People who had poor self-worth as a child usually display these behaviors later in life, according to psychology

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | January 13, 2025, 3:28 am

The impact of our childhood on our adult lives is profound. Many of the behaviors and patterns we exhibit as adults can be traced back to our younger years, especially when it comes to self-worth.

Growing up with poor self-worth can leave its mark and shape how we act in later life. Psychologists have identified several common behaviors that tend to show up in adults who struggled with low self-esteem in their youth.

In this article, we’ll be exploring 8 of these behaviors. Not to blame or shame, but to help us better understand ourselves and others. So, let’s dive in and look at these revealing signs from a psychological perspective.

1) Hyper-sensitivity to criticism

Nobody likes to be criticized. It’s a universal truth. But for those who grew up with low self-worth, criticism can sting a little bit harder.

According to psychologists, individuals who struggled with self-esteem issues in childhood often become hyper-sensitive to criticism in their adult life. It’s a defensive mechanism, a wall built to protect a fragile sense of self.

This isn’t about being thin-skinned or overly emotional. It’s about a deeply ingrained fear of not being good enough, and any form of criticism, no matter how constructive, can trigger that fear.

It’s important to remember that this sensitivity isn’t a choice, it’s an automatic response rooted in past experiences. Understanding this can help us approach such individuals with more empathy and kindness.

2) Perfectionism

Perfectionism is another common trait observed in those who had poor self-worth as a kid. I can personally relate to this one.

Growing up, I was always the kid trying to get everything just right. Whether it was a school project or simply tidying up my room, I’d obsess over every tiny detail, making sure everything was perfect. It wasn’t about impressing others or wanting to be the best. It was more about avoiding any criticism or judgement that I feared would come if things weren’t perfect.

As an adult, I’ve realized that this drive for perfectionism stemmed from my low self-worth as a child. I was constantly seeking validation and trying to prove my worth through flawless execution of tasks. Over time, I’ve learned that it’s okay to make mistakes and that perfection is an unrealistic standard to hold myself to. But the journey to this understanding wasn’t easy.

Understanding the link between childhood self-worth and adult perfectionism can help us not just empathize with ourselves and others, but also work towards healthier ways of dealing with our insecurities.

3) Difficulty in accepting compliments

Accepting compliments graciously can be a real struggle for those who had poor self-worth as a child. It might seem counterintuitive, right? After all, a compliment is a positive thing. But here’s the twist in the tale.

When your self-esteem is low, you often view yourself through a lens of unworthiness. So when someone pays you a compliment, it doesn’t align with your own self-perception. As a result, you might dismiss the compliment or downplay your achievement.

This behavior is so prevalent that psychologists consider difficulty in accepting compliments as a telltale sign of low self-esteem. It’s not about modesty or humility, but rather a reflection of how one perceives their own worth. Understanding this can help us respond with patience and empathy when someone struggles to accept our praise.

4) Overcompensation through achievements

Overachievement can be another sign of poor self-worth in childhood. Those with low self-esteem often feel the need to prove their worth to others and themselves. This can manifest in a relentless drive for achievements, be it academic, professional, or personal.

These individuals might push themselves to extreme lengths to excel in every aspect of their life, often at the cost of their own well-being. They equate success and recognition with self-worth, believing that their value lies in what they can achieve.

It’s a survival strategy, a way to mask feelings of inadequacy and gain acceptance from others. But it’s important to remember that our worth is not defined by our achievements alone. It’s about who we are as individuals, our values, and how we treat others.

5) Constant need for validation

One of the most heartbreaking outcomes of poor self-worth in childhood is the constant need for validation in adulthood. It’s like an unquenchable thirst, a longing to be seen, appreciated, and reassured of one’s value.

These individuals often find themselves seeking approval from others, clinging to every word of praise or recognition. It’s not about being attention-seeking or needy. It’s about a deep-seated insecurity that whispers they’re not enough, not unless someone else says they are.

This constant quest for validation can be exhausting and emotionally draining. It’s a painful reminder of the love and acceptance they craved as a child but didn’t receive in the way they needed.

Remembering this can help us respond with compassion and understanding when someone seems overly reliant on external validation. They’re not asking for too much, they’re just trying to fill a void that’s been there since their childhood.

6) Fear of abandonment

Growing up with a lack of self-worth, I often found myself grappling with a deep-rooted fear of abandonment. I was constantly worried that people would leave me because I wasn’t good enough.

In my adult relationships, this fear didn’t magically disappear. Instead, it manifested in various ways – being overly accommodating, tolerating unacceptable behavior, or desperately trying to keep people from leaving.

Over time, I’ve come to understand that this fear was not about others but about me. It was my childhood self projecting its insecurities onto my adult life. By acknowledging and addressing these fears, I’ve been able to build healthier relationships based on mutual respect and understanding, not fear.

Recognizing the connection between childhood self-worth and fear of abandonment can be a significant step towards healing and forming more secure bonds in adulthood.

7) Difficulty in forming secure relationships

When self-worth is low, it often becomes challenging to build secure and healthy relationships. These individuals may find it hard to trust others, fearing rejection or judgment. They might also struggle with intimacy, as opening up to someone means exposing their perceived inadequacies.

This difficulty in forming secure relationships is not a character flaw or a sign of being incapable of love. It’s a defense mechanism, a way to protect oneself from potential emotional pain.

Understanding this can help us approach these individuals with patience and empathy, giving them the space to work through their fears and insecurities at their own pace.

8) Negative self-talk

Perhaps the most pervasive sign of low self-worth is engaging in negative self-talk. It’s the critical inner voice that constantly belittles and judges, that tells you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or simply enough.

Negative self-talk is not just a bad habit. It’s a reflection of how we perceive ourselves. And when this perception is rooted in low self-esteem, the inner critic can be relentless and damaging.

But remember, the power to silence this inner critic lies within us. We can learn to challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and empowering beliefs. Because at the end of the day, we are all worthy of love and respect, just as we are.