If you’ve ever left a message unread on purpose, you’re not alone. There’s a psychology behind why some of us do it.

Leaving messages unread isn’t about being forgetful or rude. It can reveal deeper personality traits.

According to psychologists, those who intentionally leave messages unread often exhibit these six traits.

Below is an exploration of these traits and the psychology behind them. So continue reading, especially if you’re guilty of leaving that ‘unread’ notification hanging.

1) Selective communicators

In the psychology of communication, there’s a group of people who intentionally choose not to read certain messages.

They’re not necessarily ignoring you. They’re selective communicators.

Selective communicators are strategic in their interactions. They decide when, how and with whom they want to communicate.

If you often find yourself with a heap of unread messages, you might be a selective communicator.

This trait shows that you value your time and energy, and you prefer to direct it towards conversations that matter most to you.

This isn’t about arrogance or disregard for others; it’s about setting personal boundaries and priorities in your communication.

So next time you intentionally leave a message unread, remember, it’s not just a notification on your screen – it’s a reflection of your selective communication style.

2) Thoughtful responders

Another trait that psychologists often associate with people who leave messages unread is being a thoughtful responder.

I must admit, I’ve been guilty of this myself.

There have been times when I’ve received a text or an email, read the notification, and then decided to leave it unread. Not because I was ignoring it, but because I wanted to give it the thoughtful response it deserved.

In our fast-paced world where instant replies are the norm, taking a moment to pause and reflect before responding can be rare. But for some of us, we prefer to reply when we can truly engage with the message, rather than just firing off a quick, thoughtless response.

So if you’re like me and often leave messages unread until you have the time and mental space to respond properly, you might just be a thoughtful responder. It’s not about being lazy or dismissive; it’s about respecting the conversation and wanting to contribute meaningfully to it.

3) High self-monitors

People who intentionally leave messages unread often fall into the category of high self-monitors.

High self-monitoring, according to Mark Snyder, a psychologist who introduced this concept in the 1970s, is a personality trait that involves being highly aware of how one appears in social situations and adjusting behaviour accordingly.

In the context of communication, high self-monitors are conscious about their online persona. They may leave messages unread to manage the perception of their availability or response time. This is a subtle way to control the pace of the conversation and maintain a certain image.

So, if you’re someone who intentionally leaves a message unread to manage the dynamics of your interactions, you’re likely exhibiting the trait of high self-monitoring.

4) Boundary setters

Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy work-life balance, and this extends to our digital communication as well.

People who intentionally leave messages unread are often effective boundary setters. They understand that they have the right to decide when and how they engage with their digital communications.

This doesn’t mean they are detached or disinterested. Rather, they are asserting their control over their personal time and space, not allowing the constant influx of messages to intrude upon their peace.

So if you’re someone who leaves messages unread until you’re ready to engage with them, you’re likely a boundary setter – valuing your personal time and maintaining a balance between your digital and real-life interactions.

5) Emotional gatekeepers

Sometimes, leaving a message unread has more to do with the emotional content of the message than the person sending it.

I’ll be the first to admit that there have been times when I’ve seen a message pop up, read the preview, and known instantly that it was going to be heavy. In those moments, I’ve chosen to leave it unread until I felt emotionally ready to handle it.

This trait is common among those who are sensitive to emotional energy and prefer to interact with such messages when they are in the right emotional state.

So if you’ve ever left a message unread because you knew it would require an emotional response that you weren’t ready for, you might be an emotional gatekeeper. It’s not about avoidance, but about emotional self-preservation.

6) Mindful individuals

At the heart of intentionally leaving messages unread is mindfulness.

People with this trait are fully present in their activities, choosing not to let an influx of messages distract them from the task at hand.

They understand that every alert and notification is a potential distraction that can lead to fragmented attention and reduced productivity.

So if you find yourself leaving messages unread while focusing on a task, you’re not neglecting your communications; you’re practicing mindfulness, prioritizing your focus and productivity over immediate responsiveness.