It’s interesting how our upbringing can shape us in ways we may not fully realize. Take, for instance, the level of compassion we received as children.

Growing up with little compassion can have a lasting impact on individuals, moulding their personality traits in ways that might surprise you.

Psychology provides insightful clues into how such an upbringing influences a person’s behaviour and mindset. And yes, there are certain traits that are more common among people who experienced a lack of compassion during their formative years.

Let’s delve into these nine traits, according to psychological studies, that are often found in those who grew up without much compassion.

1) Emotional detachment

It’s fascinating how our emotional landscapes are often shaped by our early experiences.

For those who grew up in an environment devoid of compassion, emotional detachment is a common trait. It’s a form of self-protection, a barrier built to keep the world at bay.

Psychology suggests that this lack of emotional connection is a coping mechanism. By disconnecting from their feelings, individuals can avoid the pain and vulnerability that come with emotional engagement.

This doesn’t mean they’re incapable of feeling or expressing emotions. Rather, they may just struggle to connect with their own emotions and those of others.

Understanding this trait can help us develop empathy towards people who might seem cold or distant. It’s not about excusing their behaviour, but rather understanding where it might come from.

2) Difficulty trusting others

Trust is a tricky thing for those who grew up with little compassion. I know this because I’ve seen it firsthand.

I have a friend, let’s call him Mike, who was raised in a family that lacked warmth and understanding. The lack of compassion in his early life led him to struggle with trust in his adult relationships.

Mike often assumed people had ulterior motives or were likely to hurt him, because that’s what he was used to. It wasn’t about the people he was dealing with, it was about his own experiences and the defenses he’d built up.

Psychology suggests that this mistrust stems from the fear of being vulnerable. After all, if you’ve been hurt before, especially during your formative years, it’s understandable to be wary.

For Mike, and many like him, learning to trust is a journey. It requires acknowledging past experiences while also understanding that not everyone operates in the same way. Trusting others can be scary, but it’s also necessary for healthy relationships.

3) High levels of self-reliance

When compassion is scarce during childhood, individuals often learn to rely heavily on themselves. This trait of self-reliance can be a double-edged sword.

On one hand, these individuals often develop a strong sense of independence. They’re usually the ones who can take care of themselves in any situation and aren’t afraid to tackle problems head-on.

However, on the other hand, this self-reliance can also lead to isolation and difficulty in accepting help from others.

Research has shown that lower levels of parental warmth are associated with increased levels of self-esteem issues and social adjustment problems. These studies suggest that a lack of parental warmth can lead to children developing compensatory behaviors, such as self-reliance, as a coping mechanism for the emotional gap left by their parents’ lack of warmth.

While self-reliance can be a strength, it’s important to remember that everyone needs help sometimes, and it’s okay to ask for it.

4) Difficulty expressing feelings

A lack of compassion during childhood often leads to adults who find it hard to express their feelings. They may have learned to keep their emotions under wraps, fearing that showing them could lead to ridicule or rejection.

Psychology explains this as a defense mechanism. If showing emotions in the past led to negative consequences, it makes sense to hide them to avoid similar situations in the future.

This difficulty in expressing feelings can often lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in personal relationships. It may also result in internalized stress and anxiety, as unexpressed emotions can take a toll on mental health.

However, with awareness and effort, this trait can be worked on. Learning to express feelings is a crucial step towards emotional health and building stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

5) Hyper-vigilance

Growing up with little compassion often results in individuals becoming hyper-vigilant. This means they are constantly on the lookout for potential threats, even in environments where there are none.

This heightened state of alertness is a survival mechanism developed in response to an unpredictable and non-empathetic upbringing. It’s the body’s way of saying, “I’ve been hurt before, and I need to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Psychologically, this hyper-vigilance can lead to anxiety and stress as the individual is constantly on edge. It can also affect their relationships, as they may misinterpret harmless actions as threats.

Understanding this trait can help these individuals realize when their vigilance may be misplaced and work towards developing a more balanced perspective.

6) Desire for control

Childhood is a time when we’re at the mercy of the adults around us. If those adults lack compassion, it can leave us feeling helpless and out of control.

That’s why many who grow up with little compassion develop a strong desire for control in their adult lives. It’s a way of reclaiming the power they felt was taken from them.

This craving for control can manifest in various aspects of their lives, from relationships to professional settings. They might feel a need to control situations, outcomes, and even people, which can lead to conflicts and misunderstandings.

But at its core, this desire for control is simply a cry for security. A longing for a safe space where they hold the reins. Understanding this can help us approach such individuals with empathy and patience.

7) Fear of intimacy

Being intimate with someone means letting them see you at your most vulnerable. It’s about sharing not just the highs, but also the lows. And that can be terrifying, especially for those who grew up with little compassion.

I’ve struggled with this fear myself. Opening up to others felt like inviting them to hurt me. It was easier to keep everyone at arm’s length, to avoid the risk of getting hurt.

Psychology suggests this fear of intimacy is common among those who experienced a lack of compassion during their formative years. The fear stems from associating vulnerability with pain and rejection.

But intimacy is an essential part of human connection. It’s about learning to trust and let others in, despite the fear. And while it’s not easy, overcoming this fear can lead to deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

8) Preference for solitude

People who grew up with little compassion often develop a preference for solitude. Being alone becomes a safe space, free from the risk of rejection or misunderstanding.

Psychology explains this as a form of self-preservation. If interactions with others were frequently negative or hurtful, solitude becomes a protective shield.

However, this preference for solitude can sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Balance is key here. While everyone needs some alone time, human connection is also a vital part of our well-being.

Recognizing this trait can help individuals assess their need for solitude and strive for a healthier balance between alone time and social interactions.

9) Resilience

Individuals who grew up with little compassion often develop an incredible level of resilience. Having faced adversity early in life, they’ve learned to adapt and persevere.

Psychology views resilience as a powerful tool for combating life’s challenges. It’s the ability to bounce back from adversity, to keep going despite the odds.

This resilience is a testament to their strength and determination. It’s a trait that should be acknowledged and celebrated. After all, it’s not how many times we fall that defines us, but how many times we get back up.

Final thoughts: It’s all part of the journey

The complexities of human behavior are often interwoven with our early experiences, and this holds true for those who grew up with little compassion.

These nine traits aren’t meant to be viewed as flaws or shortcomings. Instead, they serve as a testament to the resilience and adaptability of the human spirit in the face of adversity.

Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Recognizing these traits in ourselves or others is the first step towards understanding and acceptance.

Whether it’s emotional detachment, a fear of intimacy, or a penchant for solitude, each trait carries with it a story of survival and resilience. And each one can be worked on, moulded, and transformed into a source of strength.

Growing up with little compassion may shape us, but it doesn’t define us. We have the power to understand our past, accept our present, and shape our future. After all, life isn’t about where we start, it’s about the journey we undertake and who we become along the way.