How often do we consider the impact of our words?

I remember my father once saying, “Words are like a loaded gun, they can either protect or destroy.” This got me thinking about the phrases we often use without realizing their effect on others.

So if you’re ever wondering, “Why do people find it hard to connect with me?” or if you’re simply interested in being more conscious about your communication style, take a look at these 7 phrases that you might be using without understanding their impact.

Let’s dive right in.

1) “You’re overreacting”

Let’s start with a common one.

“You’re overreacting.” How many times have you heard or used this phrase?

Here’s the thing.

While it may seem harmless, it can come off as dismissive and invalidating. It tells the other person that their feelings or reactions aren’t valid or important.

Imagine yourself sharing a concern with someone only to be told you’re overreacting. Feels belittling, doesn’t it?

So, instead of dismissing someone’s feelings, try to empathize with them. Show them you understand their perspective and validate their emotions. It can make a world of difference in how they feel and how they perceive you.

Empathy breeds connection. It’s all about understanding and acknowledging, not dismissing or invalidating.

2) “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”

This one’s a bit of a personal story.

I used to use this phrase quite a bit, thinking that it softened the blow of whatever potentially harsh thing I was about to say.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

It doesn’t soften anything. In fact, it makes the receiver brace for something negative. It’s like saying, “I’m about to hurt your feelings, but I warned you first.”

I remember using this phrase with a friend when discussing their new hairstyle. “I don’t mean to be rude, but it just doesn’t suit you.” It did not go over well.

Over time, I’ve realized that honesty does not require rudeness. We can express our thoughts and opinions in a respectful and considerate manner.

Maybe saying something like, “Have you considered…?” or “What are your thoughts on…?” can make all the difference.

Being honest, but also being kind.

3) “No offense, but…”

This one takes me back to my college days.

I recall a friend once saying, “No offense, but your cooking could use some work.” I laughed it off, but I remember feeling a bit hurt.

It’s like this phrase gives people a free pass to say something hurtful. But here’s the thing – prefacing an offensive statement with “no offense” doesn’t make it any less offensive.

If you have constructive criticism to offer, there are better ways to do it. Something along the lines of, “I see potential in your cooking. Maybe you could try adding a little more seasoning next time?” is more likely to be received positively.

Let’s remember, it’s not just about what we say, but how we say it. Our words can either uplift or bring down. Let’s aim for the former.

4) “Calm down”

It sounds like a reasonable request, right?

However, it’s not always as helpful as we might think.

When someone is upset or excited and we tell them to “calm down”, it can come across as if we’re asking them to suppress their feelings. It’s as if we’re saying that their emotions are invalid or inappropriate.

Instead, try to understand where they’re coming from. A more empathetic response might be, “I can see you’re really upset about this. Can you tell me more about why you’re feeling this way?”

This shows that you respect their feelings and are genuinely interested in understanding them better. This simple shift in how you respond can greatly improve your connections with others.

5) “It’s not my fault”

A phrase often used to avoid blame when things go wrong. But did you know that people who frequently use this phrase can be perceived as not taking responsibility for their actions?

In our interactions with others, it’s important to remember that we all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. And one of the most powerful things we can do when we mess up is to own it, apologize, and learn from it.

The next time something goes wrong, rather than resorting to “It’s not my fault,” consider saying something like, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. Let’s figure out how to fix it.”

This shows maturity and a willingness to take responsibility, qualities that can strengthen your relationships with others.

6) “Whatever”

A word I used to use quite often, especially when I felt misunderstood or frustrated.

I’ve realized that using “whatever” can come off as dismissive or even disrespectful. It can seem like you’re not interested in what the other person has to say or that their opinion doesn’t matter.

I remember a time when I was having a heated debate with a friend. I was so caught up in my viewpoint that I ended the conversation with a curt “whatever.” Looking back, I realize how dismissive it must have sounded.

Now, I strive to be more patient and open-minded during discussions. Instead of resorting to “whatever,” I try saying something like, “I see where you’re coming from, let’s agree to disagree.”

It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Acknowledging other people’s perspectives—even when they differ from our own—can lead to deeper understanding and stronger relationships.

7) “That’s just how I am”

This phrase can seem like a simple statement of fact, but it can also signal a resistance to change or growth.

When we use this phrase to justify our actions or behaviors, especially those that may be hurtful or off-putting to others, it sends a message that we’re not willing to consider other perspectives or make adjustments.

The most important thing to remember is this: growth and change are essential parts of being human. We should always strive to learn, evolve, and improve.

Instead of saying “That’s just how I am,” try saying, “I appreciate your feedback. I’ll take it into consideration.” This shows that you’re open to self-improvement and value the input of others.

After all, it’s through our interactions with others that we learn the most about ourselves.

Wrapping up

The beauty of self-awareness is that it’s the first step towards improvement. Recognizing these patterns is your starting point towards better communication and more meaningful relationships.

Change isn’t going to happen overnight, and that’s okay.

Consider this – every conversation is an opportunity to practice more conscious communication. Each interaction gives you a chance to pause, reflect, and choose your words with care.

Take note of the phrases that you use regularly. Are they building bridges or creating barriers? Are they opening doors or shutting them?

Remember, our words have power – to inspire, to comfort, to understand.

So let’s use them wisely. Let’s use them to connect, not disconnect. To build, not break. To understand, not undermine.