In the realm of social interaction, emotional intelligence plays a crucial role. However, some people aren’t aware that they’re lacking in this department, and it often shows in their behavior.

Spotting these signs isn’t about judgment, rather, it’s about understanding where a person might be coming from.

In this piece, we’re going to explore the seven behaviors typically displayed by those who lack emotional intelligence but are none the wiser to their shortfall. We’ll unpack each behavior in detail, making it easier for you to identify and understand them in your everyday interactions.

Let’s dive into the subtle world of emotional intelligence, or in this case, the lack thereof.

1) Poor listening skills

We’ve all been there. You’re in the middle of a conversation and the other person just doesn’t seem to be absorbing anything you’re saying.

This could be a key sign that they’re lacking in emotional intelligence.

Emotionally intelligent individuals have a knack for active listening. They’re present in the conversation, responsive, and empathetic. They listen to understand, not just to respond.

However, those with low emotional intelligence often struggle with this. They may interrupt you frequently, zone out, or fail to pick up on the emotional undertones of your words.

They might not realize it, but their inability to truly listen can often lead to misunderstandings and missed emotional cues. It’s not about intentionally ignoring others, rather, it’s a lack of understanding about the importance and value of active listening in effective communication.

2) Difficulty in handling criticism

Here’s a personal example. I once had a colleague named Sam. He was hardworking and dedicated, but he had one flaw that created friction in the team – he just couldn’t handle criticism.

Every time constructive feedback was offered, Sam would become defensive. Instead of seeing it as an opportunity for growth, he viewed criticism as a personal attack against him.

This is a common sign of low emotional intelligence. Emotionally intelligent people understand that criticism is often not personal and can be crucial for personal and professional growth. They are able to separate themselves from their mistakes, learn from them, and move forward.

But for Sam, and others like him, any form of feedback was perceived as negative. He didn’t seem to realize that his inability to accept criticism was actually hindering his growth.

This behavior often led to misunderstandings and tension within the team, making it clear that emotional intelligence plays a pivotal role in a harmonious work environment.

3) Struggling to express feelings

Emotional intelligence isn’t just about understanding and interpreting the feelings of others; it’s also about being able to articulate your own. Those lacking in emotional intelligence often struggle with this.

For instance, they might feel frustrated but instead of voicing this frustration in a constructive way, they might lash out or become passive-aggressive.

Here’s an intriguing thing: according to studies, those who frequently use “I feel” statements are often better at identifying and expressing their emotions. It’s a small language tweak that can signal greater emotional self-awareness.

But for those who lack emotional intelligence, this kind of self-expression can be a real challenge. They may not realize it, but their difficulty in accurately expressing their feelings can lead to miscommunication and strained relationships.

4) Struggle with empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a key element of emotional intelligence.

Those who lack emotional intelligence often struggle with this. They may find it challenging to put themselves in other people’s shoes or to understand different perspectives.

For instance, if a friend is going through a difficult time, an emotionally intelligent person would be able to empathize and offer comfort. However, someone lacking emotional intelligence might respond with indifference or even impatience, not fully grasping the emotional gravity of the situation.

They may not realize it, but this lack of empathy can make it difficult for them to form deep, meaningful relationships. It can also lead to misunderstandings and conflict as they may inadvertently hurt others’ feelings due to their inability to empathize.

5) Difficulty recognizing emotions in others

A few years back, I had a friend who always seemed to miss the mark when it came to reading others’ emotions. If someone was upset, she’d breeze right past it, often making light of the situation. If someone was excited, she’d respond with a nonchalant attitude.

This is another sign of low emotional intelligence – difficulty recognizing emotions in others. People with high emotional intelligence are often adept at ‘reading the room’, picking up on subtle emotional cues and responding appropriately.

But for my friend, and for others like her, this wasn’t the case. She didn’t realize that her inability to gauge other people’s emotions often resulted in her coming across as insensitive or uncaring. It wasn’t that she didn’t care, she just didn’t realize.

Not being able to accurately read and respond to the emotions of others can lead to a disconnect in personal and professional relationships. This lack of emotional awareness can be quite isolating, as it hinders one’s ability to truly connect with others on an emotional level.

6) Overreacting to situations

Overreacting or reacting impulsively to situations is another behavior commonly displayed by people who lack emotional intelligence.

This could look like lashing out in anger over minor issues, breaking down at the slightest sign of stress, or making impulsive decisions without considering the consequences.

Emotionally intelligent people, on the other hand, have the ability to control their emotional responses. They can stay calm under stress, think things through before reacting, and handle adversity with grace.

For those lacking emotional intelligence, their overreactions may seem normal to them. They might not realize that their inability to manage their emotions effectively can be disruptive and damaging to their relationships and overall well-being.

Remember, it’s not about suppressing emotions – it’s about acknowledging them and managing them in a healthy, productive way.

7) Limited emotional vocabulary

Possessing a limited emotional vocabulary is perhaps the most telling sign of low emotional intelligence.

Emotionally intelligent people have a wide range of words to describe their feelings. They can distinguish between being ‘irritated’ and ‘furious’, or between feeling ‘down’ and ‘despondent’. This allows them to understand and express their emotions more clearly.

However, those lacking emotional intelligence often struggle to find the right words to describe their feelings. They may use broad terms like ‘mad’ or ‘sad’ without delving into the nuances of their emotions.

This limited emotional vocabulary can make it difficult for them to understand and communicate their feelings effectively, which can lead to miscommunication and misunderstandings in their relationships.