from each other. After all, words are powerful tools – let’s use them wisely.