Growing up with unsupportive parents isn’t easy.

It can shape you in ways that can be hard to comprehend until you’re older and have had a chance to reflect on it.

These experiences often mould us into individuals with certain traits – some good, some not so much.

For those of us who’ve had to navigate this tough path, there are eight traits that tend to stand out.

In this piece, we’ll dive into these 9 common characteristics, shedding light on the impact of an unsupportive upbringing. 

1) Resilience

An unsupportive upbringing often forces you to fend for yourself from a young age.

This can be tough, no doubt about it. But one positive outcome is that it can foster resilience.

Navigating adversity early on can equip you with a certain toughness and strength that carries into adulthood.

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks, to keep going when things get tough.

It’s all about adapting to adversity and stress in a healthy way.

Growing up without the safety net of supportive parents can be a harsh teacher, but it’s a teacher nonetheless.

It’s a crucible that shapes you, that contributes to your resilience.

But remember, resilience isn’t about suppressing emotions or ignoring the pain.

It’s about learning how to manage it, how to keep moving forward despite the challenges.

2) Independence

One characteristic I’ve noticed in myself and others who grew up with unsupportive parents is a strong sense of independence.

I remember, as a child, having to sort out my school affairs on my own because my parents showed little interest.

By the time I was in high school, I was managing everything from my academics to my part-time job without any guidance or support from them.

It was tough, yes. But over time, I learned to rely on myself.

I became self-reliant, and it’s a trait that has served me well in my adult life.

I’ve found that I can take care of myself in ways that many of my peers cannot.

I learned early on how to solve problems, make decisions, and navigate life without depending on others.

This strong sense of independence is a common trait among those of us who grew up with unsupportive parents.

It’s like we were forced to grow up faster than our peers.

And while this isn’t an ideal way to cultivate independence, it’s a silver lining that has helped us navigate adulthood more effectively.

3) Hyper-awareness

Growing up with unsupportive parents often leads to a heightened sense of awareness.

You learn to pick up on subtle cues in the environment or changes in people’s moods, behaviors, or tones of voice.

This is because, as a child, your survival might have depended on reading these signs to avoid conflict or gain approval.

It’s fascinating how our brains adapt to our circumstances.

In fact, research suggests that children who grow up in unpredictable environments tend to have heightened threat-detection systems and better discernment of people’s emotional states.

This hyper-awareness can be both a blessing and a curse.

It can make you more empathetic and understanding of others, but it can also lead to anxiety and stress, as you’re always on high alert.

Nonetheless, it’s a common trait among those who grew up with unsupportive parents.

4) Difficulty trusting others

If the first people you’re supposed to trust in life let you down, it can be hard to trust anyone else.

This can be a common trait for those of us who grew up with unsupportive parents.

You find yourself always being wary, questioning people’s motives, and often expecting the worst.

This isn’t because you’re cynical or negative by nature.

It’s a defense mechanism – a way to protect yourself from potential hurt or disappointment.

Building trust with others can take time and patience.

It requires vulnerability, which can be scary when your early experiences taught you that vulnerability can lead to pain.

5) Self-criticism

When you grow up with unsupportive parents, it’s not uncommon to develop a habit of self-criticism.

You might often find yourself being your own worst critic, constantly judging and doubting your actions and decisions.

From a young age, we often shoulder the burden of our parents’ neglect, blaming ourselves and internalizing feelings of inadequacy.

These sentiments frequently linger into adulthood.

Yet, it’s imperative to recognize that fallibility is universal, and perfection is an illusion.

Cultivating self-compassion is paramount.

Treat yourself with the same empathy and kindness you’d offer a friend facing similar struggles.

6) Hunger for validation

One of the deepest human desires is to feel seen and understood, to feel that we matter.

When we grow up with unsupportive parents, this yearning for validation can be intense.

We might find ourselves constantly seeking approval from others, trying to prove our worth.

This can show up in a number of ways – like overworking, people-pleasing or even in our relationships.

The harsh reality for many of us is that the validation we yearned for during childhood may never come from our parents.

But here’s the thing – you don’t need it to validate your worth. You are enough, just as you are.

7) Difficulty expressing emotions

Growing up, my house wasn’t a place where emotions were freely expressed or discussed.

I learned to keep my feelings to myself, burying them deep inside to avoid upsetting my parents or causing conflict.

As an adult, this has sometimes made it challenging to express my emotions openly with others.

It’s like there’s a wall that automatically goes up, a protective instinct to keep my feelings hidden.

This is a common trait among those of us who grew up with unsupportive parents.

We weren’t given the tools or the safe space to express our emotions, so we learned to suppress them.

Learning to express emotions in a healthy way is an ongoing journey.

It involves unlearning old habits and building new ones, and it requires patience and practice.

But it’s definitely a journey worth embarking on.

8) Strong desire to make things better

Despite the challenges that come with growing up with unsupportive parents, one common trait many of us share is the strong desire to make things better.

Whether it’s striving for a more fulfilling relationship, creating a more supportive environment for our own children, or working to improve the lives of others who’ve had similar experiences, we’re often driven by the desire to ensure that others don’t have to go through what we did.

This drive can be a powerful force for positive change.

It can lead us to make a real difference in the world, in our communities, and in our personal lives.

9) The ability to heal and grow

Perhaps the most crucial trait that many of us who grew up with unsupportive parents possess is the incredible capacity to heal and grow.

We’ve learned to adapt, to overcome, and to find strength in adversity.

And while the journey may be difficult and painful at times, it’s also filled with opportunities for profound personal growth.

Now, healing isn’t a linear process, and it doesn’t happen overnight.

It requires patience, self-compassion, and often professional help. But it is entirely possible.

We carry within us not just the scars of our past, but also the power to heal them.

And that’s something truly remarkable.

Your past doesn’t dictate your future

The traits we’ve explored are not failings, but adaptations.

They’re the ways we’ve learned to cope, to survive, and in many cases, to thrive despite the odds.

Let it sink in-our past doesn’t have to dictate our future.

We have within us the remarkable ability to heal, grow, and redefine who we are.

Our journey may be more difficult than some, but it’s also filled with opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

And that’s something worth celebrating.

So as you move forward, remember – you are not defined by your past, but by the strength and resilience you’ve shown in overcoming it.