People who have strained relationships with their own children usually display these 9 behaviors (without realizing it)

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | December 11, 2024, 4:54 am

Relationships are like a dance—one where timing, communication, and effort make all the difference.

But when it comes to the relationship between parents and children, the steps can sometimes get tangled.

I’ve seen it happen in my own family and in the stories others have shared with me: small, repeated behaviors that slowly erode the bond.

Strained relationships don’t just appear out of nowhere—they’re often built on subtle patterns we might not even notice.

So, let’s take a closer look at nine key behaviors that can signal trouble. 

1) Failure to communicate

One of the most common patterns I’ve noticed is a serious breakdown in communication.

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, and it’s no different when it comes to parents and their children.

But parents who have strained relationships with their children often struggle in this area.

The issue can take many forms, such as avoiding difficult conversations, not expressing feelings openly, or even engaging in harsh criticism instead of constructive feedback.

When communication is impaired, it creates a gap between parent and child. It’s like trying to navigate through a maze blindfolded – misunderstanding and missteps are bound to happen.

Communication skills can be learned and practiced, and rebuilding this bridge can lead to a stronger, healthier relationship between parent and child.

2) Lack of empathy

Another common behavior I’ve observed is a lack of empathy.

I remember a time when I was struggling with a tough situation in my life.

I felt like I was drowning under the weight of my problems, and all I wanted was someone to understand what I was going through.

But instead of empathetic support, I was met with dismissal and indifference.

This lack of empathy can be particularly prevalent in strained parent-child relationships.

Parents may dismiss their child’s feelings or experiences, or they might struggle to put themselves in their child’s shoes.

In my own experience, this lack of understanding only served to widen the gap between us. It made me feel unheard, unseen, and deeply alone.

In a healthy relationship, empathy is key. Understanding and validating the other person’s feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them, can make a huge difference.

So practice saying “I see you. I hear you. Your feelings matter.”

3) Authoritarian parenting style

In the field of psychology, there are typically four recognized parenting styles: authoritative, neglectful, permissive, and authoritarian.

Parents who have strained relationships with their children often fall into the authoritarian category.

They set high expectations and enforce strict rules, often without providing much warmth or feedback.

The phrase “my way or the highway” is a good characterization of this approach.

Authoritarian parents believe that children should follow the rules without exception.

While this might maintain order in the short term, it often leads to resentment and rebellion in the long run.

Children of authoritarian parents are more likely to develop self-esteem issues, perform poorly acadically, and exhibit behavioral problems.

It’s a style of parenting that can strain relationships and hinder a child’s development into a well-adjusted adult.

4) Inconsistent discipline

Discipline is a critical aspect of parenting, but it can become problematic when it’s inconsistent.

Parents with strained relationships with their children often fluctuate between being overly strict and exceedingly lenient.

One day, minor missteps could lead to severe punishments; the next, significant transgressions might be completely overlooked.

Inconsistent discipline can be confusing and frustrating for children.

They’re left unsure of where they stand or what to expect, creating a sense of instability and insecurity.

According to experts, consistency in discipline helps children understand the consequences of their actions.

It gives them a stable framework to operate within, fostering trust and respect.

Identifying and correcting inconsistent discipline patterns can go a long way in repairing strained parent-child relationships.

5) Neglecting emotional needs

Every child has emotional needs that require attention, love, and understanding.

Parents who have strained relationships with their children often neglect these crucial needs.

Whether it’s dismissing their child’s feelings, focusing too much on their own needs or not being emotionally available, this neglect can cause significant harm to the relationship.

Children need to feel loved, valued, and understood.

They need to know that they can express their feelings without fear of rejection or ridicule.

When these emotional needs are neglected, it can result in feelings of abandonment and a strained relationship.

By acknowledging and addressing these emotional needs, parents can work towards restoring the relationship with their child.

It’s never too late to start showing empathy, to start listening, and to start meeting your child’s emotional needs.

6) Failing to show affection

There’s something incredibly powerful about a parent’s affection towards their child.

A simple hug, a loving word, or a gentle touch can make a world of difference.

Unfortunately, in strained parent-child relationships, displays of affection are often scarce.

The love might be there, but it’s hidden behind walls of tension and misunderstanding.

Children need to feel loved and cherished.

A lack of affection can lead them to question their worth and can create feelings of rejection and loneliness.

Showing affection doesn’t always have to be grand gestures.

It can be as simple as saying “I love you,” giving a warm hug, or showing interest in their day.

These small acts can help heal wounds, build confidence, and strengthen the bond between parent and child.

Affection is a language that speaks directly to the heart, and it can pave the way towards healing strained relationships.

7) Being overly critical

Criticism, when constructive, can help children improve and grow.

But there’s a difference between constructive criticism and constant nitpicking.

In my own life, I’ve dealt with the sting of constant criticism.

Every action, every decision, every mistake was met with harsh words and disappointment.

It made me feel like I could never live up to the expectations set for me.

Parents who have strained relationships with their children often fall into this trap of being overly critical.

Instead of guiding their children with love and patience, they focus on flaws and mistakes.

According to studies, this persistent criticism can result in lower self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, and a strained relationship.

Encouragement and understanding often go much further in helping children grow and learn than constant criticism.

Striving to be more mindful in how we communicate our thoughts and feelings can lead to more positive interactions and improved relationships.

8) Setting unrealistic expectations

Every parent wants their child to succeed, but setting unrealistic expectations can do more harm than good.

Parents with strained relationships often have an ideal image of who their child should be – how they should behave, what career they should pursue, what lifestyle they should adopt.

When these expectations are not met, it can lead to disappointment and strain in the relationship.

Children, like everyone else, are unique individuals with their own talents, interests, and paths.

Holding them to a standard that doesn’t consider their individuality can make them feel unappreciated for who they truly are.

Adjusting expectations to align with your child’s unique abilities and aspirations can foster a healthier relationship.

It allows children to feel valued for who they are, not just for what they can achieve.

9) Refusing to acknowledge mistakes

Parents are human, and like all humans, they make mistakes.

But a key behavior that often strains relationships is the refusal to acknowledge these mistakes.

Admitting when you’re wrong, apologizing, and making amends are powerful actions that can help repair damaged relationships.

It shows your child that you value their feelings and are willing to make things right.

Denying mistakes or shifting blame can damage your child’s trust and respect. It sends the message that being right is more important than being fair or kind.

Acknowledging a mistake is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength.

It models for your child how to take responsibility, apologize sincerely, and strive for better in the future.

Final thoughts

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, but if it did, I think it would emphasize one thing above all: relationships are built, not born.

They’re shaped by the words we choose, the actions we take, and sometimes, the ones we overlook.

Our role isn’t to control or perfect our children, but to nurture and guide.

If you’ve recognized any of these behaviors in your own parenting, don’t despair—it’s never too late to change the narrative.

Small gestures, honest conversations, and a willingness to acknowledge missteps can work wonders.

Strained relationships aren’t permanent; they’re an invitation to grow closer.

And when you take that first step toward mending the bond, you might just find it’s the most rewarding journey of all.