Family feuds — they can be painful, especially when they are about politics. It’s a topic that can quickly turn a calm dinner into a heated debate.

I know what you’re thinking, “Why can’t we just agree to disagree and get on with our lives?” But for some, it’s not that simple.

As a psychologist, I’ve observed that people who have fallen out with family members over politics usually exhibit certain characteristics.

These traits often act as kindling to the fire of disagreement, escalating the dispute to a point of no return.

In this article, I’m going to shed light on these 7 traits, providing you with a deeper understanding of what fuels such family conflicts.

Remember, understanding is the first step towards resolution or at least, towards preventing future political feuds.

1) You’re not keen on compromise

When it comes to political debates within a family, the ability to compromise is pivotal.

But, here’s the thing.

People who tend to sever ties with family over politics usually aren’t big fans of this concept.

They hold their political beliefs so dearly that any challenge to them feels like a personal attack. It’s not just about differing opinions; it’s like a battle for their identity.

This rigidity in viewpoint often fosters an environment where discussions rapidly turn into arguments, and arguments into full-blown fallouts.

If you notice that you’re unwilling to budge on your political stance even a little during family discussions, or if you view compromise as a sign of weakness or betrayal to your beliefs, it might be time for some introspection.

After all, it’s possible to firmly believe in something while still respecting the viewpoints of others.

2) You exhibit confirmation bias

Have you ever heard of the term “confirmation bias“?

It’s a psychological concept that describes our tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and remember information in a way that confirms our pre-existing beliefs.

Here’s how it plays out in the context of political disagreements within families.

Say you have a certain political stance. When you come across information that supports this stance, you readily accept it, even if it’s from a questionable source.

But when you’re presented with information that contradicts your viewpoint—no matter how credible—it’s dismissed as ‘fake news’ or propaganda.

This selective acceptance and dismissal of information can fuel political disagreements and make it difficult to find common ground or understand the other party’s perspective.

Now, if this sounds like something you do, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s human nature. However, being aware of this bias can help you manage it better during political discussions with family.

3) You value being right over relationships

Ever found yourself in a situation where you continued to argue a point, not because you believed in it wholeheartedly, but because you just didn’t want to be wrong?

It’s a common experience, especially in political debates.

Unfortunately, for people who frequently fall out with family over politics, this need to be right is more important than preserving their relationships.

Winning the argument becomes so important that the person is willing to risk alienating family members. The focus shifts from having a healthy debate to asserting dominance.

It can create a hostile environment that’s not conducive to open and respectful conversations about politics—or anything else, for that matter.

If you’ve noticed this tendency in yourself, it could be beneficial to reflect on what’s more important in the long run: proving your point or fostering positive relationships with your loved ones.

4) You display signs of high conflict personality

People who often clash with family over politics may exhibit signs of what psychologists call a “high conflict personality” or HCP.

According to the High Conflict Institute, HCPs tend to engage in all-or-nothing thinking. 

They further explain that HCPs “tend to see conflicts in terms of one simple solution rather than taking time to analyze the situation, hear different points of view and consider several possible solutions.”

Not only that, but they also show these tendencies: 

• A pattern of intense and prolonged conflicts
• Extreme reactions to minor disagreements
• A tendency to blame others
• Difficulty accepting and learning from feedback

Having a high conflict personality doesn’t make you a ‘bad’ person. It’s just a way of describing a set of behaviors and reactions that can lead to more intense and frequent conflicts, including those related to politics.

5) You struggle with empathy

Empathy — it’s a quality that I often emphasize in therapy sessions. And for a good reason.

When we talk about empathy, we’re talking about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s about understanding and sharing the feelings of another.

In the context of political disagreements, it’s about seeing why a family member might hold a particular viewpoint, even if you don’t agree with it.

But here’s what I’ve noticed. People who frequently fall out with family over politics often struggle with empathy. It’s hard for them to see beyond their own perspective and understand where others are coming from.

Let’s face it, empathy isn’t always easy, especially when we feel strongly about something. It really can feel impossible to stay kind and warm towards the other person!

But it’s well worth the effort in achieving some sort of peace. As an interesting study shows, people who try to show empathy across party lines are less likely to report hating people on the other side of a political issue.

I think that’s worth the energy, don’t you?

6) You have a low tolerance for ambiguity

Picture this: You’re sitting at the dinner table, and a family member expresses a political opinion that doesn’t neatly fit into the categories of ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. It’s a grey area, a middle ground. How do you react?

People who often clash with family members over politics usually have a low tolerance for ambiguity. They prefer things to be black and white, plain and simple.

They struggle with the idea that two opposing viewpoints can both have merit. They find it hard to accept that not everything has a clear-cut, right or wrong answer.

And when they’re confronted with ambiguity in political discussions, they may become uncomfortable or even defensive.

Do you find yourself wanting clear answers in political discussions? Do you struggle when things are ‘in the middle’?

Reflecting on these questions might give you some insight into your approach to family political debates.

7) You lack self-awareness

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, individuals who find themselves frequently in political disputes with family often lack a certain degree of self-awareness.

This isn’t about pointing fingers or placing blame. It’s about understanding that our actions, words, and reactions can influence the dynamics of a conversation.

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize our own emotions, biases, and behaviors. It’s about understanding how these elements affect our interactions with others.

If we’re not aware of these factors, we can unintentionally escalate a simple political discussion into a heated argument.

Cultivating self-awareness allows us to manage our responses better and navigate political discussions more constructively.

It’s an ongoing process but can be a game-changer in preserving family relationships amidst political disagreements.

So, where do we go from here?

It’s clear that political disagreements with family can be complex and emotionally charged.

But recognizing these traits in ourselves can be the first step towards more constructive discussions and healthier relationships.

Here are a few additional strategies that might help:

• Practicing active listening: This means truly hearing and attempting to understand the other person’s point of view, instead of just waiting for your turn to speak.
• Using “I” statements: Instead of saying “You’re wrong,” try expressing how you feel. For example, “I feel upset when my viewpoint is dismissed.”
• Setting boundaries: It’s okay to agree to disagree and avoid certain topics if they’re causing too much friction.

Family is important, and so are our political beliefs. But with self-awareness, empathy, and a willingness to change, it’s possible to navigate these tricky waters without damaging our relationships.