As someone who grew up with controlling parents, I can tell you firsthand that it leaves a lasting impact.

It’s not just about obedience or strict rules; it’s about the ways in which it shapes your personality and behaviors into adulthood.

People like me, who have experienced this type of upbringing, often share certain traits. They’re not all negative, nor are they all positive, but they’re definitely noticeable.

In this article, we’re going to delve into the 9 common traits that those of us with controlling parents often exhibit. 

1) Need for control

One of the most noticeable traits you’ll find in those who grew up with controlling parents is a deep-seated desire for control.

As children, they had little say over their own lives. Their parents dictated everything from what they wore to who they spent time with and how they spent it.

As a result, many of these individuals develop an intense need to control their own environment as adults. This can manifest in various ways, ranging from a meticulously organized home to an inability to delegate tasks at work.

It’s not all negative, though. This powerful drive can also fuel ambition and a strong work ethic. However, it’s crucial for these individuals to recognize this trait in themselves and work towards striking a healthy balance.

After all, the goal is not to become controlling like our parents, but to take control of our lives in a way that promotes growth and freedom.

2) Perfectionism

Another common trait we often develop is perfectionism. And boy, do I know this one well.

Growing up, my parents set incredibly high standards. Whether it was schoolwork, chores, or extracurricular activities, anything less than perfect was considered a failure. This created a constant pressure to be the best at everything I did.

As an adult, I found this translated into a need to be flawless in all aspects of my life. At work, I would agonize over every little detail, often spending more time than necessary on tasks to ensure they were perfect. At home, I would stress about keeping everything clean and organized to an almost obsessive degree.

It took me a while to realize that this level of perfectionism wasn’t healthy or sustainable. It’s okay not to be the best at everything, and it’s okay to make mistakes. That’s a part of being human.

Now, I strive for progress instead of perfection. It’s a trait that I’ve had to consciously work on, but it’s made a world of difference in reducing stress and improving my overall wellbeing.

3) Difficulty with relationships

Due to the controlling nature of their parents, many individuals find it challenging to build and maintain healthy relationships in adulthood.

This isn’t surprising when you consider that these children were often raised in environments where open communication and mutual respect were not the norm.

There’s a significant correlation between controlling parenting styles and relationship problems later in life. These problems can range from difficulty trusting others to fear of intimacy.

It’s important to remember, though, that recognizing this pattern is the first step towards breaking it.

With conscious effort and, in some cases, professional help, it’s entirely possible to learn healthier ways of relating to others.

4) High levels of anxiety

Coming from a background where nothing felt certain or safe, individuals with controlling parents often carry a heightened sense of anxiety into adulthood.

The constant need to please or avoid conflict during childhood can create an automatic stress response that’s hard to shake off.

This anxiety can manifest in various ways, including social anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, and even panic attacks.

It’s not a trait that’s easy to live with or overcome, but understanding its roots can be a significant first step.

It’s always okay to seek help if you’re struggling with this. Many people find therapy and other forms of professional support extremely beneficial in managing and reducing their anxiety levels.

5) Struggle with self-esteem

Growing up with controlling parents can often lead to struggles with self-esteem.

When you are constantly told what to do and how to do it, it’s easy to start believing that you’re incapable of making good decisions on your own.

This lack of confidence can follow us into adulthood, manifesting in self-doubt and a constant need for validation. We may find ourselves second-guessing our decisions, or feeling undeserving of success and happiness.

The good news is, self-esteem is not fixed. With time, patience, and often a bit of professional help, it’s possible to rebuild your confidence and start trusting in your own abilities. 

6) Difficulty in trusting others

Trust. It’s a small word, but it carries a lot of weight, doesn’t it?

Growing up with controlling parents, I found it hard to trust others. I was conditioned to believe that I had to do everything myself, because no one else would get it ‘right’.

Even now, as an adult, I sometimes catch myself double-checking everything. At work, I find it hard to delegate tasks because a part of me feels that if I want something done correctly, I have to do it myself.

It’s been a journey to learn that trust is essential in any relationship, be it personal or professional. And while it’s still a work in progress, recognizing this trait has been the first step towards trusting others and letting go of the need for control.

7) Fear of confrontations

Confrontations can be tough, especially if you’ve been raised to avoid them at all costs. In my early years, any hint of disagreement or conflict was swiftly shut down by my parents. This led me to believe that confrontations were something to be feared and avoided.

As an adult, this fear followed me into my personal and professional life. I found myself agreeing to things I didn’t want to do or keeping quiet when I should have spoken up, all in an attempt to avoid potential conflict.

Over time, I’ve learned that it’s okay to stand up for myself. It’s okay to voice my opinions and disagree with others. Confrontations don’t have to be heated or aggressive; they can be handled calmly and respectfully.

It’s a lesson that took me a while to learn, but it’s made a significant difference in my life.

I now feel more confident in expressing myself and setting boundaries, which has greatly improved my relationships and overall happiness.

8) Difficulty expressing emotions

A common trait among those of us who grew up with controlling parents is a difficulty in expressing emotions. When our feelings were constantly dismissed or invalidated as children, we often learn to suppress them.

As adults, this can result in an inability to effectively communicate our feelings, leading to frustration and misunderstandings in our relationships. We might find it challenging to articulate our needs, or feel guilty for experiencing negative emotions.

However, it’s important to remember that your feelings are valid and important.

Recognizing and expressing them is a crucial part of maintaining healthy relationships and emotional wellbeing.

It may take some practice and patience, but it’s never too late to learn how to express your emotions constructively.

9) Resilience

Despite all the challenges and struggles faced by those of us who grew up with controlling parents, there’s one trait that stands out above the rest: resilience.

We’ve had to navigate through difficult circumstances, adapt to changing environments, and find our own way in the world.

It’s this resilience that has allowed us to overcome obstacles and keep moving forward.

Your past may have shaped you, but it doesn’t define you. Every day presents a new opportunity for growth and change. You have the strength to overcome your past and create the life you want for yourself.

Final thoughts: The power of understanding

At the heart of these shared traits lies one unifying principle: understanding. Understanding the past, and more importantly, understanding how it has shaped us.

Growing up with controlling parents is a complex experience that leaves a profound imprint. But it’s not all about struggles or challenges. It’s also about resilience, growth, and the ability to adapt.

Recognizing these traits within ourselves is not an end, but a beginning—a stepping stone towards change and personal growth.

As renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”