As a relationship expert, I’ve seen countless individuals, both in my personal and professional life, who avoid confrontation like the plague.

It’s more common than you might think, but often, it’s hidden well. So how can we identify it?

Well, individuals who fear confrontation often use certain phrases to navigate these tense situations.

These phrases, while seemingly harmless on the surface, can actually be indicative of a deep-seated fear of conflict.

In this article, I’ll be sharing eight such phrases.

You might just recognize some of these phrases from your own lips.

However, this post is not about calling anyone out.

Rather, it’s about understanding and being able to identify these subtle cues in our daily conversations. 

1) “I don’t want to cause trouble…”

Conflict is messy. It’s uncomfortable and sometimes downright scary.

And people who fear confrontation?

They’ll do anything to avoid stirring the pot.

This is the mentality behind the phrase, “I don’t want to cause trouble…”

It’s a go-to for those who fear confrontation, a safety net that can be thrown out when things start to heat up.

The intention behind this phrase might seem noble – after all, who wants to be the one causing a scene?

But it’s important to note that using this phrase can often mean sidestepping crucial conversations and suppressing one’s own needs or feelings.

2) “It’s not a big deal…”

This phrase is a classic. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard it in my professional life and even from my own lips in my personal life.

“It’s not a big deal…” is a common deflection technique used by those who are afraid of confrontation.

The problem is, it often IS a big deal.

By downplaying the issue, you’re not only avoiding the conflict but also dismissing your own feelings or concerns.

And that’s not healthy for any relationship.

Don’t be afraid to express what you’re feeling, even if it means causing a bit of a stir.

It’s better to confront the issue head-on than to let it fester and grow into something bigger.

3) “Whatever you think is best…”

This one implies that we’re okay with any decision, even if it’s not what we truly want or feel.

In my personal life and throughout my experiences with clients, I’ve seen this phrase being used as a defense mechanism.

But here’s the thing – it’s okay to have a preference. It’s okay to voice your opinion.

It doesn’t have to mean conflict, it simply means communication.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into these patterns of behavior and offer practical advice for those struggling with fear of confrontation.

But for now, just remember that surrendering your opinion to avoid friction isn’t healthy or fair to you.

Building a relationship – be it personal or professional – involves expressing your thoughts and feelings unabashedly.

So the next time you’re tempted to say “Whatever you think is best…”, take a pause and express what YOU truly think is best.

4) “I’m fine…”

This phrase is so common, it’s almost a cliché.

And while it might seem like the perfect way to avoid confrontation, it’s often anything but fine.

“I’m fine…” is one of those phrases that people who fear confrontation use to gloss over their true feelings.

It’s a quick, easy way to shut down any potential conflict.

But the problem? It’s not always honest.

Saying “I’m fine…” when you’re not actually fine can lead to more conflict in the long run.

By not addressing your true feelings, you allow them to build up over time, leading to bigger issues down the line.

Instead of saying, “I’m fine…” when you’re clearly not, try being honest about your feelings.

It might lead to a difficult conversation now, but it will save you from a bigger confrontation later.

5) “I guess so…”

This is often used as a way to reluctantly agree without fully committing to an opinion or decision.

I’ve caught myself using it in the past when I didn’t want to stir the waters, even though I knew deep down I didn’t agree with the decision being made.

It’s an easy way out, but it’s not a healthy one.

The issue with “I guess so…” is that it often leads to resentment.

When you don’t voice your true feelings or opinions, you can start to feel unheard or overlooked, and that can cause stress and tension in relationships.

6) “I hate to be a bother, but…”

This phrase screams discomfort and fear of confrontation.

It’s often used as a preface to a statement or request that we’re worried might cause conflict.

But here’s the raw and honest truth: our feelings, needs, and concerns are never a ‘bother’.

They’re valid, and they deserve to be heard.

When you use this phrase, you’re essentially apologizing for having an opinion or a need. But there’s no need for an apology.

In fact, expressing yourself clearly and honestly is something to be proud of, not something to apologize for.

7) “Maybe it’s just me…”

“Maybe it’s just me…” is a phrase I often hear from individuals who fear confrontation.

It’s a way of expressing an opinion or concern, but with a safety net – if the other person disagrees, they can backpedal and minimize the conflict.

But here’s a personal insight: it’s rarely “just you”. If you’re feeling or thinking something, chances are others are too.

Don’t diminish your feelings or perspective by attributing them to being unique or odd.

8) “I’m probably wrong, but…”

This phrase is a classic example of self-deprecation used to avoid confrontation.

“I’m probably wrong, but…” sets the stage for your opinion to be easily dismissed, creating a safe exit if conflict arises.

But, again,  your opinion matters.

You don’t have to preface your thoughts with an assumption of being wrong.

When you use this phrase, you’re not just avoiding confrontation, you’re also undermining your own self-confidence.

It’s a way of telling yourself and others that your thoughts and feelings are probably incorrect.

Besides, it’s okay to be wrong sometimes. 

Assuming you’re wrong before even expressing your viewpoint isn’t healthy.

So let’s drop the “I’m probably wrong, but…” and simply say what we believe or feel. 

Final thoughts 

In conclusion, fear of confrontation can manifest in many ways, often in the phrases we use daily.

Recognizing these phrases is the first step towards overcoming that fear and fostering healthier, more honest communication.

It’s about being true to your feelings and expressing them confidently. Remember, your voice matters.

Don’t shy away from expressing how you feel or what you think.

If you need more guidance on this journey, check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

It’s packed with insights and practical advice on building healthier relationships.