Confidence — or a lack thereof — is something we all grapple with from time to time.

We’ve all had those moments where we’ve second-guessed ourselves or let self-doubt creep in when it wasn’t invited.

The thing is, our lack of confidence often manifests itself in our language, sometimes without us even realizing it.

From the words we choose to the phrases we utter, our conversations can unmask our hidden insecurities and self-doubts.

In this article, I’m going to shed light on some of these phrases often used by those who might be wrestling with their self-confidence.

So if you’re wondering whether your language might be inadvertently broadcasting your own confidence issues, stick around.

You might find this eye-opening.

1) “I’m not sure, but…”

We’ve all heard this phrase before.

It’s a classic sign of self-doubt in conversation, often used by those wrestling with their confidence.

This phrase is a way of diminishing the impact of what comes next, cushioning it in case it’s incorrect or unwanted.

But here’s the thing: it’s okay to be wrong.

Everyone makes mistakes and it’s how we learn. If you find yourself constantly using this phrase, it may be signaling your fear of being wrong or your discomfort with asserting your opinions.

This isn’t about criticizing yourself for using this phrase. It’s an opportunity for you to recognize the potential self-doubt hidden behind your words.

And remember, you’re allowed to have and express your opinions. It’s part of what makes you unique.

2) “Sorry for asking…”

We all know the saying, “there’s no such thing as a stupid question”, right?

Yet, many of us often beg pardon before posing a question, almost as if we’re committing a crime.

“Sorry for asking…” is one such phrase that people with low self-confidence frequently use.

But let’s stop and think about this for a moment.

Why should anyone feel sorry for wanting to understand something better? It’s quite the opposite. Asking questions shows a thirst for knowledge, a desire to learn and grow.

This behavior is often linked to the fear of appearing ignorant or slow. A lack of confidence can make us feel like we’re burdening others with our queries.

Asking questions is how we learn. It’s how we broaden our knowledge and improve our understanding.

So, instead of apologizing for your curiosity, embrace it. Because there’s no shame in seeking knowledge.

3) “Does that make sense?”

This one might seem a bit counterintuitive. After all, isn’t it good to check if others are following your train of thought?

And indeed, ensuring that everyone is on the same page is important in a conversation.

This phrase is often a manifestation of the fear that your ideas are too complex or convoluted to be understood. It can also reflect a worry that you’re not articulate enough.

While it’s great to be considerate of others’ understanding, overusing this phrase can inadvertently convey your self-doubt.

Effective communication isn’t just about making sure others understand you. It’s also about having faith in your ability to convey your thoughts and ideas.

4) “Just” and “Only”

Have you noticed how often you use the words “just” or “only” when talking about yourself or your accomplishments?

“I’m just an intern.” “I’ve only been doing this for a year.”

These little words can be quite revealing. They indicate an unconscious tendency to downplay your achievements, to make them seem less than they are.

This is a common trait among people who struggle with self-confidence. They tend to undermine their own success, to belittle their own worth.

But here’s a reality check:

Every step you’ve taken, every achievement you’ve made, no matter how small, is significant. It reflects your effort, your growth, and your journey.

5) “I think…” versus “I know…”

The words we choose can say a lot about our confidence levels. Consider the difference between the following phrases:

• “I think this is the right solution.”
• “I know this is the right solution.”

Does one sound more certain than the other?

“I think” can often be used as a safety net, a way to avoid accountability if things go wrong. It suggests that you’re not completely sure of yourself.

On the other hand, “I know” indicates a higher level of confidence and conviction in your knowledge or skills.

Of course, it’s okay to use “I think” when you’re genuinely unsure. But if you find yourself using it even when you’re certain, it might be an indication of subconscious self-doubt.

It’s okay to be confident in your knowledge and abilities. And it’s more than okay to express that confidence.

6) “I hope it’s okay…”

This phrase is often used when we’re seeking validation or approval for our actions or decisions. It can be a clear sign that we’re not confident in our choices.

Here’s an example: “I hope it’s okay that I took the liberty of updating the report.”

What this really means is: “I’m not confident enough in my decision to update the report without seeking your approval.”

Asking for validation isn’t inherently bad. It shows consideration and respect for others.

But when we consistently ask for approval for our actions, it might indicate a lack of self-confidence.

So, next time you catch yourself using this phrase, ask yourself: do I genuinely need approval, or am I just doubting my decision?

Confidence comes from trusting in our abilities and judgement. Let’s strive to believe in ourselves and the choices we make.

7) “I guess…”

Imagine you’re in a meeting and asked for your opinion on the new project plan. Instead of stating your thoughts directly, you start with, “I guess…”

Does this sound familiar?

It’s almost like we’re looking for an escape route, a way to distance ourselves from our own opinions.

But what if you replaced “I guess” with “I believe” or “I feel”? Would your statement carry more weight? Would you feel more confident in expressing your opinion?

Using “I guess” can often give the impression that you’re unsure of your own thoughts and feelings.

But remember, your opinions are valid and valuable.

8) “I don’t want to bother you but…”

Let me share a personal story.

A few years ago, I had a coworker who would often start her questions with, “I don’t want to bother you but…”. It was almost as if she felt guilty for taking up someone’s time or seeking help.

Sound familiar?

It’s as if we’re apologizing for our existence, for having needs or requiring assistance.

And trust me, I get it. We all want to be considerate of others’ time and space. But it’s important to remember that it’s okay to ask for help when we need it. It doesn’t make us a burden.

Needing help is part of being human. We all have moments when we need support, guidance, or just someone to bounce ideas off of.

So remember, you have every right to ask for help without feeling guilty or apologetic.

You’re not a bother; you’re simply human.

9) “It’s probably nothing…”

And finally, here we are at the last one – “It’s probably nothing…”.

This phrase is a classic example of self-minimization, often used by those grappling with low confidence. It’s like a preemptive defensive move to avoid potential criticism or judgement.

But here’s the truth.

Your ideas, your thoughts, your feelings – they’re not ‘nothing’. They’re something. They’re important because they’re yours.

You bring a unique perspective to the table. Your ideas and thoughts have value and merit.

So don’t undermine yourself by dismissing your contributions as ‘nothing’. They’re far from it.

And with that, we’ve covered the nine phrases often used by those lacking confidence.

Identifying these signs is just the first step towards building greater self-confidence. The real journey begins with acknowledging them and working towards change.

So, where do we go from here?

Recognizing these phrases in our conversations is a crucial first step towards building self-confidence. But how do we move forward?

Here are a few steps you can take:

• Practice mindfulness: Notice when you’re using these phrases and reflect on why.
• Reframe your language: Try replacing self-doubting phrases with more assertive ones.
• Embrace self-affirmations: Positive affirmations can help build your confidence over time.

Building self-confidence is a journey, not a destination. It’s about slowly but surely changing how we see ourselves and how we communicate that to the world.

Your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings – they matter. And they deserve to be expressed confidently.